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maggie mac

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 39 total)
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  • #222685
    maggie mac
    Participant

    If you have another place to sleep you could not sleep with him. Stop cuddling with him and really act like you are on a break. He needs to see what it feels like without your emotional contact. As long as he is getting that he is happy. You have to make him feel what it would be like if you were not in his life. Don’t be mean but be cool and just polite.

    You say he checks on you when he feels like you pull away. So this means he doesn’t like it when you don’t give him your emotional energy. So make him feel it so he can come to a decision about you.

    #222637
    maggie mac
    Participant

    Brave girl! Way to go. You absolutely did the right thing.

    #222635
    maggie mac
    Participant

    Nana, I want to say to you. Bless you. You sound so confused and that war in your mind is knowing things are not right or there would be no war. You said you worried about messing up what could be a beautiful relationship. You won’t. If he loves you and you love him and it is meant for you to be together nothing can pull you apart.

    I think the problem is that you didn’t take any time alone to deal with the betrayal he inflicted upon you.

    If possible, try to not see him for a designated amount of time where you make no contact. Give yourself time. It will also let him know that you value yourself and you will not just take him back when he does this. He will respect you more.

    He might jump into another relationship because it seems this is his MO but if he loves you he won’t. He will give you the time you need to end this war and decide what is best for you.

    #222633
    maggie mac
    Participant

    Michelle, My boyfriend of 4 years just did this same thing to me… said he was busy busy busy. And then all of a sudden he just disappeared.

    Sara, I know that if a man loves a woman he will move heaven and earth to be with her.  Maybe this one is really too overwhelmed but do you really want a man that doesn’t check on you for 4 days?

    I thought I couldn’t live without my ex-boyfriend but it has been a month and I am getting better. It is not easy. All the wondering like you are doing or what did he feel and did he mean it or did he lose it? Just what?

    It is actually quite crushing. Mine sang me love songs, told me I was his everything, his rock, the love of his life etc. but looking back his actions didn’t line up with his words. All of a sudden he was very busy, then I suspected some lies (he was still calling every day) then he vanished.

    I hope you get some answers and mostly some peace about all of this.

    #222631
    maggie mac
    Participant

    Michelle, My boyfriend of 4 years just did this same thing to me… said he was busy busy busy. And then all of a sudden he just disappeared.

    Sara, I know that if a man loves a woman he will move heaven and earth to be with her.  Maybe this one is really too overwhelmed but do you really want a man that doesn’t check on you for 4 days?

    I thought I couldn’t live without my ex-boyfriend but it has been a month and I am getting better. It is not easy. All the wondering like you are doing or what did he feel and did he mean it or did he lose it? Just what?

    It is actually quite crushing. Mine sang me love songs, told me I was his everything, his rock, the love of his life etc. but looking back his actions didn’t line up with his words. All of a sudden he was very busy, then I suspected some lies (he was still calling every day) then he vanished.

    I hope you get some answers and mostly some peace about all of this.

     

     

    #222625
    maggie mac
    Participant

    Lola, I just wrote you a detailed response and it went away when my internet went out for a sec. I will try again later hopefully. Just listen to your gut. Not your heart or your mind. Its that “feeling” you get about things. And ask yourself if you are getting what you need from him. Do his actions match his words? Do you feel valued and as a priority in his life?

     

    #222489
    maggie mac
    Participant

    Just for today, promise yourself that no matter how you feel, you will act like everything is fine. Say the things you would say if you were happy. Act like the relationship is perfect. Just for one day don’t let your anxiety rule your life. If you cannot say anything positive just don’t talk much. Just listen to him. Smile.

    You need to get some positive experience behind you so you can break this chain of thinking he wants you out of his life. What you are feeling are your anxiety and stress and you are projecting it on to him and the relationship.

    You need some time without your emotions running the show.

    Act like you have the best relationship in the world. Be happy even if you don’t feel it. Small changes in our brain chemistry are very helpful.

    Give your cares to God and ask Him to relieve you of your anxiety. Sit and just breathe. Push against this anxiety and try not to let it rule over you.

    I hope you will get relief.

     

     

    #222453
    maggie mac
    Participant

     Hey, so sorry to hear this. I know it’s crushing because I had the same thing happened to me. I think that they really did love us and that we served a purpose in their lives and meant something to them at the time but it just wasn’t enough. I know it hurts to even have to say that. To think that maybe we weren’t enough.  But it has nothing to do with you or me it just has to do with the fact that we just weren’t everything they wanted.

    I know my boyfriend loved me  as I know you’re loved you. But I think the problem lies with them maybe they just can’t love enough. Maybe they’ll never love anyone enough.

     

     

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by maggie mac.
    #219437
    maggie mac
    Participant

    Hi, Anita. I didn’t really feel like writing this but you have been so kind I decided to. I guess my lack of wanting to just stems from the pain and not wanting to give it a voice.

    It has been 17 days without a word from him.

    Whatever reason, whatever issue, this has let me know he no longer wants me in his life and I am doing everything I can to come to terms with it.

    If anything changes I will let you know.

     

     

    #218035
    maggie mac
    Participant

    I talked to my mom about it today and felt better afterwards.

    I am still in denial that this could happen so suddenly because for my birthday he gave me a beautiful card with his own thoughts on it. He has been talking about how he is streaming lining the office and selling things so he can consolidate so he can come here more often. That was one of our last conversations. I guess that is why it is so hard to believe it but I def have entertained it.

    #218013
    maggie mac
    Participant

    Hey, Anita.

    Yes, it could be over but I am going to wait for a few more days before I begin to process that.  I agree that it isn’t loving to not contact me but I know how his mind works so I can understand a little better.

    Thank you for your concern and of course, everything you say is true. I am just not ready to go there yet.

    Thanks again and I will stay in touch.

    #217993
    maggie mac
    Participant

    Thank you, Anita. I’m having a really bad morning. Sometimes I have a lot Of hope sometimes not so much.

    #217951
    maggie mac
    Participant

    Thanks for the encouragement, Anita. I keep thinking about these positives in our favor.

    I’ll keep you informed if I hear anything.

    #217919
    maggie mac
    Participant

    Yes, Anita. I will let you know how this turns out.  I have a feeling he will contact me again. I just cannot imagine giving this up because we rarely have any upsets and he has told me before that he feels I am balanced in my emotions. I know he values that.

    We had just come to a new high in our relationship. I had met his grown daughter and she loved me and his ex-wife was always mean to his daughter and that hurt him badly. I really believe he thought I had gotten past the point of having doubts and when I did at this point in our relationship it really threw him.

    I admit I need to feel like I am the most important thing to him. When he got busy and his schedule changed I felt like it was me who was getting shortchanged, but for him, he saw it as a place where he could get some relief and had some leeway and I let him down.

    I have decided to not contact him anymore. It is not doing me any good and it isn’t helping and is probably hurting.

    Will post again soon. Please continue to post as you think of anything.

    I am editing this to add: The reason my replies didn’t post is that I didn’t post them from this site. I simply replied to the email I received telling me about the new messages. I guess if you reply from your email it doesn’t post. I wonder where they went?

     

     

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by maggie mac.
    #217859
    maggie mac
    Participant

    Mark, I wrote back to you also. I don’t see either of my replies to you or to Anita.

    I found it in my sent email and will copy it here:

    Mark, I know what I need to do. It is just a matter of doing it.  You would think that at age 63 I could get this down, but I am still a work in progress and we all are until the end.

    I agree that we have to change ourselves. Thanks for the link. I am going to check it out next. I just heard this last night… ” Be the change you want to see in the world. When you have changed yourself, you have changed the world.”

     

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by maggie mac.
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 39 total)