Hello, so my life is really strange and I don’t get what I’m doing wrong. But there’s certainly something that I am doing wrong. Currently I am feeling really really anxious, these days come and go, but recently they became harder and harder to go through. Let me tell you more about myself.

I was the only child in a family. My both parents were really loving, we were middle class family. Our whole family was not very big but I had a really nice childhood, Christmas and all other celebrations were nice and warm, I received a lots of love. Personally – I was really out going, I was popular in school, had a lot of girls, a lot of “good friends” (I thought like that back then), I was really interested in business and living on my own, not working to anyone, had many small businesses some of them were not very legal (for example selling counterfeit Nike shoes from China), some of them were small eCommerce dropshipping businesses, and I had interest in that since I was 15-16. I was a riot in school (I didn’t do any homework, but still managed to get good grades, I was just talented at listening during the lessons) and even back then I didn’t want to go the traditional route like everyone, go to uni, get a 9-5 job, and live like that, I knew I was here for something bigger (might be the core issue?).

Everything changed somewhere in the year 18. My father had a mistress for over a year (maybe more, who knows), and my whole family life messed up. There were super bad vibe in the house for like a year (senior year), my parents always fighting, mother always in panic mode, was drinking a lot, a huge transitional period it was really tough. I finished high school, enrolled in to university, dropped out, my head was a mess, I was still trying to build businesses which all of them failed, I was working as a freelancer, that was my main source of income, my parents are not rich and had hard time supporting me. I re-enrolled second time, dropped out again, huge mess in my head. Traveled to US to do some business which also failed miserably and I got betrayed by my friend, got back from there, went to Spain to do some business, that failed too. Now for the past 6 months I am living in my old house with my mother (father is already away and living with a mistress), the vibe is horrible, I am just sitting here and building business which looks like gonna fail and working as a freelancer still.

This was all during year 18-21, of course there were many other things, but this is just an abstract so you could get the view.

So currently I am feeling really anxious and lonely, I want to leave everything the fuck alone and just go somewhere to start a new life, but I am afraid that I will fail like I did fail at everything since 18 years old, I don’t have a girlfriend, I don’t have lots of money, I don’t have any real support apart my loving mother who is drinking constantly (she’s not alcoholic, she has a job and everything, but she’s drunk every evening and whatever I do is OK with her, she doesn’t give me some REAL GOOD ADVICE on how should I proceed, I am not blaming her, but she’s not the support I need).

I am building an eCommerce business and overall my life from the side looks like I’m doing pretty good, I do have constant income, dreams and I am a really loyal person, have some good friends who I can hang out with, but I am still not feeling happy and fulfilled, I’m feeling lonely and lost, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this, I want something more. I am currently in super comfort zone, I live in a nice house, got good food (life is cheap in Latvia).

Currently I am planning to go to the US, just go there find some odd job (maybe use HelpX and go to work to some farm for food and bed) and try developing that supplement business further, work there and just live, but I don’t have the courage to do that, big cities, no vehicle, no place to live, no people I know, only $2k USD to start, this might be a bad decision, don’t you think? OR maybe it’s going to be the right decision because I’ll push myself out of comfort zone and start living real life?

Anyways, if you need me to add something more for a good advice – please tell me, I’ll try to explain as clear as possible.

Thank you for reading if you did, and I really appreciate any kind of comment because I need this a lot right now, I have no one sincere and smart enough to give me some nice advice right now on how to proceed, I need help!