It’s been only five days my love. You’re still right in the middle of this, of course you’re in pain. This sounds like a really intense relationship with a very difficult man.

Give yourself time. Trust the you that broke up with him, I think she made the right call. Try not to spend too much time wondering why he is such an awful person; that’s his business. Whatever wounds he’s got they are his to take care of. Your job is to take care of you (and your daughter).

Be kind to yourself. Feed yourself good things – good company, good friends, real rest, forgiveness, kindness, time. You have not been destroyed. You are still here, and in time, you will grow strong again and blossom.

Take heart, sister. It will not always hurt this much.

Whenever you think of him, look at your child. If you do get back together (NOT!) your daughter will either eventually see the verbal abuse or even get some herself! Picture her walking into your shared house and she can FEEL the Not Right Energy. She sees Mommy looking defeated and sad.

Now see her as a teenager and she goes out to meet a boy at the library because he’s helping her with trig. And Mom’s BF calls her a “s***, and by the way, all women are.”

Imagine someone saying all the things you were told to your child. If you imagine it right, a white-hot rage should blaze inside you. That’s the emotion to feel concerning this.

Treat yourself like a queen. Jokers are dismissed!

Hi Jo,

May I just add that Absolutely he knows his words are cruel ~ that’s why he says them!

The Golden Silence from not being around him is all the Respect you need now.

Think about it.

Best,

Inky

Hi Jo,

I can totally understand how you feel because I’ve been through it. I was with my ex-boyfriend for a year and it was only 8 months ago when I ended things with him. It is not an easy journey to let go the feeling you have for your ex-boyfriend. But trust me, you are definitely better off without him. You know it in your heart.

My ex-bf was considered my first love. Like you, I met my ex-bf through a dating website and he was just so special. I could totally feel the emotional connection and it felt as if I had known him for a very long time even though I have not met him before. It was this feeling that made me a prisoner of love for a year.

During the one year when we were together, I went through emotional, mental and verbal abuse. There were times it almost reached the stage of physical abuse. Looking back, I really don’t know what made me stay with him. I believe our possessive ex-bfs have the same traits. They are emotionally unstable and have serious trust issues. They would always think that we are betraying behind their backs. During the r’ship, my ex-bf forbids me from meeting my friends and expects me to always reply his msgs within 5 min. He would control how I dress and where I should sit so that I won’t have the chance to look at any guys. If I have to list his restrictions, it would be a long list. When I was with him, I gave up the most precious gift in life, freedom. I could not free myself from him and I hated myself for not having the courage to leave him. The r’ship caused me to lose myself. I no longer knew who I was.

It was until this year when I made up my mind to leave him. I started to understand that the only person who can change my fate is myself. As the saying goes “You cannot choose who comes into your life, but you can choose who to stay in your life”. The first few months were terrible. It was painful. I kept thinking about how sweet he was and how we would spend every weekends together. I missed everything about him. But I told myself that if I continue to stay with him, I would be the one who is destroying my own life. So I had to tell myself to bear with the pain and believe that I will meet a better guy some day. I kept myself busy by meeting up with my friends. I ignored his text messages. Whenever I start to think of him, I’ll stop myself and think about the ideal r’ship that I want. I read lots of articles about r’ships and I visualise the kind of guy that I really want. Although now I’ve not met another guy who can connect with me emotionally, I strongly believe in my heart that I will meet the right man one day. I hope you will have this strong believe too.

Your ex-bf lost you. You can’t change him. You deserve someone better. I sincerely hope that you can walk away from the unhappy past you had. Be the happy, cheerful person that you once were before you met him. You are not alone and your family and friends will always be there for you. *Hugs

starrypink

Hi Jo,
I challenge you to re-examine your statement. Do you really miss him or do you miss the idea of what he represents? He most likely represents something about yourself that you feel is missing. I encourage you to spend this time to really discover what you want in a relationship with someone else, as well as with yourself. I’ll also bet you don’t miss being verbally abused by him. It is simply unacceptable for someone to be abusive to you. Acknowledge this as a universal truth. Practice telling yourself this and removing emotions from thoughts. It will take time but practice sitting in silence every day watching those thoughts pass you by. You might be surprised by how much power you have. Take care of yourself, ok?