The beginning years with R-2 were fun and exciting. We had money, time and lots of exciting friends. Traveled to beaches and tropical islands. Have been on 30+ cruises over the years. I started becoming melancholy and afraid around 1999.
He lost his money and went bankrupt. He depended on me for all finances. He had savings and went into unemployment benefits. I started to pay all the bills. He recover minimally with low end jobs and saved his money as I paid all the bills. I started to have to take loans just to keep up. I refused to tell him anything, as he couldn’t pay anyway. We have always had separate checking and savings from day one. I was too independent to have someone else control my paychecks. We just negotiated in the beginning who pays what. After the bankruptcy, it became all my problem. He has since recovered in the past 6 years to a retail job that still pays only about 40% of what I make. He saves his money and I keep paying. There is no discussion between us as it escalates to argument. Then he wants to see all my finances. I dont want that. He may demand more from me. I hand over the tax refund as “emergency money” and he is supposed to do house repairs. He doesnt spend much on that and just hoards it.
We have never been able to have any more than surface conversations. He doesnt like to delve deeper and find problems.
I am afraid of rage, yes. It can make for physical and emotional pain. And with the idea of I am at fault…..