Hi jw91,

You are not alone! For the job ~ my friend had that. Over and yet under qualified. She was only brave enough to get retail jobs. (Which is also OK!) I kept encouraging her to have her own business. Even if you’re a gardener, you go to people’s houses at 5 AM and leave before they wake up. There is a demand for that. Or if you hear about people complaining or wishing they had something ~ fill it. For example, there is no one (NO ONE) in our area who can fix pool filters/motors. They can shock your pool, sure. But fixing the tiles, etc.? Forget it! So find a little niche and fill it! There is a “Bat Man” ~ a guy who is on call 24/7 to get raccoons out of your attic. These are just a few examples. Make business cards and do part time stuff until something else comes your way.

As far as the family, I’m telling you this story to make you feel better. At family reunions there was one of my dad’s cousins. She was my absolute favorite. I loved her, and I thought she loved me. Five years later, after a particularly painful breakup, I decided to “reset” by visiting her. Well, I wasn’t as beloved as I thought! (Even now, twenty years later, I have a sneaking suspicion that another relative planted a bad seed in the cousin’s mind towards me.) The first day was wonderful! The second day was great! However, by the middle of the week I could see the collective family staring at me like, “Why is she here?” I was confused. What had I done? What hadn’t I done? Did I say something? Not say something? By the end of the week the favorite cousin yelled at me and accused me of yelling at her! She went nuts. I promptly went home and told my dad that his cousin was crazy. He was all “I know”.

Unless you are born in a culture or raised in a particular household you will never pick up on every nuance that will make you gel right in. And believe it or not, but the program you were in WON’T let THEM take on another boarder. They lost a person because of them and YOU can give the PROGRAM a bad review! (This you CAN do!) The family is now labeled “DIFFICULT”. In fact, you can warn people via the internet about how they wouldn’t help you with the family. They could have at least helped you find another. You can even sign off, “Nothing Personal”!

And, believe it or not, the family might be feeling some guilt. They failed to have you, after all. Maybe some of them are thinking “What’s wrong with US? Are we so set in our ways we can’t even have a guest from another culture in our house?”

With the crazy cousin, years later I could tell she felt incredibly guilty because she was all nice to me at the next reunion. I was all grown up then, dressed up like an elegant lady and that made her second guess herself too.

Best,

Inky