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am i out of love or what ?

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  • #222891
    Princess123
    Participant

    hallo ,

    its almost 2.5  months that i am dating my bf..he loves me alot and very much practical and mature person  .we are most of the time togather (i can say  we are in living relationship )we love spending time t0gather ..i love him alot  and we are having very healthy relationship but in these 2,5 months i am experiencing this second time as if i dont love him but i really do love him and there is no such reason that i fall out of love with him as he is really kind and loves me so much .but i dont know why i am getting irritated at him without any biig reason ?

    why i feel falling out of love with him second time .in real i dont wanna loose him .

    how can i fix this ?or do i nt love him?

    #222895
    Princess123
    Participant

    and i want to add here ,i have been in many relationships and as i remmember i used to fall out of love very easily in few months  after because of some different reasons .i am scared that i dont fall out of love with him this time,as  i really want him.

    is it something wrong with me that i have been breaking up with ex.bfs?

    these are the questions i often ask my self …and i am unable to find any answer

     

    #222893
    Alicia
    Participant

    Maybe your brain is thinking about him too much and when it thinks about something else, you feel that this love have stopped for a moment.

    You can try to make little pause of him, two days or tree days. After pause analyse your feelings and ask yourself, how strong these feelings actually are.

    #222999
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Princess123:

    I read and communicated with you about your current relationship.

    You wrote: “I have been in many relationships and as I remember I used to fall out of love very easily in few months after because of some different reasons”-

    will you tell me more about it, this pattern of falling out of  love easily and quickly in many relationships before, examples, maybe?

    anita

    #223001
    Mark
    Participant
    #223007
    Princess123
    Participant

    dear Anita ,

    there always been multiple reasons to fall out of love with my ex -es  : for example

    Ex A :b very possessive about me and interfering in everything i mean disturbing my privacy ,i had no privacy in that relationship ,emotionally abusive (used to threat me that he will kill himself etc ),lying to me about things as i came to know their lies i couldnt figure out how easily they were fooling me and making stories and i was believing every single word of his ..and too much drama .

    EX 2:too much possessive ,insecure ,wanted me to do what he wants ,getting angry at me and lying and checking my texts or mobile everyday ,checking fb and replying my male friends from my side ..

    in this relationship the way he lied about his education and made thousand of stories about that turned me off …

    Ex 2 : (about this relationship i have already wrote  before )possessive,insecure,snooping mobile checking my msgs ,TOO much much Drama ,trust issues ..

    #223017
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Princess123:

    You wrote earlier: “I have been in many relationships and as I remember I used to fall  out of love very easily in few months… is it something wrong with me that I have been breaking up with ex bfs?”

    My answer following reading your recent post is: no, there is nothing wrong with you for falling out of love and for breaking up with the ex boyfriends you listed because they did the following wrong things (not in order): disturbing your privacy, checking your texts, mobile and Facebook and replying to people pretending he was you; emotionally abusing you via threats to kill himself, lying to you, making up stories, adding to your life “too much drama”.

    I do hope you meet a man who will be trustworthy, honest and loving. It takes a whole lot away from love when a person lies to the one they supposedly love, invading the privacy, creating unnecessary distress/ drama in the life of the one they… supposedly love!

    anita

    #223031
    Princess123
    Participant

    thank you so much Anita for your time .

    i have one main Question regarding my current relationship.

    why do i sometime feel as if i dont love my bf ?as i mentioned above its second time i am having this feeling ,just before some weeks i woke up one morning and i started to feel as if i dont love him .i was very upset and angry at myself that why i am feeling this thing.after 3-4 days i suddenly burst into tears and cried alot infront of him without any reason he hugged me alot and asked me whats wrong why am i crying like this ?because he knows that i never cry because of  small things or normally .even i dont be too much emotional .i was crying  just because i was sad i felt i am again suffering from Depression (which started in my previous abusive relationship ),i was crying because i was sad and was not feeling that love for him ..i was pretending to love him in those 3 days .

    but after crying next day i became alright .and i stat´rted having that love feeling for him ..

    now again the same i feel as if i dont love him ?i cant understand why …???

    but one thing more there is one incident ,may be  my this feeling has anything to do with that …i will mention it below :

    (before entering into relationship i made things clear that i have been in relationships and i dont want to bring my past into our relationship if never needed .and he was agreed and he said he doesnt care about my past )

    recently he was using my laptop while i was at work and he went through my emails ,and then he sent me my ex picture to me and asked me that who is he ?and than he said sorry to ask me, because he knew he was my ex and we were nt gona discuss about him (as we made things clear that he has nothing to do with my past)

    actually he read 1-2  old emails which i sent to my ex ..

    i got very angry that why he went through my emails ,and he said he accidently saw that .

    the second day i checked my email sent box i found that  he forwarded that email of mine to his own email address.i felt very awkward and i asked .we had an argument about it ..i said that is my personal thing how could u do that etc ..but at last he convinced and he promised me that he ll delete those ..

    and later after week i found tht he dint only go thtough  my ex email but also my male friends .

    and than i asked that too that why u checked other emails ..so his reply was :i got obsessed after reading those ur ex email thus i checked …

    and i asked him to stay away frm my privacy and he agreed .

    now my concern  is ,if all these feeling of not being in love has anything to do with such issues ?

     

    #223033
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Princess123:

    Our feelings don’t stay the same. It is their nature to change. Think of this; there is a food that you really enjoy, you feel joy when you eat it. That joy is a feeling. It probably happened that one day you didn’t feel joy eating that same food you enjoyed before. Maybe you didn’t enjoy it at all, being overly tired or upset. Because of some upset, let’s say, you didn’t enjoy that food. Later on, a different day, no longer tired or upset, you feel that joy again, eating that particular food. Same thing with loving another person.

    In my example it is the same food when you enjoy it one day but not the next. What happens when your boyfriend invades your privacy, betraying your trust by doing so repeatedly, comparing it to food again, is that you are eating the same food you enjoyed before, but this time, the food is spoiled, rotten, tastes bad. His behavior is like that rot in the food. So you don’t enjoy eating it.

    Does this make sense to you?

    anita

    #223035
    Princess123
    Participant

    hello ANITA ,

    Thank you once more ,

    i wanted to say yes that makes sense but in my previous post i was unable to make it clear that my bf just went through my emails once  for example on 25 .August at 10 am  ,exactly the same time he text me and ask me about that picture  and later days when i was checking my laptop i found that on 25.august 10 am  my bf forwarded that email and another file from my email which was sent by my male friend was downloaded   on the same  date and time ..

    and he said although he sae that emails but he doesnt care about my past etc .

     

     

    #223039
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Princess123:

    I don’t understand your clarification in your most recent post: can you state what you are trying to clarify (is it that he did not betray your trust by invading your privacy, looking into your emails etc.?)

    I will be away from the computer and back to your thread in about 17 hours.

    anita

     

    #223075
    Princess123
    Participant

    dear Anita,

    yes that was betray of my trust to go through my emails .and than later he was convinced that he ll not do that again .

    now there are many questions coming into my mind .for example

    but can this be a reason of what i was feeling (not in being in love)??if yes than

    we all know we are not perfect and he did that mistake and should i start judging him on the basis of this ??or something els?

    .in this case will i ever get a person in my life who will be perfect in everything ?

    how can i fix this feeling now ,is it normal to feel that way ?

    so on

    #223083
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Princess123:

    I re-read your post before last. In it you wrote that your boyfriend invaded your privacy once, not repeatedly. I understand now. Regarding your question about you falling out of love easily, in this new relationship and the ones before: there is the fact that our feelings change, not being the same all the time, like I wrote before, nothing to be alarmed about. Then there is the fact that a man’s behavior in the relationship with you makes some difference in how you feel about him.

    There is one other factor: it happens that people lose their in-love feeling so to protect themselves from future hurt. The emotional logic of this is: if I don’t love him anymore, then I will not get hurt when he stops loving me/ when he leaves me/ when something bad happens. If this is what is true to you, then it is likely to happen no matter who the man is, no matter how loving and trustworthy.

    Can this be the reason for you falling out of love?

    anita

    #223085
    Mark
    Participant

    Princess123,

    What you are talking about is love being a feeling.  Feelings are transitory as anita has pointed out.  Mature love is a more than those goo-goo eye feelings.  Google the difference between mature vs. immature love.

    Mature love is based on mutual respect, trust, and acceptance of each other.

    Your boyfriend’s “mistake” was to snoop through your emails.  This was not respect or trust.

    Do not get hung up on why you are “falling out of love.”  Examine why you “need” to stay with this person.  Do you love and respect yourself?  Would you advise a close friend to tolerate such behavior?

    You gave examples of current and past boyfriends and their behavior.  Note the pattern for those relationships and work on yourself so you will be able to have a healthy, trusting relationship next time.

    Mark

    #223089
    Princess123
    Participant

    dear Anita:

    thank you alot for ur post.

    yes Anita the factor u described earlier can be a reason .the Factor is my FEAR of losing him .i have this Fear that i might lose him or he will leave me..or may be he fall out of love with me .

    because i had a bad past experience .

    just before my last relationship i was in another relationship it was a perfect relationship inmy eyes i was very confident  person  i knew he loves me alot he ll never leave me ,we are just too perfect for each other nothing can ever make us separate and suddenly he left me without any reason he stopped all his contact ,stopped attending my calls ,till today he dint tell any reason .that was heartbreaking …i was very disturd for months

    even after 1.5 years i think about him daily .i think how he broke my heart and why he did so ..

    and i am somehow holding those baggage of my past which makes me insecure ,that my beloved bf  ll leave me as i experienced in my past may be .or if he ll hurt me how ll i go through the same heartbreak again  .

     

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