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All this guilt and pain after I rejected someone

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Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
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  • February 24, 2018 at 6:42 pm #194301
    Kazuma
    Participant

    So basically I met a girl on a dating site my main intent was too just look for friends and chat. we spoke for a bit on there before we moved onto social media, we started out talking about the general things work, hobbies, etc etc then as we got too know each other better we had tons of stuff in common more so then any other girl I’ve spoken too so we clicked really well we shared pics of the naughty kind flirted alot  and were really into each other and so we arranged too meet up. But me and my then ex now current girl friend were still talking staying friends due too mutal friends and work, and a few days ago we ended up getting back together because we do still love each other. So I naturally did the right thing and tell this other girl how I got back with my ex and she was devastated and told me made her cry I obviously did what I could and try too make it as less painfull as possible she ended up blocking me. And now I feel horrible so guilty and upset and kinda regret I didn’t choose her which makes the guilt worse. I would never cheat on my gf but why do I feel this bad yes I’ve rejected people in the past it’s sucked but never this bad

    February 24, 2018 at 10:21 pm #194329
    Jake
    Participant

    Don’t feel guilty.  You did the right thing in telling her the truth the instant you realized your situation had changed.  You did not continue to lead her on or lie to her.  If the roles are reversed, you would want her to tell you right away as well.  Else, it would be even tougher for the truth to come out.

    Dating is always gonna be wrought with extreme emotions, but this is the contract we signed when we agreed to be seek someone for love.  It is about finding compatibility, and as long as you are honest with everyone and treat everyone with respect, there is no need to feel guilt.

     

    February 25, 2018 at 9:34 am #194607
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kazuma:

    Reads to me that you are surprised that you feel this much “guilt and pain”. I wonder if the intensity of your feelings have to do with what you stated here, that you and her “were really into each other”. Would you like to elaborate on that, what it meant to you to be into her and how she was into you?

    anita

    February 25, 2018 at 1:06 pm #194661
    Kazuma
    Participant

    Well when we spoke it was pretty much back and forth for hours on end we talked about light things and quite personal things, things which would which normally would take me a while before I told people about them. And when she messaged me I always smiled and I thought about her alot. I guess part of a reason I feel so bad is cause yes I do like her alot still do even miss her just as someone too talk too but at the same time how can I feel like this towards one person when I’m in love with another?

    February 26, 2018 at 8:01 am #194755
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kazuma:

    So your guilt is about feeling the way you do, that is liking her so much while you are in a relationship with your girlfriend?

    You wrote: “how can I feel like this towards one person when I’m in love with another?”- well, you can because it is possible. Many other people experience such as you do. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you do, neither is it evidence of wrongdoing or a bad character to feel the way you do.

    We don’t choose what we feel. When there is no choice, there is no guilt.

    We are responsible only to our behavior, not to what we happen to feel or what we happen to think. All our waking time we think and feel and think… if we were responsible for all those thoughts, all those feelings, my goodness, we would be guilty thousands of time per day.

    Only your actions, that is all.

    She was hurt and she blocked you. This is unfortunate. And it already happened. It is now in the past.

    anita

    February 26, 2018 at 2:19 pm #194849
    Mark
    Participant

    Kazuma,

    To clarify, the girl you are talking about was an online relationship?  You never met her in real life?

    In my opinion, that kind of relationship is fraught with misunderstandings, our own projections and fantasies.

    Is your current relationship solely an online one as well?

    Mark

    February 27, 2018 at 5:40 pm #195101
    Kazuma
    Participant

    Mark

     

    yes the other girl was only online and we spoke for about 2 and a half weeks. My current one is in the flesh so to speak

    February 28, 2018 at 3:53 am #195183
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kazuma:

    I replied to you yesterday but you rejected my reply by not acknowledging it. You replied to another member but not to me. That hurts just a little. I think it hurts most member who reach out to others here with best intentions, and then be ignored, rejected.

    I mention this because the title of your thread is “All this guilt and pain after I rejected someone”- perhaps you want to consider being kinder to individuals who do reach out to you with kindness?

    anita

    February 28, 2018 at 9:02 am #195249
    Kazuma
    Participant

    Aniti

    Sorry for not responding to you even though your words of wisdom have made me re think alot of things

    February 28, 2018 at 9:04 am #195251
    Kazuma
    Participant

    Even worse I spelt your name wrong ugh so sorry Anita

     

     

    February 28, 2018 at 9:34 am #195263
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kazuma:

    I accept and appreciate receiving your apology. Post again anytime.

    anita

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