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Sick of depression

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  • #87563
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    Ok, so I know I can’t just say “that’s it! I’m done being depressed.” And stop forever, but I am sick of being depressed and I want to figure out how to heal. I have anxiety and depression, and I have learned to live with anxiety and I rarely have panic attacks anymore. Now I’m wanting to focus on my depression because it’s gotten out of hand. Does anyone have any suggestions?

    I already meditate and journal, does anyone have any other suggestions? My doctor doesn’t want to prescribe anything because [her words] I should “just be positive.” And I can’t see a therapist because I can’t take any time off work [only employee] I can’t afford it, and the only therapist in town is open on the weekday, so therapy is also out.

    Thanks everyone.

    #87565
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nekoshema:

    You are online and so am I. Maybe we can talk about it back and forth. What thoughts go through your mind when you are most depressed? When did it start? As a result of what?

    anita

    #87566
    jock
    Participant

    I still can’t get out of my mind that you work 10 hour days without a proper break. That’s enough to make anyone depressed.

    #87627
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Thanks guys. I know you shouldn’t put your happiness on outside influences but I’m sure once I move and find a new job next year I’ll be fine. [Or at least not as down]

    I’ve always been called negative, so it’s hard to say. It really started to spiral a year or two ago I think. Not too sure why. I get a lot of support from my boyfriend, so I guess finally talking to someone made it explode. We were actually talking last night, he thinks the problem is I’ve bottled my emotions and they’re all coming out. I guess that could be true. But if that’s the cast I’ve got almost 20 years of bottled emotions. I say that because my negative emotions began when I was about 9 and my parents started fighting. I’m the oldest so I was told to ‘be a rock’ and I had to help everyone. My mom had depression and cancer at the time and my dad was so stressed he smoked 3 packs a day so I had to step up. People didn’t like seeing me upset, so I tried to please everyone. But I doubt that’s the problem, that was so long ago it doesn’t matter. [Or at least it shouldn’t]

    Everything I seem to try only makes my depression worse. I’m not suicidal, but if I was to describe my daily emotional state it would be ‘numb’ I don’t really feel anything, just a steady medium. Oh well, perhaps I’ll try finding a hobby, that might help.

    #87633
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nekoshema:

    To be told as a child “to be a rock” so to help everyone – that is so wrong for the child’s well being. You, as a child, needed a parent to be like a rock for you, someone to rely on, someone to comfort you, not the other way around. No way such a role given to you has nothing to do with how you feel now.

    If you ask a rock how it feels and the rock could answer, it would probably say “numb”- it has to stay numb or otherwise risk crumbling and disintegrating into sand.

    Turn yourself back from rock to child and talk to your boyfriend about how you feel, little things, how you felt as the … rock, hurt, scared, talk about how you felt then, in small doses if it gets overwhelming. Just for a moment if you lose the feeling quickly once you start talking (automatic numbing/ dissociating pattern).

    anita

    #87635
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Thanks Anita, I’ll try that.

    #88404
    Nerdy Creator
    Participant

    Hi Nekoshema,

    Being sick of depression might be the first step of getting out of depression. I recently had depression too. And I’m so tired and sick of me crying uncontrollably and the depression kept coming back. I was so angry and let out all my anger. And I felt so much better and relieved.

    Find an empty room and just shout and scream and punch. Just let yourself feel all the anger and emotions. Once it all out, you’ll feel so much better.

    I’ve documented what I did in my blog posts. You can check them out. Hope that will help you.
    http://www.nerdycreator.com/blog/feeling-depressed/
    http://www.nerdycreator.com/blog/feeling-angry/

    #88411
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Thanks. I’ve actually been feeling a lot better, I’ve been working on mindfulness and it’s really helped.

    #88445
    lovelimess
    Participant

    Not that it actually matters but I have to say:

    “To be told as a child “to be a rock” so to help everyone – that is so wrong for the child’s well being.”

    With the provided information, we can’t possibly understand the context of the conversations that this was said to this child.
    I assume you, Anita, know the difference between fact and opinion? Opinions like these are unfair and this is a perfect example of the kind of uninformed conclusions that some people are seeking to draw. Why so quick on the trigger?

    Do you have children? If so, focus your assumptions on them. If not, my apologies as I realize, everything looks easy from your perspective.

    #88450
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Reader:

    The above post was posted by my own personal online stalker. I do not know why my not-so-lovely stalker took upon herself or himself to stalk me, to follow my comments TO OTHERS, and express her aggression against me again and again. I am taking upon my self to NOT read any comment made by my stalker, the above user name, including most of the above. I will simply skip his/ her posts altogether.

    I noticed there are other comments by same on other threads and I will not read them. Therefore this is my last response to my stalker on any of the threads where she or he posts. It is not my job to take in her aggression, her poison.

    It does make me think though about being more careful myself regarding my own aggression, anger. To learn from it, not resist it, find the message behind it, use it to protect myself, but not DUMP it on someone, not mistreat another, as I have done at times, regretfully, and as people do every day, everywhere. It is unfortunate.

    anita

    #88454
    Anne
    Participant

    My advice would be to get another doctor – one who understands depression. Sometimes, thinking positively isn’t enough, it’s like trying to walk out a cramp when the problem is a broken leg. It can actually make things worse.

    My experience… I was on anti depressants for a year – best decision I ever made. I do still have *mild* depression occasionally, but that can be managed with mindfulness, etc.

    #88487
    jock
    Participant

    lovelimess
    anita is not always right.your point might be valid, I don’t know.I haven’t read it. I think the bigger issue here is you being more focussed on fault-finding in anita than doing what she is doing; trying to help others in need. I support anita because I want to encourage anyone who is trying to do something positive. Without her, this forum would collapse, in my opinion. I don’t want to see that happen because she is genuinely making a difference to people’s lives.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by jock.
    #88490
    anita
    Participant

    * Jack: thank you again. I sincerely don’t know what I would have done without you on this forum: your support of me is of a great value to me.

    * As I posted somewhere yesterday, I no longer read anything that my stalker writes, not a word, nothing. I see the her username and I skip her posts completely. So whatever posts are to come, know Jack, that I will not know anything about their content, and do not care.

    anita

    #89163
    Tammy
    Participant

    Nekoshema,
    I would encourage you to begin with a doctor that understands depression. I myself have had depression for most of my adult life (30+ years). I wasn’t able to actually start healing until I found a doctor that understood what I needed. Besides the prescription meds, my doctor also checked my Vitamin D levels. Turns out my were extremely low. I would guess that if you are someone that works a lot you are not getting out into the sunshine and fresh air. The Vit D has been very helpful.

    I have also been working with a doctor that specializes in sleep issues to address those issues as well. Lack of sleep is yet another reason for depression. While it sounds like you are in a tough place in your life, taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do. Not only does it help ease the depression but I honestly believe that you are sending a message to the inner you, that you are worth the effort.

    #89217
    Wesley
    Participant

    Hey nekkoshema.

    Ive had depression all my life.
    What me dragged trough it for the most of the time is to think about a place where i am happy and trying to keeo that i mind and work towards it.. it helps

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