January 6, 2015 at 12:29 pm #70684OequanParticipant
I honestly don’t know where to begin. I am 30 year old grad student who recently moved home with my grandmother to assist me with my two boys. This passing summer, I went through a series of events including depression. Because I am a single parent, going to school and working part-time as a professor’s assistant, the plan was that she would help with the boys’ and I would save to buy a house this coming spring. I bought out of my rent in October under the guise that this situation would be one of support, its been everything but. Just to mention, I have nearly no relationship with any other family members, I find my mother, older sister and extended family to be very intrusive who criticize tirelessly about anything and everything I do. I shy away because 99.9% of the time it leads to violatile arguments and eventually my being depressed because my attempts at mothering, schooling, relationships and career aren’t fitting their standards. My relationship with my grandmother has always been the opposite, she’s been my safe haven and best friend since I was little.
So I had no reason not to trust that the decision I made was in nothing but the best interest for my children and I.
45 days into living with my grandmother, she fell ill which required her to be hospitalized and eventually have surgery. Everything spiraled right after. My sister who always treats and talks to me condescendingly phones me and blames me for over burdening my grandmother with caring for my children and warned me to quit my dream of finishing grad school and get a “real” job to find a nanny for my “brats”. Plus I should take the time off from school and work to provide after-care for my grandmother. My uncle phoned in from Seattle, instead of coming to see my grandmother while she was in ICU. Not that it was much of an issue considering we leave on the east coast, but he’s concern wasn’t for his own mother but to inquire if whether I was evicted from my apartment, serving as the reason I chose to move back in. I never cried more in my life then in that entire two weeks she was in the hospital, only to find out that it was my grandmother who I trusted, who is my touch-stone sitting around spreading gossip to people I have no relationship with. To make it all worse, during her recovery, she decided not to return to work. Which put me in the position of having to pick up things financially. Its been really hard having to manage my bills plus hers and her prescriptions, as people like my sister and mother refuse to help. I’m heartbroken and financially strapped, plus my grandmother and I aren’t on speaking terms. I know its hard not speaking to someone I live with and someone I was once close to, but its hard to trust her not knowing what she’ll make up next or if she’s already made up something about me to feed to others. I’m severely depressed and I’m trying to not let it get to me. Especially so because, I lash out on others, including my boyfriend and my kids. I’ve pushed up my move out date to next month because I can’t take living on edge, with resentment and around negative people. It makes me tremendously sad that its all the family I have but I don’t know what else to do.
Any advice as to what I should do is welcomed.
Thanks in advance. SugarBeeJanuary 6, 2015 at 1:52 pm #70698beloveParticipant
It is such a tough situation you’re in. I am a single mother too. I remember the time when I was out of work, divorced with 2 young kids and trying to brush up on my knowledge to find a job. It’s a lot on your plate. I don’t know if I really have any advice. But just know that things will get better if you keep up with positive thoughts. You might have to reduce your course work, pick up some work to help with the situation. But when you’re strong and determined, you will get to your goal. It will just take a little longer. I can see that you’re a very strong and intelligent woman. You will get there. You will finish grad school. It’s sad but sometimes, the only person you can trust is yourself. Try to find your inner strength, try to take shelter in your inner peace while all these things are going on. And don’t forget to eat healthy and have some good rest, go for walks. Your kids need mommy to be in a good state of mind. Think of your kids. It might be helpful to repeat “This too shall pass” throughout your day. It’s the power of thoughts. Take care of yourself. Your calmer energy will have a positive influence on other people. May be read up a bit on how to deal with difficult people and not take on their energy.
My love to you and your kids.
January 6, 2015 at 9:17 pm #70745OequanParticipant
- This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by tinybuddha.
Thanks for the positive reinforcements! I can take all that I can get considering it is a struggle consistently trying to figure how to make it all work. I will try as you told me, thanks again!
Sugar BeeJanuary 6, 2015 at 10:07 pm #70747naveen mallaParticipant
whatever your name maybe !!!
but you’re. a real piece to follow …
coz I’m in depression too…
and you know my age ?
you know my age ?
I’m happy past 3 months …
but things changed in jus 1 month..
started feeling horrible anger and severe sadness in the heart…
but I’ve had. a strong willll…
pretty sure I’m going to get out of this depression…
but you’re great ..sis….January 7, 2015 at 12:14 pm #70784HelenParticipant
Your situation sounds tough, so I want to take a few minutes to tell you that you are amazing. I think it’s great that you want to finish grad school in order to provide your kids with a comfortable life. It’s a really responsible thing to do, as well as being important to do this for yourself.
What I didn’t understand from reading your story is why you’re no longer on speaking terms with your grandma? Does she blame you for her illness? That must be really painful. But my advice really is tough: eliminate people who are negative forces in your life. Turn to friends, your boyfriend… People who reinforce positivity into your life and lend a helping hand when needed.
I can’t imagine having kids and being in such a difficult situation. But on the other hand, you have purpose, you have something to hold on to, a reason why you get up every day. And they will be forever thankful, I’m sure.
You can do this! And please, get help for your depression. Make sure you take care of yourself, only then will you be able to take care of your kids.
HelenJanuary 7, 2015 at 1:53 pm #70797ShirleyParticipant
I wanted to tell you how amazing you are! I just read a book called The Anatomy of Peace, which was a relatively easy and quick read but it really put things into perspective about how I react to people.