Audrey,
I understand the same ol, same ol, day in and day out thing we all experience. I do feel however, that you like some of the other posts said, that your a bit depressed. Have you talked with your primary care physician who can perhaps recommend a therapist or just soemeone to talk with? YOu say you wont take any medication whatsoever. Why?? Being on antidepressants, even the slightest mg may help you to start to feel like “all is not lost”. Some being seretonin reuptake meds work on the seratonin in your body to eventually (1 week or more) start to feel better. There is no stigma any longer about antidepressants. Many people including myself have been on them and they are what keeps us feeling well and our best selves..on most days.

Audrey, dont be afraid of the future. Today’s tiny buddha was about facing uncertainty. Everyone is uncertain about their future, and its totally fine. Rest assured that you wont always feel this way.

What are you grateful for in your life today? It can be the most simplest thing: like just being able to work out. Having that cup of cofee in the morning, a roof over your head. Are you a spiritual person? Know that there is a higher power guiding you even when you dont feel it.
Dont you ever say your life is not worth living!! Just reading this makes me very sad.
Please think about talking to someone for an objective view on things.
I wish you the best Audrey.