I was living half way across the world with a boyfriend who was very emotionally abusive.
I didn’t want to leave, as I felt once we got through this “rough patch” things would be amazing.
I ended up getting in a bad accident which left me unable to walk and do any physical activity for a couple months.
Which ultimately led to becoming even more depressed than i already was.
So i took the initiative and decided i needed to go home where i could heal my body and mind.
I never went back to him which I am proud of myself for.

After being home for a month I met someone who completely stole my attention, and I was so happy to feel excited about someone. However i was still incredibly depressed as the injury made me gain a lot of weight. I also suffer from anxiety, but this new love interest seemed to help me find excitement in life again.

We have now been together for 7 months, and we said we love each other and I really thought that my previous relationship led me to him and that the injury and everything was a blessing in disguise because if none of that happened I wouldn’t have met him.
We have so much fun, we both are very playful and everyone always tells us how cute we are together. His family is amazing which is a huge bonus too.

However all of a sudden feel COMPLETELY different.

I just want to be by myself all the time… I finally feel back to myself and working out every single day and feeling confident again. I have been reading everyday and plan on returning to school to finish my degree.

I feel like i’m back to who i was prior to when things got really bad with my ex! However now i’m completely viewing my boyfriend as something thats holding me back.

He sleeps in until 2 pm which drives me insane, and he has been doing a lot of drugs and partying. He keeps calling in sick to work because he didn’t sleep. He also asked me to move in a month ago and at the time i really wanted to… but now after really becoming in touch with myself i realize that is not what I want anymore. I don’t think he will take this news well at all because he seems like he is in such a vulnerable state lately.
He was always there for me when i first met him since i was in such an anxious and depressed state following the breakup… so a part of me feels really selfish because i know he probably needs my support right now.
But at the same time I feel I am always taking care of him. And even though he’s such a nice supportive human to me, its a huge turn off that he cannot take care of himself. He is currently living pay check to pay check doesn’t have a car anymore… always asks to borrow mine but can’t afford to put gas in it half the time…sleeps all day… And he always gets mad at me because i always am wanting to sleep at my house without him but that’s because I get up early and want to be productive.

I just feel like a terrible person because I feel like maybe he senses that i am pulling away that its causing him to become depressed but I have made people my problem before and I always get dragged down with them and i am afraid of that happening to me again.

I don’t know what to do, am i being completely selfish? Is this maybe just one of those rough patches in a relationship where he needs my help? Because he has so much potential and has many hopes and dreams but doesn’t even have the drive to get himself to do anything in his small daily routine. We go to the ski hill and I ski all day while he sits at the bar waiting for me to be done. I just am tired of dating guys where I feel like they take and take but have nothing back to give me.

I feel horrible to say this but i feel like i deserve better.

I feel like if i broke up with him i would feel really relieved or I would regret it because I am so incredibly changeable. Im a pisces and they always say pisces are two fish swimming in opposite directions at all times… Which has been me my whole life in every single relationship and everything i am doing.. i want it but i also want something else.

• This topic was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by tinybuddha.
• This topic was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by alex.