Dear chris:

The two things I am suggesting to you: open up in your profile and in communication with people, express your feelings, your wants, share about what you care about. Instead of writing in your profile that you are NOT a good conversation starter… start a conversation, right there at the beginning of your profile. Be yourself, share who you are, in the profile and in continuing communication.

You may need to get insight and skills through good psychotherapy, so to look into your anger and impatient about not getting replies or getting replies that you feel are inadequate. The anger and impatience that you have are standing in your way of finding and developing a relationship with a woman.

anita

+1 for reading Thinking, Fast & Slow. You reading about psychology is a huge plus. Find a book on emotional intelligence as well.

I was going to give you some dating advice, then I realized this wasn’t the problem.

Honestly, yes, i kind of take it personally when i get ignored, becuase it happens too many times.. I get anxiety sometimes when i do not get replies, especially when its people i chatted with for abit or people i know, though the anxiety i feel now isnt much worse as compared to last time.

You sound like old me, so let me speed up your growth here with some knowledge bombs:
1) It sounds like you lost something, and now you’re trying to get it back. Why are you searching for love?
2) You’re doing so at the wrong stage of the game. Love is an intimate thing. At what stage of the game can you become intimate? Think one-on-one conversations (not over text).
3) The bigger point: If you found love, will this make you happy and ease your anxiety?

From my personal experience, following through all this will amplify your anxiety because of three things: 1) you haven’t found a solution or really understand your emotions and what triggers them, 2) you will feed your own anxiety if what you’re doing is successful because you confirm your emotional reaction, and 3) your well-being will be reliant on an external source you cannot possibly control. This is extremely risky

No advice here, but take in the information/insights above. Let us know what you’re going to do next. Also, check out how Anita was asking you all these questions earlier. How we’re brought up affects who we are today.

We can talk about dating and dating apps in a bit 😛

P.S. I went through the same emotional turmoil when I lived in Bangkok for 3 months (recently). I got out of this cycle thanks to a friend of mine; I uninstalled my dating app and was able to move on with my life once I understood 1) what was going on, and 2) what I really want.

Dear chris:

My suggestion regarding your profile was an example type suggestion. You choose what feels right for you. My suggestion is that you share something personal in your profile as well as in other communications with the women who answer you. Share something true and personal about you and that will be attractive to me, if I was to read your written (and other) communication. If you bring nothing personal to the table, it is more likely that no one will join you at the table.

Regarding the girl that recently contacted you, if you respond to her it will be an opportunity for you to practice being patient with not getting instant results. If you can do that, reply to her. If you can’t- don’t. You need to be respectful of her, not abusive, not reactive abusively to your anger. If you can maintain such respect even and especially when she doesn’t fall in love with you, or if she doesn’t fall in love with you as fast as you’d like, then reply to her.

Post again, anytime.

anita

Dear chris:

I am familiar with the concept of emotional intelligence, of course, but not with that book you mentioned. Hope it is helpful to you.

I like your profile: at least it has one sentence about your feelings, a personal note: needing someone in your life that will care about you.

In correspondence with young women online, continue expressing personal sentiments like that one. Say something personal in almost every correspondence. When you get a message from a match, take a moment, pay attention to what you feel, and write something short about how you feel. Reach out that way to the matches.

And once you do, let it go best you can. Minimize your expectations. Then when you get a further reply, do the same thing: pay attention, send a sentiment her way. As long as it is true and not too much so you don’t feel too disappointed if and when you don’t get a reply or you get a reply that feels inadequate.

Post again anytime. I’d like to continue to try and help you with your aim to get involved in positive interactions with others and the loving relationship you naturally need and want.

anita