Dear anita,

it was actually snowing again today, but only a little. Anyways, spring is not far away! Did you see nettles? The ones I saw were very small (at least I thought they were nettles).

Today I was feeling a little better, better at concentrating. In the morning I did some yoga, later I painted.

Then we wanted to play board games with my roommates but ended up just talking in the kitchen. Or maybe I was not talking too much, except for commenting a little from time to time, but I guess it was o.K. Everything was fine. Except that the exercise ball of my one roommate broke because in the morning a jar fell down when I was looking for something in the refrigerator. Then I must have missed a sherd when cleaning up. I am always so clumsy!

Well, but other than that, it was fun to talk in the kitchen.

Tomorrow I will continue with my routine, but for today I feel quite tired and will go to sleep now. See you tomorrow!

Dear anita,

don’t worry about the nettles. Maybe they just have not grown yet! It’s still very early. Hopefully, you got to enjoy your walks!

As for me, I was not that productive again. The most I accomplished today was cooking a potato soup… I also worked a bit on project A, but it was not that significant. I hope that I can soon work more days at the office again, as this gives me more of a structure and an anchor.

Tomorrow I want to clean my room to get out of the rut and still work on uni projects, at least try.

Thank you for reading!

Dear anita,

your walk sounds nice and calming! And how cool that you have detected a nettle! Spring is coming quickly! Here it was windy and rainy today. But from time to time the sun came out.

What are your structure and anchor? Are you also still searching for it?

For me, I know pretty well what I need, but it is hard to put into practice. It works for a few days, but then I start slipping again… I am self-sabotaging!

Today was again not very productive. At least I read and cleaned up. Also, my thoughts became more positive as the day progressed. The good thing is that tomorrow is my workday and that will make for a more productive day… But I really have to get more done on the weekend. At work, I can concentrate so well, but for some reason, it’s hard when I am at home working on my own stuff.

But my head feels better at the moment, with less self-hating thoughts compared to last night/this morning. So I am hopeful that I will get back on track.

Dear anita,

sorry, I read “one” instead of “none”. I have to read with more focus!

Daily routines are helpful, but I am still working on mine. You are right that there is always more to see and learn: Recently I am seeing it clearer. I guess it makes life also more interesting. There is always more to discover. I want to discover more, instead of numbing myself.

Yesterday at night I started to feel better, more hopeful. Still anxious, but not seeing myself and the future completely dark… I am not so happy about how unproductive I was this week. But at least I am feeling more awake now. Maybe it helped to just read yesterday and take a break. I think it also helped that I was eating better yesterday, not overeating.

Today I feel my day went quite well. At work, everything went o.K. I think I didn’t make too many mistakes. After work I cooked a typical German dish, but I was not sure if I liked it. But after cooling off, it tasted much better. Later I called my grandmother and my mother. Then I did almost 40 min of yoga. Now I will read for a bit.

Tomorrow I want to work on project A. I would like to finish it this weekend! Even if it doesn’t turn out perfectly.

But soon I will also go to sleep, I am already feeling tired. See you, anita!

Dear anita,

today I have finished project A! I only have to print it now, cut it and sew it together. Maybe next week I can send it to the copyshop, or figure out how / where to print it.

Of course, it’s not perfect. Part of me wants to add this or that, but I told myself that it is done now. Time to move on to project C. I can start working on it tomorrow.

Other than that, I should also clean up and exercise for a bit. And I should stick to the times, that I set for myself.

As for the recipe, I cooked “Quarkkeulchen”. It is made with potatoes, “quark” (it is a bit like cream cheese or sour cream) a bit of flour, sugar and some spices.  It is fried into small cakes. I ate it with apple sauce and powdered sugar, some eat it also with vanilla sauce. Sometimes in my family, we had such sweet dishes for lunch which I am usually not so much of a fan of. But from time to time it’s nice.

At the moment I am trying out more german recipes, like potato soup, Quarkkeulchen and I also want to try more like onion cake or “Königsberger Klopse” (meatballs in a white sauce). Usually, I am not such a big fan of german cooking, but I lent out a book from the library… I really enjoy cooking and trying out new recipes.

Hope you are having a good day!

Dear anita,

thanks for the congrats! I am glad I finally (almost – because of the printing) finished this project!! It took me so long. But slowly, I am getting it done!

You can also prepare the Quarkkeulchen without raisins, in fact, I didn’t use any. But I don’t know if I would use cottage cheese, instead of quark. Cottage cheese looks quite lumpy, while quark is smooth. If I didn’t have quark, maybe I would try a mixture of sour cream and cream cheese. But oh well, maybe cottage cheese will also do! As for the Königsberger Klopse, I haven’t eaten them in a while. I seldomly cook meat dishes, but I would like to try cooking them one day! And you are right that they are tasty!

Today I am feeling pretty good. Much better than last week! I went for an early morning walk and spotted more nettles. They are only 1-5 cm long, but they are there. There were also other herbs, I even saw small wood garlic leaves. Soon I will be able to pick some. I am so happy that spring is coming. This winter was cold and sad. But now the days are getting longer again, the birds are singing and plants are starting to awaken again!

After I came home I looked at project C and what has to be done there. Then while my lunch was cooking, I started to clean up for a bit and finished after eating. In the afternoon I worked on project C and started a new illustration. Hopefully, I can finish it quickly. I am getting a bit tired of my old projects and would rather start something new. There is a lot that I am not satisfied with. I am even embarrassed by some things… But I have to finish them now, as they are. And then I will feel relieved and free to start something new.

Tomorrow I have to work more on project C. If I am really good, I can finish it tomorrow. But I will see. Overall, I want to stick to my routines. Then I also have to clean some more and exercise.

I wish you a good rest of your Sunday!

Dear anita,

my day was o.K. In the morning I did yoga, then cleaned up, went to buy groceries, did the laundry. In the afternoon I worked on project C. I did not finish the illustration yet. If I concentrated better, I could get more done. At work, I can focus so well, but at home, it is harder.

In the evening, I talked to my sister on the phone. It is good to have someone I can talk to quite openly. But I am still missing more contacts. A few years ago, I felt overwhelmed. There was particularly one friend, that stressed me and I isolated myself more. But I guess it would be good for me, to have more contacts. My life feels quite empty sometimes. Well, at least I am calmer now, better than a few years ago. And I know what I did wrong and what I can improve: I need to find a balance between not being able to say no to people and cutting off contact and isolating myself…

Oh well, I guess I am just in a bad mood right now, somewhat grumpy, haha… Sorry! I am working on it!

Tomorrow I will finish the illustration and make sketches for the next. I should also clean up for 10 minutes and do some form of exercise. Maybe I should exercise more, maybe that would make me feel calm and happy.

Hope your Monday was a good one! Until tomorrow!