Hi all,

Thanks a lot for your replies.

I realise it’s about self-sabotaging, not doing things that are good for me and that way keep myself being stressed and not in control.
It will be work to change that, but i will do it. And give it the time that I need.
Thank you for the input.

Jack, you remind me of a few things, that might be good for me as well.

Caroline, i’m not sure about the shoulds. I think instead it’s more ‘need’. If i say ‘could’, i make it still very optional, while it’s actually a necessity. Perhaps it’s more like eating, or getting proper sleep, or getting up in the morning. We don’t say, i could eat, but we need to eat, if we want to stay healthy. And equally, it’s not a good idea to voluntarily creating lack of sleep, if we want to function well. I think this is similar, just to take some time each day to do something nourishing, like reading (something important for me, but i barely do it, am so frustrated about it), i don’t want to make it optional, it’s something i need in order to be relaxed and happy, so i will work towards making it integrated in my days. Something that is normal, instead of something that i have to fight hard for, and do a lot of effort because i believe i don’t have the right to do these things.

What do you mean with the charm offensive?

Anita,
Wow, a lot of recognition to what you say.
Thank you.
1) The authority figure is yourself. Yes, and how many of us are giving our own power away to others the whole time. Yesterday my therapist said something like, as long as you don’t believe that you are able to do this or that, there will be something in yourself blocking you from doing it. I think it’s the same, we need confidence to give ourselves the power. As long as i tell myself that other people know it better than me, know more than me, i won’t have the confidence that i am in charge of my life and to know it. I don’t know how to find that confidence, but i actually think, i will get there.

2) Wow, thank you for the recognition. Not that i’m happy that you recognise that, because it’s not a very healthy habit.
I relate to what you are saying, always expecting an attack, while the attack is usually in our mind, that it is going to happen. And it is so funny, the best way to be able to defend us IF there would come an attack, is by relaxing and being happy. Then everything will just come by itself and we don’t need to be ready.

Thank you.

I realise now, this is a very strong pattern, built up over many years within me, always being occupied with how i come across to other people. This will take time to change it. I don’t know exactly how, but i will get there 🙂

• This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by Sann.