February 3, 2016 at 5:58 pm #94869
i actually got invited to my kindefgarten teacher’s class so i can see what she does and we can talk about the profession it’s self. i’m planning on going next week.
and i figured the same about money – it’ll only be me that i’ll have to support so all i need is a modest pay, but i want to move (to california). moving on it’s own is big, but moving to california i think would be major. i already live in new york so i suppose price ranges would be the same? i’m not sure. but the whole figuring out how life works and paying bills thing, that would scare me to be so far away from home and get myself into trouble with all those finances and stuff.
i also don’t know whatelse i would want to do with my life (jobwise). i feel like a job is like 75% of your life and i would hate to spend that 75 being miserable at a job i really hate you know?February 3, 2016 at 6:42 pm #94886
You can’t figure out everything from where you are right now. There will never be a time when everything will be planned out with 100% guarantee of success..and then you execute the plan. You plan some, then take a step, experience it, then make more choices. Not all at once before doing anything.
I moved to California on my own a long time ago. It is a big state. Where in California are you thinking of moving to? In Southern CA the rents are very expensive but depends on the area. If you move, you can rent a room in someone’s house, you can live with roommates, you can rent a small Bachelor (small apt without a kitchen) or a Single (with kitchen) for lesser money than renting a One Bedroom.
So will you take your kindergarten teacher’s invitation? That will be taking a step and experiencing it instead of planning everything at once (unworkable, really!_
anitaFebruary 3, 2016 at 7:37 pm #94901
i’m definitely gonna go to the kindergarten class if not next week hopefully the week after. i think it should be really fun, but i’m also a little nervous haha! i think it will help a lot though.
i was thinking of moving to los angeles or at least somewhere around there. i’ve looked at some of the prices on rent and they’re ridiculous prices, but pretty expected since it’s a major city. it’s also hard to figure out the safest places to live.February 3, 2016 at 7:50 pm #94907
I am glad you are going to try the Kindergarten class!
About LA, I lived there most of my life so i can talk to you a lot about LA! I moved to Washington State in 2013 but lived in the following, all parts of Southern California:
Hermosa Beach, Redondo Beach, Santa Monica, Venice, West LA, LA, Culver City, Encino…(LA County)
Oxnard (Ventura County)
I will be glad to share with you anything and everything I know about my experience living there!
anitaFebruary 3, 2016 at 11:02 pm #94920AlParticipant
Sometimes, the flow of ‘society’ moves so rapidly and intensely that it causes/forces us to rush to keep up with its pace. It makes us believe that to get to our dedestination we must do as it dictates. Sadly, some of us never reach the destination it sets for us, some of us reach ‘the end’ only to find it lacking while some of us follow along with no idea how to (properly) navigate. Is it possible that these things apply to your situation?
My dear, a flow does indeed exist. However, it is not ‘society’s’ flow but ‘your’ flow that you need to follow. And, because it is your flow you have full ability of choosing its speed. Please always remember this. Also, it’s quite understanding that helming your own ship can seem frightening but what is a journey without some unknowns? Without some fear? Without lack of knowledge and uncertainties? With so many elements foreign to us it then becomes paramount that we set a balanced pace. Taking care in understanding all the events that enter our lives helps bolster a collected mind. In addition, while true that there will exist some individuals who seem to navigate more skillfully in comparison to ourselves we must recall that we are all shaped differently (in mind and body). The factors which conditions us are too many and ultimately out of our control. However, does this mean we should wallow in self pity? Does this mean we do not have the ability to apply ourselves to do as them? Does this mean the end?
Good friend, fate or no fate, God or no God, we are all exactly where we are supposed to be. However, with the freewill He’s bestowed upon us, I would think we are allowed to choose our destiny, don’t you think? Also, instead of thinking of the uncertainty that maybe God doesn’t want us to be happy, how about thinking of the absolute certainty that God gave us an existence with limitless possibilities? Doesn’t this ring more true?
Your destination will never be truly clear. And it’s perfectly fine. Your journey is sure to totter, just like everyone else’s. This doesn’t mean your life can’t be enjoyable. You don’t have all the answers and never will. However, isnt the prospect of discovery more appealing? An existence where I obtained all the knowledge would leave no room for surprises; for delight. It would be unstimulating. Hence, unleash the beautiful being you’ve imprisoned too long within, conquer all fears by tapping into your dreams, welcome the difficulties with their invaluable knowledge to be gained and recall that this is not a race. Life should be pleasured in, not suffered. It is only worth it if we relish in it.
I hope this helps and please forgive any grammatical errors.
AlFebruary 4, 2016 at 5:17 am #94934
that’s so cool! how was culver city? i was thinking of moving there the most since it’s pretty much right in the middle of venice beach & hollywood
you make some really good points – like if i had all knowledge of what my life would be, how would that be fun or exciting? then i probably wouldn’t enjoy my life so much or want more and more. and with flow, society really does make everything whiz by, but my own flow, i feel is not even flowing. i don’t even feel that i have control over it. i feel like god is making me wait for things to happen and i don’t want to go against that because then i’ll feel like i’m doing something wrong. like i’m not obeying. i’m not so sure how to explain it. it’s a very weird feeling. as if i’m a tool. as if i have to live a certain life besides a life i’d like to live.
(i felt your grammar was perfect by the way!)
February 4, 2016 at 8:29 am #94944
- This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Wisdom.
Of all the places I lived in LA County (A large, very spread out area from the South Bay in the south to the Valley in the north for one), I have fond memories of Culver City but that is my personal experience. And if I was to live in LA again, I would probably choose Culver City. It is very close to the city of LA, to downtown LA and very close to the rest of the West Side (West LA, Santa Monica etc.). I like the residential areas, private homes (I lived in rooms in such homes) but there are lots and lots of apartments.
I read your post to the other poster and I remember you wrote before about feeling like a pawn. It seems to me that you are feeling like your life is not in your control at all, that god has a plan and you are afraid to make the wrong move, fearing your move may not be according to god’s plan.
Do you feel then that you need to obey the plan, like a pawn, and you are waiting to “hear” exactly what the plan is before you can execute it obediently?
anitaFebruary 4, 2016 at 8:49 am #94947
i think an apartment would work best for me. i think rooming with other people would be kind of unnerving. i guess the communication part of it haha. i’m not used to it so much.
and i do feel like a pawn, but i also feel like god’s keeping me from whatever may be good as well. like if i cross the line or if i make a wrong move it’ll be taken away from me. i like to believe that maybe there’s something good for me, but if i mess something up, then i won’t be allowed to have it. this thing, i really don’t know what it is. i guess it must be that good if god’s hiding it haha! but outside of that, i really do feel like a pawn. like i’m an example to others of “don’t be like this. live a better life. you’re better than her”.February 4, 2016 at 9:43 am #94953
There is such a thing as “rent control” apartments in Santa Monica and LA city, maybe in other places, where the rent is significantly lower than the going rate. It would be wonderful if you could get into such a building, that is other Rent Control regulations. I have no practical knowledge about it at this point. I did live in a few such: great apartments, great areas and low rent. Only I was not the one who applied for such or was on the rental agreement (I lived in those as a roommate only), so I don’t know how it came about.
As to your second paragraph: you have certain beliefs about who you are and who god is. And the two are connected. You view god as a tricky god, one that keeps you from what is good… who is unforgiving if you cross the line or make a wrong move.
Do you think that how you view god is connected to how your parents have been treating you, that you are projecting your parents into your concept of god? This is a tough question, and it is okay if you have no answer to this.
And it is okay if you don’t have an answer to this one: are you willing to examine your view of god and are you open to find out a … more correct view of who god is: maybe a forgiving god, maybe a god that is okay with you making mistakes… ?
anitaFebruary 4, 2016 at 10:05 am #94961
i’ve actually never heard of rent control, so i’d have to look into that!
and i wouldn’t so much say that i think god is too tricky. confusing – yes. but tricky, i’m not sure. maybe more strict than tricky. the way i view god could be sort of connection to my parents, i’ve actually never looked at it that way. and i usually try to see how other people view god, yet and still i feel like god is different for me. maybe because people have things work out for them or they have things that i’d like to have (like a friendship or a relationship, or both really). and after seeing how others view god or how god has helped them, i feel i either have to wait and or eventually feel like maybe there’s nothing good in store for me. hopefully i answered your question, anita.
i am also definitely very interested in opening my beliefs of god. i am actually contemplating what religion to look into. at first i was thinking islam (i have a qu’ran but i haven’t just yet figured how to navigate through it), but i also find buddhism/taoism very interesting, but it’s a little tricky to find books on that. i was also pretty interested in judiasm, but i want to focus more on islam and buddhism at the moment.February 4, 2016 at 10:08 am #94964
just to add: maybe since i look at god as a friend (because lots of people say that god is our friend), i see him as i see how people that would be my friend would treat me. maybe i feel like god is supposed to be by my side because he is god, but he’s maybe testing me or playing around with me. i’m not so sure.February 4, 2016 at 10:36 am #94972
I am so curious as to how your belief in god will change and progress over time… What an interesting and fascinating process!
Now, if god is on your side, then he wouldn’t be playing around with you! That is not what someone on your side does!
But how would you know what a friend does, or what love is about if you weren’t truly loved and having had a friend before, a real friend, on your side?
I would like to be then, your friend in context of this forum. I want to be on your side, more so than before: as your friend then, I first value you as someone important and worthy of respect and empathy and appreciation. I am interested in your views and value your thoughts and your feelings. I am honest with you and have no hidden motivations. I do not play around with you: I say what I mean and mean what I say. Whatever religion you choose, if you do, is okay with me. What is important for me is your well being, that you will experience life as something interesting and often enough, rewarding.
Till your next share-
anitaFebruary 4, 2016 at 11:49 am #94984
i did have one true friend. my grandpa. unfortunately i didn’t get to know him for too long. sometimes i feel like i did something wrong for it to happen, but i don’t know. it’s really a pretty long and personal story. i’ve never done anything to cause him harm, but i feel like i mess up anything at pretty much anytime.
i see you as a friend here already anita and i just wanna thank you so much once again for being one of the only people to take your time and answer my every inquiry i am really truly thankfulFebruary 4, 2016 at 1:11 pm #94990
You are welcome!
You believe then, that you are not qualified to make good choices, that you can mess things up anytime. No wonder you… prefer to think of yourself as a pawn who is waiting for god to let you know of the next move you are supposed to make.
Your healing is going to be about you believing that you are capable of knowing what to do, that you are capable of making good choices, of taking more control over your life, gradually.
It will take time.
Would you like to tell the story of your grandpa and why you feel responsible…?
I will be away from the computer for a few hours…
anitaFebruary 4, 2016 at 2:42 pm #94992
i think it’s a little too personal anita. i was going to write it and then delete it after you read it, but i don’t think you can do that. not mobile anyway.
i think i just have a thing where no one can stay with me too long. either no one actually ever liked me or they have me around for their own benefit (like if people’s plans fall through, i’m the next to fill that void). but this was never the case with my grandpa. he actually loved me and i know it for sure. i guess there’s just something about me that won’t let me keep people around. something beyond the physical world i think.