Dear anita,

yes, it was very nice! There is not much to see with the handstands, just feet looking out of the water and in my case it probably looked a bit wonky… But I had fun 😀

Today at work everything was o.K., I don’t think I did too badly. In the afternoon I read, but tomorrow I want to go back to working on my collage. Also, I have to clean our flat!

Until tomorrow!

Dear anita,

I am glad that I could make you smile 🙂

Today in the morning I went running and I also picked elder flowers. At home I then made syrup. In a few days it will be ready to drink.

For the most part I spent the day cleaning first my room, then the community rooms and also did the laundry. It took way too much time. Only in the evening I drew for  bit.

Tomorrow I will meet a friend to draw together. But I also want to reserve time to finally finish my collage!

Until then! Hava a nice weekend!

Dear anita,

next time I will probably clean on Friday after work, so I have more time on Saturday.

Today I drew in the morning and in the afternoon I finished my collage, then started a new one. In between I took a break to read. Still it feels like I haven’t accomplished enough today… Tomorrow I would like to continue with the collage. Maybe I will also go to buy art supplies after work.

Good that you felt comfortable without a mask at Trader’s Joe! And how nice would it be if the end of the pandemic was near!

Dear anita,

it was o.K. at work and I also worked a bit on my collage. but I also talked a bit longer to my roommate today.

It sounds great to be able to go again to the movie theater! I hope you will have an enjoyable time there! When thinking about it I almost get a sense of nostalgia for the old times… Spending an evening at the movies, popcorn, talking about the film afterwards.

Maybe soon I will also be able to do more things because today I was able to get an appointment for my first dose of biontech. My boss and my co-workers helped me, refreshing the page again and again and then we found a free spot! I will be the last from the company to get vaccinated, but I will only believe it when it’s done. Maybe they will send me home and not accept me, but they accepted all my co-workers.

It was so nice also how my co-workers helped out! I feel grateful!

Good night, anita!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Lily.

Dear anita,

yes, I will tell you. I am happy myself.

Today I worked on my collage and in the morning I went for a run. Tomorrow I will go to work an I want to continue the collage afer work.

Dear anita,

it was a busy day at work, but overall o.K. Now I am feeling tired.

Maybe I saw my ex today when I stepped out of the train, but not sure…

Yesterday I watched the newer Tomb Raider movie. In my teenage years I wanted to be like these type of tough women like Lara Croft. I tried to be edgy and felt like being shy and friendly was somewhat uncool, I tried to be something I was not. Or I do not know, do I have a bit of these strong women in me? It made me think of the search for my identity and how I looked for role models in pop culture… I guess I was searching for orientation and desperately wanted to be strong and confident (sadly Lara Croft was very sexualized as well, at least in the older games and movies). I do not know what I wanted to say, but this type of strong woman still appeals to me, even though I do not know if this is me.

Tomorrow I would like to finish my collage. Have a good day!

Dear anita,

is it also so hot today where you are? But it also loud when I have the windows opened, people are playing music and talking on the phone.

Thank you, I hope to become stronger while staying true to myself. In the past I thought being loud and extroverted meant to be strong. But you can also be strong when you are more of a quiet person. The book about introverts by Susan Cain really helped me to see that.

I am asking myself what kind of strong person I would like to be? I think I would like to be friendly and honest, at the same time I want to stand up for myself. Who I would like to be is a person who accepts herself completely, no longer being dependent on other people’s perception of me!

When it comes to role models like Lara Croft, I would like to incorporate some of the curiosity for life and her fighter spirit, but I don’t want the violence that is shown in the games. One thing that appealed to me is also the sense of adventure: I would like to explore my environment, go kayaking, spend time in nature, learn more about the world.

At the moment I am still very much in my comfort zone. It feels like I have been in hibernation mode for so long, since my 20s… It is time to step out of the comfort zone, but it is hard to make he first step. Especially when it comes to meeting new people. In my last therapy sessions I also talked to my therapist about this sort of things. She made some suggestions: I could volunteer work and ask to work less at my job, I could put out an advert for people interested in artist meetups…

But these things feel very scary and I am still thinking about it. Maybe I should try one little thing, but something in me says: no, no it’s too much, you will embarrass yourself… Here is where I am not so strong yet. Maybe I should journal about it to come to a decision.

At least I feel like I am getting a  bit better wih doing the the things I planned for myself. For example, I started to go running without a running mate and I am working on my projects. Even though it is still going slowly, I am finishing things step by step. Today I finished my collage, for example.

In other news, today I got my first vaccine shot! Everything went well, though I was doubtful for some minutes, when the person at the reception went away with my papers from my workplace. But everything was fine and I got the vaccine. And I am feeling fine, except for my arm slightly hurting. So this is also good news!

Good night, anita.

Dear anita,

there are still a few weeks left until your celebration, until the end of July. But it is not too far and I hope you will have a good time then at the movies!

As for he weather, here it was hotter than at your place, over 30°C, yesterday even 35°C if the news were correct. But in my room it is 28°C and it has started to rain now.

Yes, l wish I would have learned sooner that there is strength in being quiet. But at least now I am becoming more of who I am. For now the results are more internal, but I feel more capable now to bring them into the physical world.

But yes, taking baby steps is the right way to go, like the underwater handstands 🙂 And I also started to go running. I should try to incorporate mini adventures into my life. Soon I will go to meet my mother, brother and aunt who will stay at the sea for one week and after that I will go to my parents home. Maybe I could for example try to spend a night sleeping outside at the garden or so. It is a bit scary, but not very dangerous really.

When it comes to the artist meetups (and meetinng new people in geneal) it will require a very big step outside my comfort zone… In reality I don’t have much to lose and does it really matter if I embarrass myself? Maybe a few people that don’t know me will find me weird or judge me if it goes wrong. But then I would never see them again and nothing would have changed… But maybe I could find a friend, or learn something new. I still have to build myself up to do it – for now I am postponing it after the visit at my parents place, if I am honest. Maybe I should just do it, but I am feeling lots of inner resistance.

Today at work it was a busy day and I was alone for most of the time. But I think I managed it well enough and I don’t feel like I made any grave mistakes. I tried my best to help the clients, even though sometimes with people coming in, the phone ringing and administrative work at the same time, it was stressful. But I handled it well and I feel satisfied with myself.

Tomorrow I want to start another collage and maybe go outside for a bit.

Have a good day!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Lily.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Lily.