Home→Forums→Tough Times→A disgusting joke about my boobs that my FRIEND laughed at???
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Mark.
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February 21, 2019 at 2:21 am #281131
SophParticipantI had just gone to the gym and went to get food in a mall I saw a close friend and said hi to them a few friends that aren’t as close came up to us and said hi one had helped me before when a guy grabbed my ass awhile ago
keep in mind I was wearing a normal shirt and bra no push up no cleavage so I left to go to a clothing store in the changing room I get a call from that close friend I was with saying the guys that said Hi to us had said “tits out for the boys” about me. Now I was disgusted because I’ve constantly been hit on by close friends because of things like my boobs. I was sick of it so I started bawling in that fitting room.
I cried and was angry because it feeels like all my friendships with guys are based on them wanting to have sex with me. This is a horrible feeling of a sex object and degrading. I cried and cried then texted a friend she told me to text the friend that had helped me with sexual assault but start casual conversation so he asked if I could hang out and I said quote “tits out for the boys” fuck off” then he told me it was only one of them and that it was just a joke and to calm down with laughing emojis
it was so horrifying that someone could deem so detrimental as a “joke” I told him it wasn’t funny and he told me I shouldn’t be mad at him because it wasn’t him. I told him I had the right to be mad because he just let it happen…laughed even. I had never felt so low and worthless I went to a store and bought a hoodie to cover up and sat in the food court and cried.
More happened that I can follow up on if you guys want me to but I just want to know what you guys think I should’ve done and if you think I overreacted???
Please help 🙁
February 21, 2019 at 3:33 pm #281275
MarkParticipantSerife,
I am sorry about your harassment especially when it comes from “friends.” Unfortunately that you are feeling worthless based on the disrespect and misogamy of those around you. Saying such degrading things and hide behind “it’s just a joke” is cowardly.
You don’t say how old are you but that’s irrelevant for this happens in every culture at every age unfortunately.
#MeToo
Go find the resources that can assist you in this.
It’s all about standing up for yourself and setting boundaries. Easy to say. Hard to do. Good that you called out your “friend” on going along with the others and laughing. Good for you for declaring that you indeed have the perfect right to be mad.
Get the support around you (in person) and online (MeToo) so that you won’t tolerate such behavior from ANYone, much less your “friends.”
Mark
February 21, 2019 at 8:05 pm #281307SophParticipantThank u very much for your response it makes my feeling of betrayal and anger feel righteous. The reaction my friend gave made it seem as though I was exaggerating and that it really was not a big deal so I felt stupid for reacting confrontational.
i didn’t even realise I hadn’t included my age I’m 16. But thank you for giving me a sense of closure in the fact that I had not reacted badly
kind regards,,
a greatful teen.
February 22, 2019 at 7:16 pm #281449
JoeParticipantTo add my own two cents even though you might not like it too much, I think you did slightly over react. Though I can understand that over reaction if you’ve been sexually assaulted. Conditioning through bullying though out my life has caused me to over react to the some of the smallest things. I know this isn’t what you want to hear but in my experience if you take every slight like that seriously then it ends up making you more and more sensitive. I try my best to not take things so seriously now and it’s hard + doesn’t always work but i think in general for people that get hyper sensitive that it’s for the best. In general people like us have to get used to over reacting and feeling like idiots sometimes.
Also if you want some perspective on a guy’s side of friendship with the other sex. Sometimes it’s hard to not be attracted or to keep your attraction away from your decisions as a dude. I’ve had trouble being friends with girls for this same reason. It’s almost torture if you suddenly end up attracted but are scared about ruining the friendship as a guy. I still haven’t figured it out myself.
February 22, 2019 at 9:07 pm #281461
Hey Its JessParticipantDear Serife,
I can relate to you on so many levels, you don’t even know girl.
The thing is, just like Joe said its hard for guys to act ‘gentleman-ly’ especially around girls they feel attracted out. And when they are with their other teenage friends, they don’t wanna be the odd one out by not laughing at indecent jokes. (your friend who laughed)
Now I ain’t saying that you overreacted or need to “control” your emotions. It is OK when you rightfully felt hurt and dejected. I hate it when guys comment about me in that way too…it kinda breaks me. Next time, a thing like that happens I just want you to pause for a moment and breath in and out. Understand that it isn’t your fault and they are gonna say stuff no matter what we wear or do so its fine. We can’t control them. What we can control is our attitude towards the situation. As for your friend, distance yourself from him until you feel ok.
February 24, 2019 at 2:42 am #281503MarkParticipantJoe,
Coming from a dude, my take is you have no right or no real perspective on whether or not she “overreacted.”
Everyone’s feelings are valid especially if she was sexually assaulted.
Her male “friend” who did not stand up to her sexual harassment and assault is cowardly. Plus he did not empathize. He even laughed and showed blatant disregard of her trauma.
Her “overreaction” was very much appropriate.
Mark
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