Thank you for your replies and advices.

Brontec, i agree with you that volunteering and helping others is a very good thing and help create positive feelings within yourself as well.
I have done a lot of volunteering, most time in my life i was volunteering in some way, when i could. The thing is, to do it now, in many cases it would cost money because i live in a small town and not many options here.
I was considering to look for a place to volunteer again, but i’ll start a new job soon, very physical work which left me very tired after my first trial days. Besides that a few little projects of my own, so it would be hard. I hope that after a while i will get used to the work and can find the time and energy to go volunteering again. Because this is something very valuable in my life anyway. Thank you for the suggestion and reminder 🙂

@Ginkosan, yes your are right what you say about the complicated thought patterns! I didn’t even know that that was clear out of my posts here. I have made very complicated and stupid (negative) thought patterns in my head and be keeping repeating them, i made it so that i totally believe them. Now i’m starting to understand that these are just beliefs that i’ve put on myself, but it takes a lot of time to not be so attached to it anymore. At least the motivation is there now.

And, Vipassana! I went for the first time last year, did 2 10-day courses already (too close after each other, not very smart) and i love it! Doing my best to practice it at home, like you say, you need to be patient and persistent. I am very grateful to have found this because i can see that on the long run it can help me in quite a few ways. Definitely will go back, but to serve and to sit, but right now, i think the main thing is to keep practising it at home.

Yes, accepting myself is something unthinkable for me, instead trying to change myself in every way, most of the times when i say or do something, criticising myself and telling myself it should be different.. that doesn’t help.
Thank you for your kind words.

@Blake, yes i think i can be judgemental at times towards other people. And i have noticed, that it usually happens when i’m judging myself extra hard, when i’m not feeling well or forcing myself again to keep going while i’m exhausted.. So kindness towards oneself seems to be equally important. Also, the fact that i barely talk with anyone, keeps me in this isolation that tends to make me think in black or white.
I was wondering what you mean with giving love and kindness to strangers on the street. I try to smile and say hello to people on the street often – but i think you are more talking about intention? Seeing people you don’t know and feeling compassion for them, noticing your own judgements and practice being unjudgemental?
Thank you for your words, i will keep them in mind.