Forum Replies Created
February 17, 2015 at 3:15 pm #72912
I felt so much empathy when reading your entry. I’ve just very recently posted about this problem myself.
In my heart, I know I want to be a singer. But I’m scared to get started. And I also have to earn money to support myself. Probably much like you, which is why you’re stuck in that 9-5 job.
Now, you have set small goals – baby steps, as they say – that’s what I’m doing now. Maybe see if you can work part-time, and when you’re off work, you can design, create, be, live. Try and pick up something like yoga, or taking walks to get movement into your life. Inform yourself about good, healthy foods and COOK them yourself. Cooking to me is like meditation and art in one. It’s a creation, a meal that can do my body good and fuel it.
Don’t try and do EVERYTHING all at once. Start with one thing. About the moving away: I know the feeling. But honestly, nowadays you can do anything from anywhere. Get your work out there! Make a tumblr page – get your creative juices flowing!
If you really feel like the place you live in limits you, start planning on where you could go. Remember though, it will take time and will be hard. New place, new job, new people. It can be exciting, but also scary. But if you want it – do it!
I have made it my goal to move to NYC soon, and slowly but surely I’m starting to plan it in my head. And if I fail – who cares. We will fail so many times in this life, but never trying is the worst failure of all – because we failed ourselves.
Sammy, I hope I was somewhat helpful. Keep going, don’t give up on your dreams, my dearest.
xxFebruary 4, 2015 at 5:13 am #72342
My lovely Lapedrezza
Reading your story, I could find similarities to some of my experiences.
Sometimes people touch us deeply, and even though they turn us into a sad and depressed person, instead of being confident and happy, we don’t want to let go of them. We think “If I just show him this side to my personality, this fun part of me, this lovely thing I do etc. he will eventually feel the same for me.” He wont. I am sorry to tell yout his, but he will never choose you.
From what you say, he has now cheated on two women with you. So both times, you were the other woman. But you deserve to be his one true love, no? You deserve to come first, right? If you let him use you like that, in his mind he knows that when he feels lonely or has sexual needs, he can always have you. If that’s what you want, go for it. But I hear a lot of pain in your words. You have to distance yourself from him, focus on yourself. He is harmful to your heart and soul and he – again – did not even choose you when you and him were free.
“We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Think about that statement. You deserve more.
I wish you all the best.
HelenFebruary 4, 2015 at 5:02 am #72340
I love your view on courage. To me, courage means to be myself, accept myself and tell people “Hey! This is me, these are my dreams.” with a strong but loving voice. Courage is telling a friend your truth, maybe that you’re worried about them, and not looking away.
But most of all, it’s what you said: just accepting the present moment as is.February 4, 2015 at 4:56 am #72339
Thank you guys so much for taking the time and answering me! I am giving myself a few weeks now, trying to settle into it. Maybe talking to my boss if I could work only the afternoons, since I am just so not a morning person (I work part-time anyways).
I also feel like the pressure from my peers and also family is huge! You’re so smart why don’t you want to go to university and get a degree and make a ton of money in a great job?! But that’s just not me, and I have to accept and live that.
Your stories are really inspiring! And it’s true, we should never let go of our dreams and also never settle for a life that makes us feel miserable.
All the best to you!February 2, 2015 at 2:24 am #72236
I would have to agree with trusttheflow. My brother is now 28. My parents have been divorced for many years, and we always lived with our mom and visited our dad. So when he was 16, my brother decided to go live with my father, which was bad. He then moved out at 18 to live with friends and completely spiraled out of control. He drank, smoked weed and was mostly absent from school. He’s incredibly smart and acutally a loveable person, but got kicked out of high school four weeks before the final exams. Since then, he has never finished or really started anything. At 21, he moved back in with my mom and I. I moved out two years later on a very small wage, because I couldn’t handle it anymore. All she did was enable him, being “understanding” and just feeding him through. Which she still does now.
I understand as a mother, it must be so hard to be rough. But your daughter is 20, she’s not a child anymore. Tell her to either party outside of the house or she has to find another place to stay. She has a job, if that doesn’t cut it, she has to find another one. Believe me, once she lives on her own, she will see how hard it is to party, drink and smoke and also provied for yourself, going to work every day. She will learn, she will mature and grow up. If she really falls off the wagon, you’re still there. You can help then. For now, you can help her by letting her spread her wings and owning up to her own decisions.
I hope this helped!February 2, 2015 at 2:14 am #72235
Wow, I don’t think I could ever move back in with my mother or father (they are divorced). It’s just too difficult. I am 24 and finally my own person, I could never live with her and feel like a child again. I think if you’re really in an existential crisis, then okay. But for me, it would only be an option if I was otherwise homeless. Until then, I would so not do that. Living with your parents as an adult is stressful for both: you are grown-up and don’t want their opinions or even rules about some things. They have you back and automatically fall back into a parent-child-dynamic, which leads to confrontation because you’re not a child anymore but you’ll always be THEIR child. You know what I mean?
Well dear, go look for your own place, because staying too long could strain your relationship in an unnecessary way. I’m sure they love you, so the only thing you can do is be your true self and be an adult by telling them: “Look, I like my life, I like that it’s not organized, that I’m not perfect. Please respect that.” If they don’t want to hear that, leave.
And that way you could still salvage that relationship.January 7, 2015 at 12:14 pm #70784
Your situation sounds tough, so I want to take a few minutes to tell you that you are amazing. I think it’s great that you want to finish grad school in order to provide your kids with a comfortable life. It’s a really responsible thing to do, as well as being important to do this for yourself.
What I didn’t understand from reading your story is why you’re no longer on speaking terms with your grandma? Does she blame you for her illness? That must be really painful. But my advice really is tough: eliminate people who are negative forces in your life. Turn to friends, your boyfriend… People who reinforce positivity into your life and lend a helping hand when needed.
I can’t imagine having kids and being in such a difficult situation. But on the other hand, you have purpose, you have something to hold on to, a reason why you get up every day. And they will be forever thankful, I’m sure.
You can do this! And please, get help for your depression. Make sure you take care of yourself, only then will you be able to take care of your kids.
HelenDecember 4, 2014 at 12:29 pm #68752
Hey Stefan! I totally know how you’re feeling. I’ve been through a lot this year. Before April this year, I’ve been to a therapist for almost two years and was prescribed anti depressants for anxiety and depression.
And then I felt better so I didn’t go anymore. Well, I lowered my medication, didn’t go off it though. And my anxiety and depression came back pretty badly. Then last week I went to see my therapist for the first time in months. And she said: well, then you’ll have to increase your medication again. And I did. And after just 10 days I already feel better.
You know, anti depressants are not a miracle thing. It takes hard work and years of therapy to get better. But the medication can change the chemistry in your brain to a point where you’re not suffering and agonizing because of your issues.
I would highly recommend you to see a doctor or therapist and get help. It’s ok not to be ok! We’re all human, we all have flaws. And depression and anxiety are illnesses. And there’s treatment for them – not the best yet – but there are treatments.
Good luck to you and all the best!
xxNovember 15, 2014 at 5:19 am #67856
Thank you all so very much for your replies! I will answer you guys more detailed soon.
Thanks again!August 19, 2014 at 2:25 pm #63658
It’s what I want, and it’s what he wants. I’ve just come out of a relationship and don’t want a new one, and neither does he. It was my idea, but he is really the one contacting me usually.July 21, 2014 at 12:23 pm #61421
You sound like a pretty chipper person, but that is hard to “analyze” from this one post. What I can read is that your fatigue comes from nowhere, or not from things you could pinpoint exactly. So maybe go see another doctor, check your Vitamin B12 and other things until it’s clear that your problems are not physical.
If there’s nothing to find, it is possible that it comes from a mild depression, or depressed phase. I myself have experienced this when I had depression. But it wasn’t just a few days, it was more and more and at some point all the time. So seeing a psychologist might be a good thing. Maybe there is a traumatic event or a stress situation in your life that you are not dealing with? That can cause such issues.
I wish you all the best!July 19, 2014 at 3:02 pm #61265
Hello dear tiny butterfly
I read your story and can somewhat rely to it. What I believe is, we need to be at peace with ourselves. Yes, it is true that other people may bring out the worst in us. But then, we can decide to either work on these things for ourselves or to let these people go out of our lives. The problem is, you cannot blame it all on others – or yourself. It’s the dynamics of certain people, two scarred and scared souls colliding and in that process hurting each other, that’s what makes us snap.
I would say, take time for yourself. Heal, cry, be angry. But let it go. As much pain and suffering that these relationships have caused you, you will also take valuable lessons from them. Now though, it is time to focus on who YOU want to be. That bubbly, happy girl is inside of you! Make her shine, make her come out again! Do things you love, meet people and family who make you feel wonderful or meet new people. And if you feel you can’t do it alone – that’s ok. That’s why we need to ask for help sometimes.
I wish you all the best. Love yourself, don’t rely on others to fill you with love.
H.June 10, 2014 at 12:58 pm #58515
Well, dear Corinne
Alcohol can bring out our worst side. And we lose all inhibitions. If you feel like it, apologize to him in a few days – sincerely, and not blaming the alcohol for it but telling him – as he probably knows – that the few too many drinks sure didn’t help and you will do anything to never let this happen again.
If he’s being cold and distant for a few days – let him be. But if he won’t let go and forgive you for this, then it might be a sign that things could go wrong. You can’t move on from fights without forgiveness.
Hope you feel better soon!
Lots of love
HelenMarch 26, 2014 at 3:40 pm #53604
From what I read you have an impulse problem and an anger problem. I am by no means a doctor, but my father is bipolar so I know the symptoms, and yours or your mothers don’t sound like it (to me).
The one thing I can advise you to do is to find another therapist. Really let someone in, don’t judge them or yourself or how quickly you make “progress”.
Judgement is an evil companion. Because I know from my own experience that you surely judge yourself as much, or even worse, as others.
I hope you will go find the help you want and don’t “diagnose” yourself because that can be dangerous.
Lots of love
HelenMarch 26, 2014 at 3:35 pm #53603
This situation is tricky, and I understand that you fear the loss of a friend. But I believe in 2 great outcomes for this situation: 1) you tell her how you’ve felt about her for the last years and you become a couple. 2) You tell her and she does not feel the same way – but you can stay friends. Yes, this will be painful, and yes, you will feel rejected if she doesn’t see you as a possible partner for an intimate relationship. But if you are truly great friends, with a little distance, you will be able to figure it out.
I would tell her, because life is so short and it is not often that we meet people who we truly connect with.
So I hope I could help.
All the best to you!