You are right, Sann, that I have not been tuning into myself and am looking towards external things. I thought I was doing some sort of meditation while exercising. I do agree though that I need to learn to relax with myself so that I can make good decisions. I will try meditating in a way that is is just focused on meditation. I’ve been trying to sit with my thoughts. I believe I am just upset as I realized while writing this that I may not be in a relationship again for a long time. I know it’s for the best. I could pursue a relationship, but I want to try something new and have the guy initiate this time. I want the relationship dynamics to be closer to 50/50, rather than way off. Thank you for responding Sann.