Thanks guys. I know you shouldn’t put your happiness on outside influences but I’m sure once I move and find a new job next year I’ll be fine. [Or at least not as down]

I’ve always been called negative, so it’s hard to say. It really started to spiral a year or two ago I think. Not too sure why. I get a lot of support from my boyfriend, so I guess finally talking to someone made it explode. We were actually talking last night, he thinks the problem is I’ve bottled my emotions and they’re all coming out. I guess that could be true. But if that’s the cast I’ve got almost 20 years of bottled emotions. I say that because my negative emotions began when I was about 9 and my parents started fighting. I’m the oldest so I was told to ‘be a rock’ and I had to help everyone. My mom had depression and cancer at the time and my dad was so stressed he smoked 3 packs a day so I had to step up. People didn’t like seeing me upset, so I tried to please everyone. But I doubt that’s the problem, that was so long ago it doesn’t matter. [Or at least it shouldn’t]

Everything I seem to try only makes my depression worse. I’m not suicidal, but if I was to describe my daily emotional state it would be ‘numb’ I don’t really feel anything, just a steady medium. Oh well, perhaps I’ll try finding a hobby, that might help.