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A Difficult Last Semester To The Year

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  • December 15, 2019 at 2:10 am #327641
    Ana Machado
    Participant

    Hi dear tiny buddha readers,

    It is the second time I am writing to this forum, and unfortunately  the second time I find myself with such distress that I need to call out to you for support and guidance…

    This last semester of the year has rooted me out of my element to say the least. I have, since March, been in a very toxic relationship with a man who, albeit his honest feelings for me, has some serious mental conditions which lead him to developing phobic responses towards our relationship and every now and then, breaking up.

    In September my father reached out to me saying the doctors warned him he was a ticking time bomb, since he has been an alcoholic for most of his adult life, and some of his organs are beginning to fail, which would require me to take up his freelance work as a wine producer. I, a PhD student, would have to readjust to a new life in a different city with a new job, for the sake of maintaining the business running and his income.

    A month after, my grandfather (who raised me while my father was out there drinking his wines), passed away suddenly without even being sick, bringing a state of shock into my life I never thought possible. I had to immediately assume some of his obligations towards his olive oil business and my family.

    Needless to say my ‘boyfriend’ felt crippling anxiety with both situations and broke up with me both times. Needless to say also, after my grandfather’s death, we never got back together because that’s not the kind of person I need in my life, even if before I was indeed trying to help him through the disease, it was taking a toll on me because he wasn’t supporting me back.

    It’s been difficult times which have taken away with them my ability to work, my joy and even hope (never thought we could lose hope but alas…). It’s the middle of December, my life is now calmer after such an eventful end to the year. I have slowly got back to my work and life, but I feel I need a break. Everytime I try to bounce back, I have to be there for someone else you know? And these are not the type of circumstances one can back down from that easily… But, I need to be selfish you know? Even if for a 15 days to a 1 month break just to get back to myself again…

    I wanted your honest opinion on this matter… Because I also know myself and I like to run away from things and myself sometimes… I really need a friendly advise on this one… I have thought about spending a month in Paris, or in London, somewhere where I can meet people and work from a variety of places in the city, but also where I can still feel like I am 28 freakin’ years old.

     

    Thank you so much for reading me, and for being here for me, wherever and whoever you are <3 bless you all!

    December 15, 2019 at 11:39 am #327681
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ana Machado:

    Welcome back. If I understand correctly, you are currently employed, and you are in school working toward a PhD, but you will have to change your plans, relocate, and take up your father’s freelance work as a wine producer, and your grandfather’s olive oil business.

    That reads like a whole lot for you to do. I wonder if there are other younger members in your family who can take on some of these things left for you to do, and if this or that business can be sold for profit, if you prefer to not engage in it. I also wonder about your PhD studies and what you intended to use it for, if these plans will be postponed or put away.

    In either case, I think that a 15 day to a month vacation in London or Paris, or elsewhere, a place and time where you can feel like you are a “28 freakin’ years old” is an excellent idea!

    anita

     

    December 15, 2019 at 1:47 pm #327693
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Ana,

    I hate to say it, but it all comes down to money. OK, your father’s organs are failing. But he could theoretically live another thirty years. Probably not, BUT! Will he need a nurse? A rehab center? Does he have solid health insurance? Did he set up a reverse mortgage? Did he/you inherit any money from your grandfather?

    My point? If you don’t have, say, a million in your PERSONAL bank account, then you should give the wine business and olive oil business a go. What a gift, yet burden! But if you have, say, more than a million, then be twenty-eight!! Some people have to deal with middle aged problems early, I’m afraid. The reason I’m saying this is you will probably live another sixty to seventy years. How far will the money go? If you don’t want to run two businesses, then go out there and get some PASSIVE income.

    That said, do take three weeks off. Say you’re doing some dental surgery abroad to save money. Whatever! You already paid for the plane tickets and are grieving your grandfather. Whatever you say! Give them a number with one or two numbers mixed up. “Oops!” Go!

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
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