Thank you for sharing more of your story Jenny. What you went through sounds like an incredibly painful experience, and I’m grateful that you are in a place now where you can share it. I was actually taking anti depressants for the first time right before I met this girl, but there were unforeseen side-effects that made me want to try something else. When my doctor picked another for me, it seemed my anxiety symptoms got worse, so I just decided to do away with a daily medication and stick to taking Xanax when my panic attacks happened. That seems to have worked out good enough. I just don’t have the courage to try out new once-daily prescriptions anymore.

The anger in my panic attack brought a lot of reality out, and killed a lot of fantasy. That was difficult, because like I said I had convinced myself all the trouble was going to dissipate and it would all get better. I put her on a pedestal, and I put too much heart into the unlikely future. It was an important realization.

I woke up today with little anger left in me. Just like Jenny said, the days fluctuate feelings. I’m back to feeling the loss of a person I cared deeply for. I miss having her around… but I don’t mess the stress of not knowing when she would be.

I hung out with friends last night, and I’m going out again tonight. My weekend should be nice. Work will be less chaotic next week too. Things are going in the right direction ever so slowly.

She sent me a game invite to that app we played again last night. It didn’t really bother me as much this time, and I simply ignored it. I guess I know for certain that she misses me too.

Thanks for reading.