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21 years old, feeling really really bad.

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  anita 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #308813

    October
    Participant

    Hello, so my life is really strange and I don’t get what I’m doing wrong. But there’s certainly something that I am doing wrong. Currently I am feeling really really anxious, these days come and go, but recently they became harder and harder to go through. Let me tell you more about myself.

    I was the only child in a family. My both parents were really loving, we were middle class family. Our whole family was not very big but I had a really nice childhood, Christmas and all other celebrations were nice and warm, I received a lots of love. Personally – I was really out going, I was popular in school, had a lot of girls, a lot of “good friends” (I thought like that back then), I was really interested in business and living on my own, not working to anyone, had many small businesses some of them were not very legal (for example selling counterfeit Nike shoes from China), some of them were small eCommerce dropshipping businesses, and I had interest in that since I was 15-16. I was a riot in school (I didn’t do any homework, but still managed to get good grades, I was just talented at listening during the lessons) and even back then I didn’t want to go the traditional route like everyone, go to uni, get a 9-5 job, and live like that, I knew I was here for something bigger (might be the core issue?).

    Everything changed somewhere in the year 18. My father had a mistress for over a year (maybe more, who knows), and my whole family life messed up. There were super bad vibe in the house for like a year (senior year), my parents always fighting, mother always in panic mode, was drinking a lot, a huge transitional period it was really tough. I finished high school, enrolled in to university, dropped out, my head was a mess, I was still trying to build businesses which all of them failed, I was working as a freelancer, that was my main source of income, my parents are not rich and had hard time supporting me. I re-enrolled second time, dropped out again, huge mess in my head. Traveled to US to do some business which also failed miserably and I got betrayed by my friend, got back from there, went to Spain to do some business, that failed too. Now for the past 6 months I am living in my old house with my mother (father is already away and living with a mistress), the vibe is horrible, I am just sitting here and building business which looks like gonna fail and working as a freelancer still.

    This was all during year 18-21, of course there were many other things, but this is just an abstract so you could get the view.

    So currently I am feeling really anxious and lonely, I want to leave everything the fuck alone and just go somewhere to start a new life, but I am afraid that I will fail like I did fail at everything since 18 years old, I don’t have a girlfriend, I don’t have lots of money, I don’t have any real support apart my loving mother who is drinking constantly (she’s not alcoholic, she has a job and everything, but she’s drunk every evening and whatever I do is OK with her, she doesn’t give me some REAL GOOD ADVICE on how should I proceed, I am not blaming her, but she’s not the support I need).

    I am building an eCommerce business and overall my life from the side looks like I’m doing pretty good, I do have constant income, dreams and I am a really loyal person, have some good friends who I can hang out with, but I am still not feeling happy and fulfilled, I’m feeling lonely and lost, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this, I want something more. I am currently in super comfort zone, I live in a nice house, got good food (life is cheap in Latvia).

    Currently I am planning to go to the US, just go there find some odd job (maybe use HelpX and go to work to some farm for food and bed) and try developing that supplement business further, work there and just live, but I don’t have the courage to do that, big cities, no vehicle, no place to live, no people I know, only $2k USD to start, this might be a bad decision, don’t you think? OR maybe it’s going to be the right decision because I’ll push myself out of comfort zone and start living real life?

    Anyways, if you need me to add something more for a good advice – please tell me, I’ll try to explain as clear as possible.

    Thank you for reading if you did, and I really appreciate any kind of comment because I need this a lot right now, I have no one sincere and smart enough to give me some nice advice right now on how to proceed, I need help!

    #308817

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi October,

    You are very ambitious, having all these businesses at a relatively young age! They all failed, though, probably because you weren’t meant to start anything on your own yet.

    And even though you kept dropping out of school, I would strongly encourage you to go back and complete your degree. Any degree! It should be easier as a slightly older student. Enjoy school life, not just hustling. If you can live on campus, do it! That will get you away from your mom.

    Unfortunately, it might take your mom several years to process your dad’s unfaithfulness. You can support her, but I wouldn’t live there.

    Best,

    Inky

    #308819

    anita
    Participant

    Dear October:

    I need to understand better, therefore I ask:

    You wrote, “My both parents were really loving.. I had a really nice childhood… Everything changed somewhere in the year 18… my parents always fighting, mother always in panic mode, was drinking a lot… So currently.. (your mother) is drinking constantly.. she’s drunk every evening… she doesn’t give me some REAL GOOD ADVICE or how should I proceed..she’s not the support I need”-

    -will you tell me how did your mother support you for 18 years, what real good advice did she give you in your first 18 years?

    -Same question as above, regarding your father: what support and good advice did he give you in your first 18 years?

    anita

     

    #308825

    October
    Participant

    Dear Inky, thanks for your reply, that’s something I will do after this year if I don’t hit major success during this year (deadlines already passed, can’t enroll anywhere).

    Dear Anita,

    Well actually, I haven’t received any good advice from both of them during those years. They were very supportive in whatever I wanted to do. Since 6 – 8 year old I attended these activities – 2 years of  Judo, 2 years of tennis, 2 years of football, 2 years of basketball, 2 years of riding BMX, and the latest one was boxing which I currently stick to. Same thing was at my high school senior year when I was picking what degree should I study, they were supportive of every one and didn’t give me some real good advice now when I think of it.

    They were very very good to me in short term, that’s what makes them feel that they raised me well, but long term – I have no clear goal and direction right now.

    #308831

    anita
    Participant

    Dear October:

    Another question (I don’t know enough about you yet to offer advice, so I am asking for more information):

    “I  knew I was here for something bigger (might be the core issue?)”- you knew you were here for something bigger than the life your parents lived, wanting to own your own business unlike your parents who worked for someone else.. wanting to not work as hard as them..?

    Tell me more about what you mean by “something bigger”.

    anita

    #308881

    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi October,

    The word that springs to mind from reading your post is “Consolidate”.

    Despite what anyone else wants to tell you, there is rarely an easy way to make it rich.  Your businesses have failed for very good reasons.  Lack of preparation, lack of knowledge, lack of dedication, lack of integrity, lack of networking, lack of advertising and so on.  Note the first three and ask yourself if you are not still carrying your attitude to your schoolwork where you could make the grade without putting the effort in.  If you want to succeed in business, then you will have to change your attitude.

    You have now had several failed businesses and you are setting up a pattern for yourself which says I’ve failed before and therefore I will fail again.  You are now dealing with feelings of anxiety and loneliness.  Your father has physically departed and your mother is “off her head” with alcohol.  If your mother cannot live without drink then she might be classed as an alcoholic.  Alcoholics have jobs!  Encourage her to spend some money on counselling instead of alcohol.  This is too much for you to contend with on your own.

    Your living arrangements are basically comfortable but there are bad vibes which are making you want to escape your cozy living.  Does this escape route have to be as drastic as a new country?  Could you not find accommodation closer to home even if it means being employed in the short term?  At least you would have the support of your friends.  Dreams take a long time to come to fruition.  No-one else can tell you what would be the right decision for you?  Follow your heart – if it feels good, do it!

    Peggy

    #308889

    October
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    Yes, something bigger I mean not working 9-5 in a boring job that I don’t even feel passionate about. (I wouldn’t mind working 9-5 in a job where I love what I do, at least temporary).

    Dear Peggy:

    “Note the first three and ask yourself if you are not still carrying your attitude to your schoolwork where you could make the grade without putting the effort in.” – Wow, that’s totally true, these old habits still kick in often, really thanks! Biggest “lack” from the list you mentioned would be networking, even though I’m very extroverted and social person, and I already feel that this skill is fading since I sit in front of PC all day long working. I also live in a small town with no real opportunities to network with other people with similar interests.

    I tried telling her that, but she is saying that she’s not alcoholic, but she is drinking wine every single evening and talking bullshit.

    As mentioned above I live in a small town, with no opportunities for things that I’m interested in. I am freelancer and I work only online, so I can work from anywhere, but that’s also one thing that really makes me anxious – sitting in front of PC for hours, and in my country the entry level jobs have really low salaries (500 euros per month~), that’s why I’d like to move to a country with higher salaries so I could set aside some money for investing in to my businesses and English is the only language I speak fluent and US have really low regulations when it comes to supplements and it’s super easy to start that kind of business there, that’s why I chose US (I also been to US already once and I really liked it)

    Thank you very much for this reply… It was really nice! Thanks!

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  October.
    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  October.
    #308957

    anita
    Participant

    Dear October:

    “I don’t get what I’m doing wrong. But there’s certainly something that I am doing wrong”. Let’s see what this might be that you are doing wrong:

    1. “had many small businesses some of them were not very legal”- here is something wrong: starting illegal businesses, illegal and unethical- these hurt other people but they hurt you too. Starting an illegal kind of life can cause you  to end up in prison, a bad place to be.

    2. “I was popular in school, had a lot of girls, a lot of ‘good friends’.. I didn’t do any homework, but still managed to get good grades, I was just talented at listening during the lessons.. I didn’t want to go the traditional route like everyone”- you got the impression early on that you were superior to your peers/ other people. You figured other people have to work hard and go the traditional route, but you are superior to them, you have a superior intelligence and talent.

    “I knew I was here for something bigger”- bigger than other people, because you were under the impression that you were superior to them.

    Problem is “all of them (the businesses you started) failed, including those you started in the US and in Spain, and including the illegal  ones, or partly illegal.

    So you see, you are not that talented or superior. You managed to sail through high school without studying much, but that didn’t translate to sailing through life without hard work or the traditional route.

    -I suggest that you humble yourself and make a plan to make a good life for yourself, living independently, making good money legally and ethically, start small and build on it. If an entry level job that you mentioned, which pays very little, can teach you skills and give you work experience, it will be worth taking one of those.

    Make a step by step plan. If you can’t see the whole thing now, in your mind, plan a few steps only, but keep in mind that hard work is required, as well as patience, and humility. You are special, I have no doubt, but you are not that superior, that is a genius or one with an extraordinary talent that will make it possible for you to succeed quickly and without much effort.

    anita

     

     

    #308983

    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi October,

    As you’ve found out, sitting in front of a PC all day is not fun.  Does your town or district have any support for commercial enterprise.  Sometimes just networking with other businesses, going to functions and so on is a good way to get general business advice.  It’s OK to want to make your own way and not follow the traditional route but you do need to understand how to run a business successfully.  Are there any courses available to help you with this?

    If you are confident that you can set up a business in the US quite easily and you feel you would be happy there, then you could explore this option with a fall back option like you previously mentioned, living arrangements with work attached.  You would need to ensure that you would be given enough free time for your own ambitions, though.

    I hope you find the opportunity you are looking for.  Good Luck for the future.

    Peggy

    #309565

    October
    Participant

    Thank you so much for this Peggy and anita, really appreciate it!

    #309567

    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, October.

    anita

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