After what I had been through with my mother. I wanted to be able to protect myself. I was strong. As strong as I could possibly get as a woman. I was even good at fighting from my days in high school.

I was sexually assaulted, by someone I considered my best friend when I was in university.

I didn’t expect it from a friend. And I couldn’t defend myself. I was in shock and froze. I spent a lot of time since high school working on not fighting. I couldn’t defend myself against a friend even when they were doing that to me.

I’m so sorry it is horrible being betrayed by someone you trust. What happened is so incredibly wrong. ❤️

I struggled. He was too strong. Walking away didn’t work. Swearing at him didn’t work. Begging him to stop didn’t work. Eventually, I worked up the courage to hit him after the shock wore off. It was a risk being violent that he would do that to me. I decided it was worth the risk and I would rather die. I hit him gently at first. Then harder and harder. He finally stopped.

Hey, smile for the camera. Try it. I can call the cops right now. I didn’t know how to defend myself then. I do now. Not such a tough guy now are you? Get a grip. Other people are not here FOR YOU.

You’re safe now. I got you. He can’t hurt you anymore. I won’t let him.

I was so angry at myself. For not being able to do more. For not being able to stop him from doing that to me. I blamed myself for being too weak. It is a horrible feeling, being the strongest that you could ever be and still being too weak. Knowing that if someone wanted to. There is nothing that you can do to protect yourself.

You did the best you could at the time. You don’t need strength to protect yourself when you have courage. You have it in you. It is not your fault that your mother did a number on you and didn’t teach you how to protect yourself from predators. You never stopped trying even when you knew he was stronger. That is not weakness. I’m proud of you for trying your best. ❤️

I didn’t even report him. I just dropped out of university. I didn’t want to ruin his life. I didn’t want everyone to turn against me. Even my adopted mother didn’t believe me. She made me describe the whole thing to her. And afterwards she questioned me. You’re lying. Your story changed, you said you told him no in different places.

Because I told him no the whole time. I never stopped telling him no. My story didn’t change. I just told him over and over again.

Why an earth would you say that to anyone? What is wrong with you?!? Why would you put this poor girl through describing it when she said she didn’t want to. You are retraumatising her! STOP ✋

You don’t have to do this sweetie. Let’s go. This is abuse. I’m not going to stand here and let her do this to you to satisfy her twisted ego. People deserve to be believed and supported through hardships. I’m not going to let you be alone with this hanging over your head. I’m going to take care of you and help you get through it. ❤️

She didn’t make an effort to take me to the police station and report it. She said it was my choice. She didn’t report it when it happened to her.

What teenager would be brave enough to report it? You needed her to stand up for you and be a grown up for once. I know it’s scary. But we can go together. You deserve to know what happened to you isn’t okay. You deserve for someone to have your back even when you can’t summon the strength to do it for yourself. I’ll help you through it and take care of everything. You don’t have to worry.

Look, statistically you made the right choice for the situation you were in. If you were in a different position, where you had a family that cared about you. They would have known when you didn’t get out of bed for two weeks that something was horribly wrong. It wouldn’t have taken as long and you could have reported it. It’s not your fault that the justice system is absolutely atrocious for failing to prosecute these things.

When I was a teenager, I started getting my period and my biological mother wanted me to use tampons. I didn’t want to. I had been using pads just fine.

Our bathroom door didn’t have a lock because she didn’t want us to have one.

Begrudgingly, I agreed to try a tampon. I refused to let her help me with it. Or show me. I didn’t want her anywhere near me.

I barricaded myself in the bathroom and did it myself. Ironically, my periods were too heavy and tampons were useless to me.

It was a screaming match. While I tried as hard as I could, with literally every bit of strength I had to hold the door closed to keep her out, whilst she tried to force her way in. Afterwards, when she finally gave up. I cried.

What the hell is your problem? Can’t you see that you are traumatising her? Get out right now before I call the police.

You can’t tell me what to do in my own house.

Yes, I can. *starts to dial*

Okay, I’m leaving.

She’s gone now. You’re safe. I’m right here. Take all the time you need. I’m not going to come into the bathroom. I’ll just be right here keeping you safe.

Please leave me alone.

I know you’re scared. I’m not going to leave you alone. But I’m not going to come in. I’m going to wait outside until you’re ready to come out. I’m not going to hug you or anything when you do. I’m not going to touch you. No one should be alone dealing with this c**p.

It makes me feel safe.

I know, but the best I can do is to stay outside of the room because it wouldn’t be right for me to leave you when you’re so scared. I’ll wait as long as it takes. I’m here for you. I don’t want to scare you. Is there anything that will help you to feel safe?

Music.

Okay. No problem, I can do that. 🎶🎷🎺

Thanks.

Is there anything else?

No, thanks. Is she really gone?

Yup. It’s just me out here. I won’t let her hurt you.

Promise?

Of course! I promise!

Okay. I’m coming out. But no touching.

Of course, I promise.

Is there anything you want?

I’m tired.

Okay, well we shouldn’t stay here. Do you want to go somewhere safe where she’ll never find you?

Nods.

Great! Let’s go then. ❤️

Hi Anita

Apologies, I’m not trying to ignore you. I’m not having the best time at the moment and I’ll have to come back to it when I’m feeling more stable.

Thank you for your kindness. I’m sorry that you went through these things too. ❤️

Hi Anita

Thanks, I understand ❤️