Home→Forums→Tough Times→Academic pressures and other anxieties
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September 27, 2018 at 12:55 pm #227817LilaParticipant
I’m currently studying at university. Although I love the subject I’m doing, I just feel so stressed about everything that academically and socially relates to university. Honestly, it’s been 1 year and I’m still adjusting to university life. I’m a pretty confident person, but I live at home and being around people for too long drains my energy (this includes being around my own friends). I love the friends I’ve made, but there always seems to be a slight competition between certain members of the group. They all went to reputable high schools, whereas mine was very average so I’m not used to the push to be the best. As a result, there have been times when they’ve invited me out for a meal and I’ve declined just because I don’t often feel at ease around them (which I of course feel guilty about). I’ve also never been a perfectionist but I can tell I’m judging myself more and more each time I get a below perfect score.
Also, my anxiety is currently at an all-time high, which makes my daily mindfulness practices challenging. Last week I was followed home and harrassed. Since that incident, my anxiety levels have just gone through the roof. I’m still not 100% recovered from the incident and am still pretty paranoid, constantly looking over my shoulder etc. So I’m even anxious about the need for me to walk home through campus at night time some days. I know this is something that hasn’t happened yet, but when I think of the possible what-ifs, I can’t seem to calm myself down.
I have all these worries and I haven’t even gone back to university yet. I’m wondering if it truly is possible to balance my mindfulness practices with academic life? It doesn’t feel possible at the moment. I want to prioritise my mental health, but in the same way, I don’t want to fall behind when I’ve invested so much into this.
September 27, 2018 at 9:37 pm #227855NivParticipantHi Lila,
I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this. I relate to a lot of your experiences, both in the past as an undergraduate and also in grad school. The first thing I wanted to say is that what you go through is serious, but unfortunately it is common that people feel like we don’t measure up, or that we are not up to par with other people. Particularly these days there’s just so much pressure! From ourselves, from peers, from society in general.
First about the incident: I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s not your fault! Did you report it to the police? Can your parents help in some way?
It might sound trite, but one of the things that definitely has helped me (and some of my peers) is to avoid comparison. We all want to be best at something, we want to stand out and particularly when we are younger, we try to derive our self-importance from our social position. It is common. But hey, the fact that they went to better schools doesn’t mean they are better, they just had an opportunity that you didn’t have. If they weren’t lucky enough to have had that opportunity, they might not have reached what they reached!
I would just advise for you to do things that make you proud of yourself. Not your friends, not your family, definitely not society. We all have limitations (anxiety can be incapacitating! and it’s real!) and we are also not given the same opportunities, so trying to fit someone else’s shoes doesn’t help, you just need to accept yourself and be the best student you that you can be! Sometimes it might mean to not be the top of your class or have the highest grades, but if there’s something else that sounds fake and cliché but it isn’t, is that grades are not everything. Pursue internships, or other work opportunities, they matter MUCH MORE than perfect scores. (IME: people who had all 100’s usually weren’t street smart and had more issues to find jobs, employers want people that can do the job, not take perfect tests)
September 28, 2018 at 1:07 am #227867LilaParticipantHi Niv, thank you for your response.
My mother wants me to go to self-defence classes after what happened. I appear to be panicked whenever a situation like this occurs. I guess my mind stops thinking logically and a fear just takes over! Sometimes, (not with the incident that happened last week) when a person tries to talk to me or follow me somewhere, I will entertain it out of panic and discomfort. It’s hard for me to ignore people or tell them to leave me alone because I fear for the worst- that I will get physically or verbally attacked. But I did report it to the police shortly afterwards.
Thanks for such clear advice! I completely agree with you. I’m starting an internship in my desired field this winter. I definitely want to become a more well-rounded person as opposed to getting perfect scores all the time. I just don’t know the distinction between working hard and overworking. I still want to practice yoga and meditate each day- but I only seem to have a regular practice during the vacation period such as in summer and winter. When I’m bombarded with deadlines it seems as though I just shut down and worry about everything academia wise. I’m not sure if I should try organising my life into manageable chunks, I don’t know how people do it.
September 28, 2018 at 4:12 am #227889AnonymousGuestDear Lila:
A self defense class is an excellent idea, you have to have a plan as you walk at night through campus, as you walk home, to defend yourself if needed. Be aware and awake as you walk alone, pay attention to what is in front of you, in the back of you, on your sides, listen and have a plan for what-to-do if this or that happens.
To withstand your stress, the “Academic pressures and other anxieties” beyond the above suggestion, minimize associating with anyone who distresses you, or drains your energy, as you mentioned. When distressed, do only what you need to do, one “manageable chunk” at a time.
anita
September 30, 2018 at 1:21 am #228181LilaParticipantDear Anita, thank you for replying!
Yes, I definitely need to be more aware of my surroundings. I grew up thinking I was pretty street-smart but I still have a way to go.
These are great suggestions. I really want to start breaking my tasks into smaller ones. I want to go at my own pace, and I think I need to mentally block out the classmates who pressurise me in order to do this. Peers are, of course, important but I really do find myself getting more stressed when my classmates over-emphasise about how important an exam or assignment is. It might be talked about exaggeratively to motivate each other to get the work done but it has the opposite effect on me.
Thanks again
Lila
September 30, 2018 at 7:53 am #228197AnonymousGuestDear Lila:
You are welcome. You need calm in your life, and that includes calm people, not overly excited people. There is just so much … positive excitement a person can take before it becomes negative. For some it gets negative immediately. So yes, choose who you associate with. I hope you post again any time you’d like.
anita
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