fbpx
Menu

Am I taking the right approach?

Home→Forums→Relationships→Am I taking the right approach?

New Reply
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #221703
    PrettyInPink
    Participant

    I met this guy online. I think I mentioned that before. We clicked immediately and for 3 weeks we were communicating effectively in my opinion. He is overseas so we use Skype occasionally to talk, but mostly whatsApp. His English is not that great and when we Skype he talks a little bit but not much. But at least we get to see each other.

    Here is the issue.

    I’m supposed to go see him in about 8 weeks. But I am getting cold feet because of a few things. He would have come here, but he does not have anymore time off. His mom is sick and he used all his time off and some to be with her in his home country. Thats actually when we first met. So he would text me when he was not in the hospital with his mom. I have the time to take and frankly I need a vacation. I haven’t had one in 2 years because of work. So I am ok with me going there. While he was taking care of his mom, he was at least attentive. I was confident about his level of interest in me so I agreed to meet him in the country where he works. I did because I felt like it will be in 3 months so I would have the time to get to know more about him before I even venture out there. He told me that when he gets back to the country where he works he will have more time for me. I feel like he doesn’t make time for me. We do connect everyday via whatsApp. Exchange the basic pleasantries “How was your day?” blah blah blah. He initiates contact enough and I do the same when I have something to tell him. Problem is I would like to Skype at least once a week. I told him in lieu of dates and stuff Skype would be the closest. He has agreed to that, but I don’t see him actually committing to a time to do it. I have told him this. Also he does not ask me any questions about myself. In the beginning he did. Now he will say I will ask you a question when I think of one. He doesn’t seem to have any. He answers any question I ask him. I am naturally very talkative and heck if I am going to see him I want to know as much as possible about him. The fact that he does not commit to Skyping me and he doesn’t ask me questions about myself like my past makes me feel like his level of interest is not enough for me to want to use my time and resources to visit him. I have to admit that I like a lot of attention from my mate and I have always had that with others in the past (Maybe I am needy). So this is different. Anyway my sister said I may be more invested emotionally in the relationship than he is. I am starting to feel like she is right. I am trying to avoid old relationship patterns that had me worn out in my past relationships. I would normally put up with bad behavior from my mate because I don’t want to rock the boat. With him I don’t give him any passes. I call him out when he needs to be called out and “reward” him when he deserves it.

    So here is what I decided to do. I will pull back and I won’t make mention of the things I already told him about and will just pretty much mirror his behavior. I will take him off the pedestal that I had initially put him on. Also I have given myself till the end of August to decide if I will still go see him. He doesn’t know this, but that is my end point. I feel this is fair because I already told him about my dissatisfaction and that is enough time for me to see if he will make an effort to do something about it.

    I just need some opinions and insights.

    Thanks.

    #221725
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear PrettyInPink:

    Reads like an excellent idea, to take him off any pedestal that you put him on before. And it makes sense to me that it is not a good idea to invest significant time and resources in meeting him in person because he doesn’t ask you questions about yourself.

    No reason to travel a long way so to “exchange the basic pleasantries… blah blah blah”- you can continue to do this on WhatsApp.

    anita

     

    #221731
    PrettyInPink
    Participant

    thank you Anita. I always look forward to your advice. 🙂

     

    #222513
    PrettyInPink
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    So here is the update. I basically also pulled away as I said. I was supposed to go see him in October, but I decided that I didn’t want to go anymore because I did not have any incentive to go. Guess what? He texted me last night and told me that the borders to the country where he lives have been temporarily closed. I don’t believe him but I can’t be bothered to find out if it is true because I already decided I wasn’t going anyway. So when he texted me that my response was “oh ok. I didn’t think you wanted me to still come” he was like “why would you think that? did I say you can’t come?” So I responded “No you didn’t but you never talked about it” he was like “oh ok”. So this morning I texted him and asked him “So since we are not meeting this year, what do you want to do?” he was like “I will wait”. So I told him “I am not willing to wait, not because I don’t want to meet him, but because he hasn’t given me any incentive for me to come see him.” His response? “Oh ok”. I would have liked for him to ask me what I meant but he did not. So I take it that he is not interested. That was a few hours ago.

    Anyway. I deleted his number out of my phone. I have no way of contacting him since I did not memorize his number. I kind of feel bad because I really did like him. But I only want to like someone that also likes me not just me liking them if not I am wasting my time. Been there done that and I learnt from it. So I have let this one go 🙁

     

     

    #222531
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear PrettyInPink:

    Good initiative on your part, to end contact with him. From the recent exchanges with him, he clearly showed little to no interest in seeing you, “Oh ok” is a very weak incentive for meeting anyone, especially for traveling to another country, borders closed or not, so to meet him!

    I understand that you feel sad because you liked him and had hopes. But better be sad now than more sad (and angry, probably) later).

    I hope to read from you again, anytime!

    anita

    #222637
    maggie mac
    Participant

    Brave girl! Way to go. You absolutely did the right thing.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.