I’m really glad that things are looking better for you.

You are kind to say I am smart. I’m not at all, it is just so much easier to see your way around other people’s problems because I am viewing them from a distance and objectively. I wish I could deal with my own life that simply!

What you wrote in your most recent comment reminded me of something I was told that one of the teachers in my tradition used to say. He used to say ‘Be gentle with yourself’.

I think there is a lot of wisdom in that and I really think you need to be gentle with yourself and just let go of this situation. You’ve made it clear that you are a perfectionist and it does seem like you are just beating yourself up. You are a human being with all the flaws that go with that. You had some feelings, it’s natural. You are trying to move on, so be gentle with yourself.

I have also read somewhere that we have to learn to forgive ourselves before we can forgive others. I think there is a lot of wisdom in that too. I think that if we can’t forgive ourselves it’s because we hold ourselves against a too high standard of perfection or perfect behaviour. We think we should be doing this or thinking that and we berate ourselves if we don’t.

This has at least two negative outcomes. Firstly we get stuck in a negative spiral in the way we think about ourselves. This is unwise because it makes us feel rotten and it is demotivating. It’s hard to do anything positive when we are constantly putting ourselves down.

I also think that if we can’t forgive ourselves, we can’t forgive others because secretly on some level we hold them to the same standard that we do ourselves. If we do that not only are we going to never move on from negative situations, but in the future we are going to be constantly disappointed in others too.

That was a rather long winded way of saying, don’t be so hard on yourself! I hope you can be kinder to yourself.