October 18, 2013 at 4:23 am #43976seekerParticipant
I can’t stop rolling this around in my mind. I’ve had a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend that has now become shrouded in doubt in my mind. We fell madly in love 3 years ago, and from the beginning he talked about how he wanted to marry me and help me raise my daughter. We he reconnected (bf from hs) after I had been separated from my now ex-husband for about a year. It took a while for my divorce but I’ve now been single for about 7 months. Since my divorce came through, he grew tight lipped about plans to get married and have a baby together. This used to be one of his favorite topics of discussion — he’s 40, never married. Used to say he wanted to marry me the day I gor divorced. Now the topic has been taken “off the table.” I wonder is it because I have been acting like his wife for years now, he feels no need to step up? When we talk about it, he gets jittery and changes the subject. I want to be his wife. I want to make our lives together. He knows that and used to say the same. Another complicating factor, he moved away about a year ago for an exciting and rewarding job. We have been long distance since then, and I have been trying to find a good job in his city with plans to move my daughter. I’m starting to wonder if it’s foolish to uproot my life for someone who seems to be withdrawing from the relationship. He has very romantic ideas and dreams, but when the rubber meets the road, I now wonder if I can trust him and have I been blind.He still says, when I press him, that I’m the love of his life and he wants a family with me. He recently insisted that we buy a car together. We have a pet together. He travels to see me a lot, and I to him. Am I being mental?October 18, 2013 at 4:24 am #43977seekerParticipant
Thank you for your advice!October 18, 2013 at 6:18 am #43981JeffParticipant
You are the one in the situation, and I don’t know him at all. My honest suggestion is that the two of you sit down and talk. Don’t make it a confontation, it needs to be a long discussion where you both listen to what the other is actually saying. Maybe he feels there is no need to be married since you’re already long term, or maybe he senses he’s some kind of rebound, or maybe its fear, or any one of a number of things. Right now, you’re guessing. The same with him. Is he saying what he thinks you want to hear? Is he afraid of hurting you if he says marriage isn’t what he wants right now? Was he saying all those things because it was easy to say when you weren’t divorced yet and no that its final it’s become too “real”? You will only find these things out from communicating. Believe me, I can tell you from experience that lack of communication causes more break ups in a relationship than any other thing.