Carl,
I am not a doctor. I stumbled upon this post however and your situation has ripped my heart out. Hopefully, you have followed the advice of Dr. Coto who responded to your post. He sounds like he knows how to help you.

Please don’t hurt yourself. If venting at all helps you and you need someone to listen I’m your man. If you want to vent privately, I will listen to you anytime…send me an email to RandyHendrix123@gmail.com.

I am quite certain you have more to offer than you realize. Please hang in there and get the meds you need and stay on them and I just know your life will brighten up soon. You might not see the value in your life right now for different reasons but I’ll bet there are people out there who really care about you and if not then I do and I don’t even know you.

Peace and love to you my friend. Please let me know that you are all right

Randy