Hello, I understand how you feel. I’m going through the same at this time. I applied the 60 day no contact and decided to work on some of my issues when it comes to relationships. I’m 62 when it comes to dating I feel like I’m 16. Most of our contact went to e-mailing, red flag. Can’t believe I actually put up with that. Deep inside we want to feel loved. Be patient with yourself, just do little things to help you move on. If you like walking, play some music, nothing that reminds you of him. Feel your feelings, and they eventually start hurting less. Ask yourself what lesson you learned, that will help you to have a better relationship the next time. Don’t settle for less, you deserve better.

Hi Jan,

It’s a tough cookie. Having been on the recieving end of a break up more than a few times, I understand that feeling of wondering whether if there is something you can do to make it right. Maybe a text, an email, a letter, a phone call, an apology….basically anything to let the other person knows how much you missed them. The sad truth is that there is nothing you can do to make someone love you and as the saying goes, if they are meant to be in your life, let them go and they will come back to you anyway. The more you give in to your urges to make contact, the crappier you will feel about yourself when they don’t respond until you realise your happiness is entirely dependant on how they interract with you. Looking at it from the other side of the fence, if you decide to break up with someone but they continue to contact you regularly and try to win you back by buying you little gifts, will that make you want them more or less?

When I had my break up earlier this year, I thought to myself that wow, so this is rock bottom. The decision I had to make at the time was should I try to win her back or should I use this opportunity to make some long overdue changes? I decided on the later because even if by some mircale that I won her back, we are still the same people and as Einstein once said, the definition of insanity is trying the same thing but expect different outcomes. So I stopped drinking for 3 months, started meditation and yoga, changed jobs, went overseas for 3 months and moved somewhere else when I returned. In the begining, I thought that perhaps if I improved myself, maybe she will come back and that kept me going for a while. However, while I was travelling in South America, I realised that I can be happy on my own and instead of focusing on the other person, working on myself is for myself is far more important. Afterall, the only person that I can be certain of spending the rest of my life with is me and if I don’t take care of myself, why should anyone?

Once I’ve returned, I ran into the ex and she asked if I wanted to hang out again as we have a lot in common. We gave the whole thing another try but found that we are no longer compatible because I will no longer put up with certain things. That’s ok though becasue the improvements I’ve made are still there but I would probably feel a lot worst if I’ve spent the year trying to win her affection.

This thread was obviously a year ago, I’m curious at to whether or not anyone has been successful in this?

I just thought I’d chime in. I did try this and it did work for me. We had only dated for a few months and he dumped me abruptly claiming his ex girlfriend came back and he though he should give it another try. (Read on, that was a lie) So, I just wished him well and didn’t contact him again for a month. I did so via txt and he replied instantly. From time to time he would txt me and I would respond casually. Sometimes I wouldn’t respond if the txt wasn’t a question. Well, we only txted a couple times in the next year and meanwhile he wasn’t back with his ex…he had met another girl while we were dating and started dating her and 6 months later they got engaged and moved in together. So it was all over, right? Nope, a year after we broke up he got in touch with me again, said he’d made a huge mistake and we started dating. Whirlwind romance, he was madly in love with me this time and talked about getting married and wanted me to move in with him. He saw me every weekend and never let me sit home while he went out with friends. Not once. So, great story, huh? Well, not exactly…this serial dater was just that. He wants to marry every girl he meets. He is the type of guy who can’t be alone…then after a while he gets bored and breaks up…in a fairly dramatic way…blaming them for the break up. When he talked about his exes, all were dramatic break ups…all not his fault…all were super serious relationships and all one right after the other with barely a long weekend in between…. Well, you guessed it, we got in a fight, he made a dramatic scene, said he hated me, said some pretty horrible stuff, ruined a lot of my clothes by throwing them outside in the rain and that’s it…we broke up. Another dramatic break up for him to share with his next ‘love of his life’ SO…I instituted the no contact rule again. Blocked him from my phone and facebook…Not to get him back, but to get him out of my life. So, I guess this NC thing works…but I’d say be careful what you wish for.

I never herd of that 30 rule? its been a little over 30 for me! and I have the same feelings! Can’t sleep, eat, work, all I do is think about her want to call her, text her, email her! But, exactly what your going through, I don’t want go through! Her not responding! and the makes me feel desperate! There is nothing worse than a broken heart! maybe you should back off from him? if he’s see your calling and texting, emailing. He might think, she’s not going anywhere! that you will always be there! give it a try? what do you have to lose? all your contacting him is not working! Good Luck!