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chris

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)
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  • #107614
    chris
    Participant

    Just a little update. As usual, the girl whom i mentioned i went on a date with before, her texts are now coming very slowly. It had been fast the past few days, now its just waiting for hours to get a reply from her.

    Its has always been like this, people will start to talk to me at first, and then it will just slowly dies off. I thought we were talking fine, but i just dont have a clue why this happens to me all the time, she isnt the first, neither would she be the last.

    Of course, at first the anxiety wasnt there as i was controlling it. But now, the same old thoughts always comes into my head ” Am i doing something wrong?” “Does she find me boring ?” so on so on. I cant help it, not when it happens too many times before, its like i been scarred.

    #107493
    chris
    Participant

    @brievuong no i only got tinder at the moment, had a few others but they were full of bots . I didnt try any app meant for other countries.

    #107405
    chris
    Participant

    @brievuong i cannot message many new ladies, i don’t get alot of matches at once. It takes some time. Im currently only using Tinder, the other apps are full of bots i think. Currently, i am messaging only 1 out of over 20 matches on tinder.

    #107385
    chris
    Participant

    @brievuong it is part of it. But i also concerned with being ignored by those matches or even people i know. I just don’t many people ( including the matches ) would tend to ignore me at first or after some chatting. Finding the love connection is the other main reason why i am on the dating app too.

    #107373
    chris
    Participant

    Hi anita

    i would initiate the conversation whenever i get a match. Starting a first conversation is something i am not good at. I will try what u said about expressing personal sentiments, giving them and observing reactions.

    Hi brievuong

    i will continue the conversations with them, so that i can have at least someone to chat with, instead of being quiet all to myself. I can also use it as a learning point, to try to lessen my anxiety of receiving replies. I dont quite understand what u mean by ‘If you want to go down this path with Tinder, increase the number. You’ll get numb real quickly.’ .

    #107360
    chris
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    let me share with you with i put in my profile description :

    ” My name is Chris,23 this year. I am employed, working 60 hours a week.
    I believe there is no greater experience then to have someone who cares.
    Outside of work, i spend my free time gaming, watching science documentaries and reading, just to name a few.
    Currently reading ‘ Thinking , Fast & Slow ‘ by Daniel Kahneman. “

    This is after listening to your advice. I probably will make some changes again here and there. As for starting conversations with my to-be matches, i still have no clue as to what i should say.

    I responded to that girl, though now i have to practice being patient with not getting instant results, as you said. Sometimes, she reply slow, so i can use that to improve on my patience and cut down on my anxiety.

    I also found a book on emotional intelligence ‘ Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ ‘ by Daniel Goleman , as recommended by brievuong to find a book on emotional intelligence , but have not purchased it yet.

    #107330
    chris
    Participant

    Hi brievuong ,

    i guess i will just continue the conversation i have with the girls who i am still maintaining conversations with on tinder. Probably i will also gradually lessen my usage of it.

    do you know of any book about emotional intelligence ?

    #107257
    chris
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    i made some changes to my profile description according to your suggestions. I didn’t put in ” but I would very much prefer to spend my time instead in the company of young woman, taking walks together hand in hand, talking about anything, everything or nothing at all. ” though . Could i maybe put that i’m finding chat buddies ( as in, not trying to get into the serious stuff first ) . or will that be weird?

    Just abit of news. I mentioned the girl from tinder, whom i went to watched a movie with. The one whom i didn’t contact for a month now. She had just texted me, say : ” Hey! Busy working recently ? Finally got my holidays ”

    I kinda felt i was a let down last time during the little date.. we have chatted for a bit since about almost 12 hours ago.

    #107218
    chris
    Participant

    Just abit of news. I mentioned the girl from tinder, whom i went to watched a movie with. The one whom i didnt contact for a month now. She had just texted me, say : ” Hey! Busy working recently ? Finally got my holidays ”

    I kinda felt i was a let down last time during the little date.. i still have not replied her yet

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by chris.
    #107204
    chris
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    The one liner i do send to the girls is ” Hi, i am Jun hao, 23 this year and currently working. How about you? ” .

    However in my profile description, i put this :

    i’ll admit im not a good conversation starter. Sometimes im damn quiet too. But thats how i am. Simply simple

    Aquarius

    My favourites types of music are ******

    Currently reading ‘ Thinking, Fast & Slow ‘ by Daniel Kahneman .

    ^ The above is what i put on my profile. I never put what i am looking for.

    I been using tinder for a few months already, i meet up with 2 girls from there. I guess waiting is a must. I recently had more matches after changing to that profile description as i mentioned above, and adding another profile picture, as compared to previously.

    But most of them just match with me and dont reply. And relationships need time, so i probably have to learn to take it slowly..

    #107182
    chris
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    Yes it was exciting, but its one sided.. i honestly admitted that i have had some online relationships before. And you would probably guess that they also ignored me after some time.

    After they ignored me, or rather ‘dumped’ me , i would wait, and wait, for them to come back. But they wont. It just hurts. It is like they just woke up and suddenly decided not to talk to me anymore. They would read my messages, but wont reply.

    I can also say that i really enjoyed the online relationships , it just feels great to have someone who ‘loves’ and ‘care’ about me ..

    #107175
    chris
    Participant

    Hi anita ,

    It felt like anxiety, the anxious feeling while waiting for her text. When i got blocked, i feel very restless, i wont have the mood to do anything at all.

    Kind of like falling into a trap, which is love, and a one sided love at that.

    Both are such horrible feelings . It is just like you are dying inside. Sometimes i still get the feelings now, but much lesser..

    #107123
    chris
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    i had an emotional experience once. A few years ago, i was playing this mobile game and i happen to come across this girl. From there on, we had become best friends. More information about her : She was roughly the same age as me, and she live on the opposite side of the world ( US ) . Despite the timezone difference, we will still find time to chat everyday.

    Slowly, problems started to develop. I became more clingy to her, and she didn’t like it. It was probably because i fell in love. However, she doesn’t feel the same.. I became very toxic, becoming angry and jealous at the slightest things. This really pissed her off. Numerous times, she blocked and unblocked me because of this.

    Whenever she blocked me, i would text the other friends whom we met through the game ( they are all from different countries ) , many found me crazy and blocked me too. There were some that tried to help me, and they also warned me about my behaviors. I failed to heed them.

    Only after almost close to 2 years do i realize that i am the problem in our friendship. I stopped contacting her because i can bring myself to give her any more problems. Approximately 2 months later, she sent me an text message, saying something along the lines of ” chris, maybe we should be friends again , if you want to, reply me ” , and i didn’t .. That was close to 2 years ago, now i really regretted it

    She was the only best friend i ever had. But i was toxic, angry and jealous over silly stuff, which drove a wedge into our friendship. , i have no real hope of ever finding her again, i do not have her number anymore..

    #107105
    chris
    Participant

    Hi anita, Sann and Nina, thank you for your replies.

    anita, I forgot to mention that its not only girls on tinder who ignores me. Previously, i also contacted an ex-classmate from about 6 years ago via facebook messenger. At first, she replied back, and the replies were very slow. Eventually after trying to get her mobile number, she stopped replying. I also tried to contact another person and got the same results, though she only replied once and that was it. You told me to think of another conversation starter and to be always truthful, always authentic, but more attractive. However, i been scratching my head and cant think of anything good to use..

    Sann, after all these incidents, i start to feel that the problem is that i am boring. What u mention is true. I am an Aquarius, i really do not portray out my expressions as compared to many other people, i have feelings, i just don’t show it out. I have met a girl from tinder last month, we went out just for lunch for the first meeting. However, i really screwed up big time on our third meeting. We went to watch ‘ The Jungle Book ‘ , and i honestly admitted i didn’t talk much to her during the whole movie. I really didn’t know what in the world i was thinking at that time. It was probably my biggest mistake. We didn’t text for a month now.. i feel disappointed with myself.

    I am currently working full time. My job is a 12 hour shift, and my workdays are random. There might be times when i am on day shift, and times when i am on night shift. I only get 2 days off each week. Because of this, i do not really have time to go out to find anything that interests me. I also do not like going out alone. Maybe this is one of the things pulling me down too.

    Nina, i feel tired from the 12 hour shifts, but i kind of used to it. I still live with my parents. I really love reading. I am currently reading ‘ Thinking, Fast and Slow ‘ by Daniel Kahneman . It is a psychology book about the ways people think. I am taking my time to read it. I also have a few more books i have brought still waiting to be read. I know that tinder is more of a booty call app, however things are different here in my country, the girls here use tinder to make more friends and maybe a serious partner, and not for booty calls. This i know, because that is how it is like in my country.

    Sorry for the late replies, i was busy at work.

    #107059
    chris
    Participant

    Hi guys, sorry for the late replies. It was nnight time for me.

    I forgot to mention thats its not only girls on ttinder who ignores me. Previously, i also contacted an ex-classmate from about 6 years ago. At first, she replied back, and the replies were slow. Eventually after awhile she also stopped. Another person i tried contacting also did the same, although it ended much quicker.

    So it isnt only on the online dating scene that i get ignored, even my ex-classmates did that to me.

    I am currently working. My job is a 12 hour shift, and on random days. There might be times when im on day shift, and times when i am on night shift. I only get 2 hours off each week. Because of this, i do not really have time to go out to find anything that interests me. I also do not like going out alone. Maybe this is one of the things pulling me down too.

    Honestly, yes, i kind of take it personally when i get ignored, becuase it happens too many times.. I get anxiety sometimes when i do not get replies, especially when its people i chatted with for abit or people i know, though the anxiety i feel now isnt much worse as compared to last time.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)