Thanks Matt for your piece of advice..

As described being analytical by you I find it extremely hard to get a hold on the concept of being “in responsible” for your own toughts. I am eager to know and learn more about it, and I actually have some friends who have started meditating, but for me it seems that it’s kind of a religion on a new wrapping. My friends are doing yoga but maybe this mindfulness could be different thing?

I don’t know where I get this idea but the concept of having total responsiblity over your own thoughts shares something in common with the ethos of right-wing politicians?

You know…

That you force the world to be your tool for success and if you don’t manage to do so – then the problem is your own personality and your lack of willpower and persistence.

Point is that I really can’t control my own feelings as they come and go.

I sense that there is something in my personality that wants me to be sad and not happy? It’s in the very deep core of my mind, maybe something to do with childhood when I was using self-pity to get attention because I never could earn it by being succesful in things I wanted to be good at, mainly sports and outdoors activities. Bringing A:s to home from school never really boosted that manly machismo in the same way as competing against other boys and winning them.

Funny that even as an adult you feel that you never got that medal you always wanted…