i think an apartment would work best for me. i think rooming with other people would be kind of unnerving. i guess the communication part of it haha. i’m not used to it so much.

and i do feel like a pawn, but i also feel like god’s keeping me from whatever may be good as well. like if i cross the line or if i make a wrong move it’ll be taken away from me. i like to believe that maybe there’s something good for me, but if i mess something up, then i won’t be allowed to have it. this thing, i really don’t know what it is. i guess it must be that good if god’s hiding it haha! but outside of that, i really do feel like a pawn. like i’m an example to others of “don’t be like this. live a better life. you’re better than her”.