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A Question On Surrendering And Letting Go

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  • October 16, 2019 at 8:36 am #318173
    Maxwell
    Participant

    Hi Buddhas,

    I’ve recently been listening to David Hawkin’s “Letting Go” on Audiobook. It’s been enlightening in many ways. I am having trouble grasping one concept though.

    I understand the process of observing a negative emotion/feeling, accepting it and letting it fade away without any more thought. To be aware of it, and not give it any more thought, seems to be part of the battle…

    …However…

    By doing this, if you are involved in a circumstance that’s causing you pain/negative emotion outside of your own control (for example, your partner has sex with someone else, which fills you with anger and jealousy, to which you release but shows signs that they may do it again), should you not use that emotion as an indication that you need to change your circumstances, rather than surrendering it and allowing the situation to happen again?

    Perhaps my understanding needs realigning, could someone explain?

    Kind Regards,

    Max

    October 16, 2019 at 9:07 am #318205
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Max:

    Absolutely, you should “use that emotion as an indication that you need to change your circumstances, rather than surrendering to it and allowing the situation to happen again”.

    Only if there is absolutely nothing you can do to change a situation, then better accept it. Like the serenity prayer says: “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

    Does this make sense to you?

    anita

    October 16, 2019 at 1:47 pm #318255
    GL
    Participant

    The practice of letting go of negative thoughts is honed on the philosophy that only you can control your actions, no one is making you do anything. It is about choosing to respond to the actions of others, not reacting. So if you feel immense anger at your partner for their actions, then feel that anger. But do not use that anger as a stepping stone to reacting in the moment by lashing out. Rather, let your thoughts run wild in an area/room where it would not hurt anyone or you. Once you’ve cooled down as your emotions rose and fell like the tidal waves at sea, it is then that you can calmly assess the situation to decide what your next actions might be. If you were hurt, then communicate that hurt. The key is in your communications, not your reactions.

    ‘Letting go’ means to feel then move on, it is not letting others off the hook for their actions.

    October 17, 2019 at 12:44 am #318325
    Maxwell
    Participant

    That does make sense, now I must learn to apply it…

     

    Thank you both!

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by Maxwell.
    • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by Maxwell.
    October 17, 2019 at 11:29 am #318429
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Maxwell:

    You are welcome. I can attempt at trying to help you with applying it if you want. If you do, post again with some of the particulars of your situation.

    anita

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