Hi K. It does feel like a panic attack. Ironically, for work I deal with things that scare most people and have almost no fear facing those situations. You’d think that I could survive this emotional onslaught with flying colors. But the mind is so much stronger than the body. I believe you are probably right about Facebook. I have signed on to it maybe 4 times since she installed it on my phone. I signed on to come to terms with it when I noticed this one person more than other making comments. That shouldn’t mean anything but it was a sledgehammer of a trigger that crushed me, almost immediately, yesterday when I signed on and thought that the two of them were on at the same time. Again, there’s nothing beyond that, only the fear and flashback of catching my ex on fb years ago in the midst of her first (I think) of numerous affairs. I want to accept that it’s part of life and culture and that there are good things it brings to our society. But, you are right that at the moment, the nature of my going on there has become twisted. You sound like my former (retired now) therapist. We did a lot of inner child work. My early life was unpleasant and filled with anxiety and challenges. Your advise is all good. Thank you….

For now, I am dealing with anxiety coming home, seeing my wife. She is actually a trigger now too. And in my mind I keep saying to myself that she has done nothing wrong. But I, like you, am possibly pushing to prevent myself being hurt. I would be so very hurt if the relationship were to end. I cannot imagine that happening. But here I am chiseling away at it.

This irrationality of my mind is so frustrating.