@Euipoi said:
*EDIT I think right now, you should really focus on things that make you happy. Enlighten yourself, don’t expect others to bring you happiness. Be the source of your own happiness.

(I wish i could write more but i have to leave!)

Thank you so much for the encouragement. I’m glad you’ve found your happiness. I know, to be honest I know deep inside that I’m the only one that can drag myself out of this darkness. But I’m seriously all OVER the place.

I told him, I never knew he felt that way. Like… if he said something about it I would have done anything. I’m not saying this because I’m in a post breakup phase. Everyone knows I gave him my all. There is nothing I won’t do for him. I thought I did my best but all I did was to make him feel that way. He said a lot of hurtful things to me for the past month since the break up. I don’t know whether I’m just stupid but right after I texted him all those things. I blocked him. I just couldn’t handle what he’d say to me. I know he’s going to say something that hurts me. Because I’ve been trying for the past few weeks. I’ve asked him to rethink, I’ve asked him if theres something I can do… I think he really just wants to get away from me.

@syfy said:
Hi there,

I am sorry that you are going through such hard times. It is painful but everything is going to be ok, I promise you that 🙂

First, breathe.

Second, stop analysing. You are painting your relationship a perfect picture because you just lost it. You are having withdrawal symptoms. Like an addict craving for his next dose. I kid you not. It has been verified by science.

Third, the chances of him still loving you a lot are high judging from his replies He is also in a lot of pain.

Fourth, if you want him to come back, no guarantee … but you have to sort yourself out first (for him and more importantly for yourself. I understand you have a lot going in your life but so does everyone. No one including your family, friends and him has an obligation to let you vent your frustrations on (I am not saying you do but the chances of you involuntarily doing that are high. I did that to my ex and I have friends and family doing that to me now). If you are a wreck, who wants to be around you? Everyone likes to be around genuinely happy people. Being happy seems unattainable in your current state now but it is ok. You have to let your emotions flow and don’t deny them but you have to learn how to express them in a constructive way. This takes time but it is ok 🙂

Fifth, exercise. Go out for runs or walks. Go outdoor and get some fresh air. Coping in your room doesn’t help at all. Listen to happy music. Just google them.

Hope this helps you a bit. I promise you, everything is going to be ok as long as you breathe 🙂

Hong

Oh my god. You’re right. I actually took a deep breath. And I feel a little calmer.

2. I don’t know if it’s really a withdrawal symptoms. I was like euipoi. I thought the relationship was perfect all along. I didn’t see this coming.

3. After his text yesterday, to be honest I feel like he hates me. I did talked to one of our mutual friend who has always been close to both of us. That friend is pretty impartial and he did told me few months ago that my BF was ignoring me and saying mean things to me so that I would break up with him. I obviously didn’t believe it. I thought he was impartial. Why did he say that? And I talked him today because I felt so horrible. I showed him the text my bf (or now ex) sent and he literally just said ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with him. It’s like he’s nuts. You’ve been doing so much and he hasn’t been lifting his fingers at all. Now he’s saying as if he’s the only one that suffered in the relationship’.

But no, I believe he’s not an asshole. I know he’s not a jerk that people say. He’s a proper sweetheart that everyone likes. But I don’t know what went wrong. To be honest, I didn’t mind being the only that’s trying to solve the problem within us. I really don’t mind being the one that always plans because when I see him smile I feel like it’s all worth it. Afterall who says a girl has to always wait for a guy to do something isn’t it? What if the guy is just… passive like him? All I needed to know what he was CRAZY about me for 3 whole years until we started dating. I know he loves me. That’s all I need to know. But now… I don’t know. I don’t know if he loves me anymore. You said that he does but… I don’t know. I’m really scared. If he’s hurting like you said, it hurts me as well. I want to be there to heal his pain. But he doesn’t want me to be there.

4. I think I’ve been bottling up my feelings. I haven’t vented my frustrations on anyone. If I did, I probably didn’t realise it. I live alone. My family is 5000 miles away. My mom is angry at me (that’s how she is when she cares) whenever she hear me crying on the phone. My dad scolded me (that’s how he is when he cares) whenever I called him and started crying without even managing to say a word. I miss them so much, and I really want to hear their voice. But I can’t say a word.

The friends I have here, are people I don’t really know. So I didn’t even tell them at all that I broke up. I smile and laugh, and felt tired. Then I’ll make some excuses to go home to break down. But I know, I’m a wreck. I’m everywhere. I fall apart everyday. I try to get myself together every morning just to fall apart in the afternoon. I’m so tired I just want to lie in bed whole day. (I know how pathetic that sounds). But I didn’t. I managed to do my daily activities just fine.

5. I’ve jogged a few days ago. It really tires me out to the point I can’t think. I’ll be doing that often but the rain is not permitting me to do so now. None the less, thank you for the suggestions. I will… run it all out.

And yes, I’ll breathe.

I wondered what made a person threw a way all they had for years. But… I think secretly I know the answer. He doesn’t want it as bad as I do. He doesn’t love me as much to want it anymore. I just can’t accept it. I just… hope that this is all a nightmare.

Thank you. So much.