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After breakup confuse to wait or not

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This topic contains 13 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  anita 8 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #191881

    Heisenberg
    Participant

    Hi,We got married 11 years back and after 11 years she decided to break up,we have a kid as well.

    I haven’t  got divorce notification yet had breakup approx 3 months back…during this time only contacted by her twice

    only for formal tasks…reaction was very cold even I tried to start conversation too.

    Has she totally forgot me and she totally moved on?

    I  really love her and my kid as well…sometimes I think I should leave the situation as it is and carry on with my life..then sometimes I think I should contact get legally divorce so that I can see my kid at least.

    Please help what to do.

     

     

    #192031

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Heisenberg:

    I think that first thing for you to do is whatever it takes to see your kid, so that your relationship with him, a loving relationship, if that is what it was, will be resumed and continue regardless of the state of affairs with your now estranged wife.

    Did she tell you why she ended the living together with you, any clues if she didn’t tell you?

    anita

    #192143

    Heisenberg
    Participant

    Hi Anita Thanks for reply,Yes she told me that she wants to end everything and told me to send me divorce papers too but never sent so far,she is living with her parents and our Kid is with her only,I haven’t seen my kid form last 3 months,I tried to reach out to talk to my kid and wish him b’day too but she never picked up the call.I don’t want to start legal processing from my end,so just waiting if she starts.

    I don’t want my kid only I want to live together with my wife and kid both,so I am keeping patience but in this I am not able to see my son and not even to talk…so wanted to know shall I keep waiting for her or start legal proceedings.

    note:me and my wife in different countries

    • This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Heisenberg.
    #192147

    Heisenberg
    Participant

    Sorry Anita she never told me the reason to get separate I could only judge it due to our misunderstanding,her career aspirations I couldn’t reach on any conclusion that why it happened.

    she hasn’t any relationship apart our that I am sure.I trust her.

    #192149

    abubin
    Participant

    Since you are separated by different country, it will be difficult if she does not care about your divorce filings. She can just ignore it and not go back to your country. I think best if you try to talk to her. If there is nothing really bad that caused her to want to separate with you then why is she severing all contacts with you?

    #192175

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Heisenberg:

    You are welcome. You wrote that you don’t know exactly what caused her to breakup with you, to move to her parents’ home with your kid, in another country. And she will not tell you, not taking your call, you wrote.

    If you would like, you can share a bit about the marriage with her, this eleven year marriage, how it was and what happened in the last year or so, what new developments happened in her life and in the marriage. Maybe I will be able to help you a bit with your confusion as to why this happened and what to do next.

    anita

    #192197

    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Heisinberg,

    The reason she is not communicating with you, is because she wants some custody of the child. Don’t let her walk all over you. You deserve to have custody or partial custody. Please hire an attorney right away. Let them handle this for you. As your wife will continue her silent treatment as she wants some custody. Don’t let this happen. Fight. Hire a divorce attorney. You deserve to see your child. Good luck.

     

    #192339

    Heisenberg
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thanks…I try to tell you in a brief approx 1.5 years back we were in our home country where me and she was working happily living…later I got opportunity to work abroad first I came alone and decided to live alone for a while and save money and will go back…but after I came I realized I cannot stay without my family..so I asked her to join me..She wasn’t much interested..could be due to her job and kid’s study..but I didn’t understand that thing that time and called them..My kid’s school had to drop even though he was in kindergarten at that time and my wife had to leave her job as well.

    Now this happened approx a year back..after coming here she had no job and all the time stay at home..I wanted her to start job but she didn’t get any job here…she was frustrated with this..I didn’t understand…now my kid was also going to be in higher standard and she knew in our home country study is good compare where we are staying right now,she had plan to start his study there…I shown my disagreement on this few times..that “we should stay together” “why you want to stay away from me”.

    So 3 months back my kid and her went to home country to attend family function..the plan was to come back after 1 month…but after she gone one day she started telling that kid will study here only and we had long argument on phone for that..then she tried to convince me that she should stay in home country for kid’s study and her career as well..I wasn’t agree with her on this…later she pissed off and started to say she doesn’t want to stay with me and all..then I got scared I took flight and went to her parents’ home…but sadly they all treated very cold and asked me to leave.

    I went again to see her to talk to her to see my kid..but they never showed my kid and they called my wife ..once I saw her and she seen me..we smiled ..but later when she sat on chair and started talking that she won’t stay with me anymore and we are not going to stay together ..I was shocked to listen this ..I apologized her if I did anything wrong but nobody listened to me…and asked me to leave..after 30-45 minutes of this I came back and never went back.

     

     

    #192341

    Heisenberg
    Participant

    Thanks Eliana!

    Surely will do it coz no other option leftas of now…but I still love her and want her back that is my first priority and I want our kid also get both parents instead one at a time.

    Thanks!

    #192433

    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Heisenberg,

    I think at this time, your child should be your first priority. I re-read several of your posts, your wife does not want and has expressed her wishes in a rather cruel way she no longer wants to be with you. She has treated you disrespectfully, rudely, and with much hostility, as her parents. I do not see things getting any better. They have their minds made up. Surely, this is not what you want for a partner? There are many women out there who would love to get to know you and your child. You may find yourself happier with them..the child will be happier with less tension, hostility, etc. Right now, your wife knows what she is doing, and is doing it in a calculculating way. She is deliberately trying to distance herself and to have some custody of the child. Fight. Don’t let her and her parents walk all over you. Find an attorney asap. Get a divorce. No contact with her. Push for sole custody. Find a loving, stable, mature woman who will love your child and who is emotionally available. You deserve better than the treatment your wife is giving you. Make your child your first priority. Getting your wife back is not an option, she does not want this.

    #192461

    Eliana
    Participant

    Did not submit correctly

    #192465

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Heisenberg:

    It reads to me that your wife had a difficult time in the country you moved to, where she joined you, and that she was all alone in her difficult time. What I mean by all alone, is that it seems to me that you didn’t understand her difficulties and wasn’t there for her to help her, that you argued with her instead of helping her.

    The reason I think that she was all alone with her difficulties is that you wrote: “I didn’t understand…I shown my disagreement…we had long argument on phone… she tried to convince me…. I wasn’t agree with her…I was shocked.”

    It is as if you were not aware of the many months, perhaps, of her being unhappy and troubled, so unaware that you were shocked.

    If I am correct in my understanding (and feel free to correct me, if I am wrong), then she gave up on you understanding her, gave up on trying to convince you of anything, gave up on expressing her feelings to you.

    anita

     

     

    #192471

    Heisenberg
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    your assessment seems correct to me.Thanks for your time.

    Hi Eliana,

    Thanks for your advice too will do.

    -Heisenberg

    #192485

    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Heisenberg. If you would like more of my input, or anyone else’s input, do post again.

    anita

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