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Dear SugarBee,
It is such a tough situation you’re in. I am a single mother too. I remember the time when I was out of work, divorced with 2 young kids and trying to brush up on my knowledge to find a job. It’s a lot on your plate. I don’t know if I really have any advice. But just know that things will get better if you keep up with positive thoughts. You might have to reduce your course work, pick up some work to help with the situation. But when you’re strong and determined, you will get to your goal. It will just take a little longer. I can see that you’re a very strong and intelligent woman. You will get there. You will finish grad school. It’s sad but sometimes, the only person you can trust is yourself. Try to find your inner strength, try to take shelter in your inner peace while all these things are going on. And don’t forget to eat healthy and have some good rest, go for walks. Your kids need mommy to be in a good state of mind. Think of your kids. It might be helpful to repeat “This too shall pass” throughout your day. It’s the power of thoughts. Take care of yourself. Your calmer energy will have a positive influence on other people. May be read up a bit on how to deal with difficult people and not take on their energy.
My love to you and your kids.Dear friend,
Sometimes, a certain relationship or life situation is so tough, there isn’t a clear answer.
However, I do believe in the power of prayers. It doesn’t have to be a religious one, it can be a form of affirmation or positive intention. I used to get into heated arguments with my mom too and both ended up in lots of tears and days of uneasy feelings. What worked in my case was trying to understand why my mom was a certain way. People act a certain way according to what they know, their truth, their years of life experiences. Your mom probably had some really tough time at some point in her life. It’s the internal struggles acting out. I’d pray for her. I deeply believe that there’s a divine energy in each and everyone of us that can be slowly invoked and brought to the surface. But it would take a lot of patience. Gently acknowledge her pain. Sometimes, people acts out because they feel like no one cares, no one understands. In the case of my mom, she always thought that she’s not good enough and even I don’t love her, which is far from the truth. I learned to see her pain. I told her I love her, over and over again. I told her I am grateful for all the sacrifices she did for me. I told her her heart is like an ocean of love. I pointed out all the great things she did for people around her. Plus, when I calmed down, there was no fuel for a heated argument. So, yes, you can’t change mom, but your loving energy can be felt, and your patience with it will bare fruits and both of you will feel better. My love to you both.Steve,
Online dating is tough. Not just for men, but women as well. Just because a woman got a lot of messages, doesn’t mean any of them works out. We too, go through heartbreaks and rejections. Dating is tough. Marriage life is tough. Life is tough. Yes, it’s the hard truth. That’s why we have this wonderful place at tinybuddha to share our thoughts, swap stories and help each other. That’s why we need to work on ourselves and build a strong foundation of who we are to maneuver this journey called life. The key is to never give up.With much love and warmth.
Dear Kate,
I can relate to what you’re going through. I have 2 young kids age 9 & 5. You sound like you’ve been very busy being mom and you’re tired. What you need is a little break. Can you find some way to just take short walks by yourself to clear your head and breath in some fresh air? Just this simple thing can improve things tremendously. Once you have a breather for yourself, you’ll have a breather for your kids. Our energy affects people around us and vice versa. You might not have to worry about your daughter’s tantrums. When mommy is calm, everything calms down. Yes, you have that power. Now, everything costs money. Baby sitter costs money. But it can save more than it costs. A little investment in time for yourself is what needed here. I’ve been there in your shoes. My love and hugs to you. Wish you’ll find some time to just be Kate.Michael,
You sound like an amazing person, especially at such young age. I am so happy for you.
In my understanding, the saying that happiness comes from within, is because you can’t find something outside that is not already in you.
The paper chase is the problem – when someone chases the next thing to make them happy and don’t find a way to enjoy the journey, they don’t feel happy when you reach the destination. If they found happiness, it’s temporary. Then another paper chase begins with the same result. The key is to find happiness in what you’re doing, which is what you’re super good at doing. Enjoy the ride my dear friend. It’s a lovely one.“There is no path to happiness: Happiness is the path.” ~Buddha
“Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.” ~Chuang TzuDear Sarah,
The emotions you’re feeling is overwhelming. But like any storms, this storm of emotions will also calm down with time. You need to take shelter in yourself while this is happening. You sound like you already know what to do. It’s just the actual doing it that’s difficult. I can see the brighter days ahead of you. How do I know? You’ve gained awareness in your actions and their effects. You’re facing it head on now. It’s hard. They don’t say “no pain, no gain” for no reasons. My heart is with you. You can do this. You’re on the right path. Please be patient with yourself. Healing takes time. Keep focus on building a stronger foundation in yourself. Keep focusing in reading self-help books. Keep talking to us here. The more you do for yourself, the less everything else matters (like what your ex is doing with his life).
You will begin to see things in different light, with different attitudes. You can love yourself more and more each day. I am with you.Dear friend,
I hear what you’re saying about needing someone to talk to, to share about your day, to share your emotions. We all need certain level of connection and intimacy in our lives. We are social beings. The way to overcome loneliness is to deal with it head on. Sometimes, we fear the unknown, but once we start to experience it, we see that it is actually not that scary at all. Be acquainted with being alone. You don’t have to be completely alone. Music, virtual friends, books, … can provide some comfort. But if you want to overcome it, you got to face it. Give different things a try. What do you like to do? Think deeply about some small things that gave you joy and do more of it. This might be your chance build a stronger foundation in yourself. The storms of life always come in one form or another. But if we have a strong foundation, we can take shelter in it while the storm is at its strongest. All storms come down. The strongest wave of emotions will lessen and follow up with peace. Be patient with yourself and take care of yourself. Surround yourself with positive energy – through books, movies, spiritual talks, … Much peace and love to you.“Often, your best relationships are not the ones you run after; they are the ones that just reveal themselves.” ~ Mooji
Dearest GK,
My heart goes out to you. My marriage of 7 years with 2 young kids ended ~4yrs ago, so I can relate to how you’re feeling right now. Grief needs to take place. You used to be a couple, now you’re one. Certain bond broke, so there’s pain. Please be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to cry as much as you need to. Just know that this emotion will lessen and pass with time. And you will come out a stronger woman. The time alone will allow you some reflection, some understanding, some awareness, some realization, and then peace. A peace that is born after a crisis is priceless. You’ll still remember everything, but in a very different light. You’ll somehow feel a sense of gratitude that things happened just the way it did. Sometimes, some door closes because we are meant to walk through another – often a more rewarding one. It will be okay. People enter our life to teach us something about ourselves. Take time to learn what that is that this relationship gave you. Take time to learn who you really are and what really brings you joy. You have the time to try out new hobbies. Or just take walks – as many as you can. It will clear your head. Many insights usually come to me in a walk. My love and hugs to you.Dear Nic,
It will not only be ok. It will be great. You’re 21. You have a whole beautiful life ahead of you. You’re on tinybuddha. You’re listening to your inner voice. You’re taking on challenges. You’re listening to your heart and stepping out into a new horizon. You will learn so much with this attitude. I can only imagine a rewarding life ahead of you. The guilt/doubt you mentioned is absolutely normal – it’s a typical adjustment whenever we take on something new or face some changes in our lives. Embrace who you are. Much love to you.Dear Laia,
Step-parenting is hard and you have my hugs. I was in a step-mom situation ~20 years ago. And it was hard. I was so young and it was a big job. I now have 2 kids of my own, 5 & 10, that I am co-parenting with their dad. And I can share with you that kids are smart. Yes, they are affected by the grownups, but they have their own intuition too. They know who loves them. Sometimes, there’s not too much we can do, but to give love, to show love. As you said, she became genuinely happy after a few days being at your house. Love always wins, I think. She even wants to call you mom. That is so so sweet. The kid knows. Give love and have faith that things will get better. She might be affected by negativity 50% of time. But the opposite is true. She can receive positive influence from you both the other 50% of the time. She’s confused now because she is still so young. But she will get it, and soon she will be able to see things for what they really are. My love and hugs to you. Please take care of your bump too. You sound like a beautiful soul, so I know things will be great.
“If you believe it will work out, you’ll see opportunities. If you believe it won’t, you will see obstacles.” ~ Wayne Dyer
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.