Thank you everyone for your responses.

Jasmine, you said, “Once, you realise that you are 100 % responsible for all that happens in your life (good or bad), perhaps you wont feel so guilty.” I entirely agree, that I’m 100% responsible. However, so far, many of my decisions in my life have pushed people further and further away – lost friends, lost marriage, lost relationships, lost co-workers, lost contact. As hard as I try to fit in, I continue to alienate myself from the rest of the world. I am entirely responsible, but unless I change, I’m afraid the future looks bleak and lonely.

I do like what you said about learning from the past, but I’m not sure what lesson to learn. Did I not try hard enough? Did I try too hard? Where did I go wrong? How can I better understand what lesson to garner from this experience and grow from it? Who can help me better understand? (I realize that last question goes against your comment about not depending on anyone for our sanity)

I can’t seem to hear the little voice inside me, because the big voice keeps yelling at me and making me feel bad. I’m afraid of my own shadow and walk around the world on eggshells trying not to crack anymore.

I do like your recommendations on what to do when feeling low. I will put them into practice.

Once again. Thanks for the help.