hello Peter,

All I can tell you is that you WILL get out of this emotional impasse. It seems funny how I was about to start a topic on how I have finally gotten out of that exact same situation you are living through, then I saw post and decided to read it. God brought us together =)
Ever since I was 15 years old, my life has been all about the inside rather than the outside world; emotions, doubts, questions, feelings, sadness, happiness. I never understood why I felt that way, so different from everyone else. I looked at people, including my family and they appeared to me as “robots” (that’s what I like to call people who don’t have the privilege of experiencing what we are experiencing and live merely on the material and physical world). All that time I had to go through ups and downs exactly as you described yours, but every time I fell, I got up even stronger, closer to true form, wiser and much more intuitive and sensitive. But I have to admit that every time I fell it also felt darker and much more depressive. There were times when I started crying out of nothing and this cycle repeated for about 11 years, which means im 26 right now =)
2 months ago, something extraordinary and unexplainable happened to me, of course, It was not out of nothing. I was feeling a little depressed and emotional about some relationship problems and thanks to that I finally and truly became to realize the power within me. It was like somehow those emotional problems I was having pushed myself to my limits and I broke free. I became so close to my soul, to my true form (whatever you want to call it) that I love myself so much right now and I am able to express it on the outside without being needy or expecting the same thing from other people. I feel like somehow I am finally free to do whatever I want. I became extremely intuitive and sensitive to other people’s feelings. I even decided to test it and could easily tell how people felt even by just texting me! it is incredible =) sometimes I feel surges of energy, of emotion in my heart, like something is alive and vibrating inside and I get so much clarity of mind that I can finally understand why everything happened the way it did and where things are headed.
I just want you to know that you should never give up, keep pushing yourself because in the end you will feel like you won’t live long enough to thank god for what happened to you and how you will end up feeling. it is truly a gift. I am telling you this from the bottom of my heart and being as sincere as I can.
The answer is withink yourself =)