June 10, 2014 at 11:40 am #58503CEPParticipant
I had a little too much to drink on Thursday, my boyfriend and I got into a fight over something stupid. We got home and I said some very hurtful and mean things to him…I have never acted this way before. We were suppose to go out of town the next day, and we still did but it was miserable. We bickered the entire time and the ride home he said he didn’t know if he wanted to do this, he lost respect for me, and he only went out of town with me because of pity. He said he didn’t see a future with us. He also made a comment, “what if I just told you I wanted to work it out?” As we got closer to home I suggested we grab something to eat and he said it would be a good idea. We talked, told each other what we needed to work on, and I went home. Since then he has been acting very distant and talking to me as a friend. I am afraid that he really did not want to work it out or maybe he just needs some time to get over the fight. We have never fought like this before 🙁 I don’t want to bring up how I am feeling to him because I don’t want to bug.June 10, 2014 at 12:58 pm #58515HelenParticipant
Well, dear Corinne
Alcohol can bring out our worst side. And we lose all inhibitions. If you feel like it, apologize to him in a few days – sincerely, and not blaming the alcohol for it but telling him – as he probably knows – that the few too many drinks sure didn’t help and you will do anything to never let this happen again.
If he’s being cold and distant for a few days – let him be. But if he won’t let go and forgive you for this, then it might be a sign that things could go wrong. You can’t move on from fights without forgiveness.
Hope you feel better soon!
Lots of love
HelenJune 10, 2014 at 1:10 pm #58516Susan CParticipant
Having been in your partners shoes, on the receiving end of spiteful things said by my partner (ex) I can try and give you some insight to how it feels. Despite knowing that things said in anger are often not thought out,especially if alcohol is involved, it is virtually impossible to wipe from your memory hurtful things said by the one you love and trust. Those words replay in your head and taint even good times. I don’t know if this was a one off for you and out of character. If so it has probably knocked your boyfriend for six and as well as hurt he is probably shell shocked. I know that on the first (or at least first couple) of times it happened to me I would have liked more than anything a big “gesture” from my partner. A really sincere apology and lots of affirmation to counteract the negative. He needs to know that you recognise the hurt you have caused him and that you will take responsibility for healing the wound. If it’s not a one off and saying hurtful things is your default mode in an argument then your boyfriend may be too weary of it and you need to look at yourself to figure out why you say things you don’t mean with the sole purpose of being hurtful. Learn how to argue not attack.
I hope you don’t feel I am being critical of you but you seem to be asking how to make this right with your boyfriend and I think to do that you need to put yourself in his shoes. He may need some space but he will be feeling hurt & confused. A letter of sincere apology explaining how upset you are with your behaviour and letting him know all the things you value about him might be a good start. Letters are non threatening not invasive and show the recipient you have made an effort.
Your boyfriend said he just wants to work it out, which resonates with me completely. He is reaching out to you & giving you the chance to put it right. Take it and heal the wound with sincerity honesty & love.
I wish you all the best
SueJune 10, 2014 at 2:27 pm #58530Susan CParticipant
Sorry Corrine. I have just realised you said in your post that you have never acted this way before making some of my advice very unhelpful. On a positive note as it was a one off you have every hope of resolving it. We have all made mistakes and done things we regret (especially under the influence of alcohol) It’s how we put them right that is most important.
Again wishing you the best.
SueJune 10, 2014 at 9:08 pm #58573McrizParticipant
I am mcriz u know what your guy is kinda good than my guy. You know what my problem is my live-in partner is really very bad. He won’t even allow me to wear lipstick even wear nice clothing. He gets mad whenever I wear thing which he doesn’t like. I am even a battered gf.
YOu know what corine with regards to your concern it would be better if you will confront your boyfriend of what he really felt for you so that you would know and you would completely give time for him to forget the fight you ever have. Just be cool okay? Don’t think negatively be optimistic girl you can do it.