@Matt Remember how when we were kids we didn’t have to “try” to make friends and they just somehow happened? I don’t remember initiating a single friendship my entire life – either they were initiated by the other person or it just somehow happened. I know it’s kinda crazy to want something that you had as a kid but what can I say? I guess I do.

And as far as being the worst person part goes, I see every kind of person with a friend – tall, short, fat, thin, dark, fair, good and even bad – why can’t I have it? There must be something wrong with me right? Maybe I’m the worst person on the planet.

@AlkiBen I tried going out too but like you, it ended up doing the exact opposite of what it was supposed to do – I almost always end up feeling crappier. I don’t think I need to change myself, I’ve never thought that. But seeing how “just being myself” never seems to work, I think something IS wrong with me and I need to. Moreover, I think I’, missing all these opportunities for some potentially amazing friendships. I’m almost at the end of my college and I don’t have a single good friend to take from it – something that was supposed to be the happiest years of my life (it wasn’t even close). I know this won’t matter as much 10 years down the line if everything turns out fine but if it doesn’t, I fear I’ll end up regretting every last chance I had to make a friend.

@Karen Yes, I have accepted being an introvert and it cushions my pain a lot of the time – the idea that I don’t need as many friends or relationships as the people around me. I’d even go as far to say that I thought low of people who indulge in all the showy pretense of being social and hung out with people and weren’t “more serious” with their lives and whatnot. But I guess I can’t kill the human in me who has a basic primal need to be social.

I’m not shy and it often irritates me that people associate introverts with shyness. I’m not shy by a far shot; I just have problems initiating conversations and stuff like that.

As far as the online socializing ideas go, I’ve tried looking for some but I couldn’t find anything of interest. When I do, either I’m busy or I end up finding out that the even just passed. But I’ll keep trying anyway. Thanks for the suggestion.

And finally, your suggestion about talking to the next person seems… erm… what’s the word here… I just can’t. I think I have anxiety too and if I find myself sitting in about 3 ft of another person, I end up putting up this facade where I pretend I’m busy thinking about something very important or what’s going outside is more interesting. I’ve even “pretended” to sleep so many times! As for conversing with random strangers go, I just don’t see what I could potentially talk to them about. Also, what adds to the whole problem is that I’ve had very little new interaction with people as in, I haven’t really interacted with strangers in strange situations and when on to be friends. All of my former friends till date have been my neighbors, schoolmates, etc. So when someone shows some kind of interest in trying to approach me, I take it as all sorts of things. Like just the other day, these two girls were talking to each other (I was siting near them) and both of them took turns looking/staring at me to see if I’d respond in some way (maybe). It made me extremely uncomfortable up to the point where after a while, I came to the conclusion that they were trying to “bully” me and I decided to totally ignore them.