@georgev,

Life, the universe, our existence, is dynamic. Nothing ever stays the same. Change is a constant. This applies to our identities and personalities. A person may be sure and believe themselves to be confident and positive in their moral beliefs, however, an event may occur and abruptly alter their creeds. This is true at all levels of our lives. Today we may hate broccoli but 10 years from now that may change, today we may be gentle in speech and manner but 30 years may change that, today I may hate my religion but next month my mind may have been opened to embrace it, etc…Our beings are constantly being tweaked accordingly as personal growth is a never-ending endeavor. By understanding and accepting this, we do ourselves a great favor as change can now be embraced and difficult predicaments can now be better managed.

When a new and uncomfortable event occurs in our lives, one can definitely curse and yell and stress at this unfamiliar experience or one can try to keep calm and dwell on how this event occurred as to prevent it in the future (or lessen its impact as adversity is also a constant) and learn its lesson(s) to benefit our inner development. While true that the scale of the event influences our disposition, don’t you believe that understanding and making sense of the situation more valuable than disapproving it for our mental and spiritual beings? In fact, implementing this reflective method, also known as Right View/Understanding from the Noble Eightfold Path of Buddhism, helps assert peace in our mind as we come to understand the phenomena/events constantly occurring around us. You believe your identity to have been shattered, however, it’s highly possible it simply needs readjusting. If so, then simply go forth once again and reestablish your new likes and dislikes, your ‘funs’ and ‘boredoms’, your delights and discontents. Elate all beautiful events and experiences with the spirit of an infant and immerse yourself in their wonderment. For, do you sincerely believe you no longer have these rights? To feel bliss and thrill, among others? When I began in these forums I used to tell members whom shared similar hardship to yours that moving forward did not mean to stay in a stagnant, comfortable state awaiting answers but to continue exploring, experimenting, experiencing and discovering to increase the chances of a possible stimulating development to occur and render imperative metamorphosis. In fact, do try to view yourself as such: a butterfly constantly metamorphosing from one beautiful design to another. You’ve currently simply obtained a flat tire. But your engine isn’t dead. It still breathes, in fact, and presently running on a spare, awaiting to be refitted with a new one.

As for coming to terms with your past and having mixed feelings about your parents, it is simply a matter of deep understanding. We were all young once, inexperienced, possibly brash and/or foolish, etc….including our parents. Some of us may never have had the proper guidance and influences to render us into ‘wholesome’ beings. Can a person be blamed for sexually abusing their offspring when they themselves have been subject to it? Can a gangster be blamed for killing another gangster when all he/she has known is this hostile environment? Can a North Korean citizen be blamed for hating America when they’ve been exposed to anti-American propaganda all their lives? It is the same with your parents, especially your father. Perhaps he did have a father who tried to teach him right, perhaps his father did not do enough, perhaps his father was an alcoholic, perhaps his father wasn’t around enough, etc..the scenarios are limitless. The point is, we must try to remain understanding to his situation. As you well know, the world, global society, does not do the greatest of jobs in cultivating spiritual and mental development in our most critical and receptive years. Hence, he cannot be blamed. In fact, no one can be blamed. We are all on this earth living our existence in accordance to our many influences. In this truth we therefore all remain entirely innocent. On this earth there exists no being who knows it all and is thus allowed to pass truly accurate judgment. Your parents, yourself and I along with the rest of the TB members will forever remain children of life; constantly learning and (hopefully) changing into better beings.

There is definitely more I would like to add, however, my injury is beginning to aggravate me and I do not want to be distracted when helping a fellow human being. Perhaps I will touch more once you reply. And, per usual, I apologize in advance if I’ve made any grammatical mistakes. If something seems confusing, please be sure to let me know so I may clarify/correct myself. I hope this helps.

Al