Home→Forums→Tough Times→anxiety, health and being hurt
- This topic has 479 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 10 months ago by
Anonymous.
-
AuthorPosts
-
February 13, 2018 at 5:37 am #192181
AnonymousGuestDear joanna:
I believe you are making progress (not beating yourself up) and am pleased to read about it. Regarding your self harming as a habit, it may be helpful to … do the habit, if you do, in very slow motion, that can be very helpful.
Will you share with me more about how your mother taught you “to be angry and to hate”?
anita
February 13, 2018 at 6:06 am #192193AnonymousGuest* didn’t reflect under Topics
February 13, 2018 at 12:32 pm #192289AnonymousInactiveDear Anita,
First of all thanks for asking about this. You don’t have to do this, obviously. She had always regrets towards people, and taught me the same; regret to my father that he’s been drinking, Everytime I was going to his place she “prepared me” to despise him, to have resentment, talked about how he didn’t pay money, how he never called me, how it was good we moved out etc. I know some was true but it was too overwhelming for me, and affected greatly my relationship with him and didn’t help me in any way. She just expressed all her anger to me. She also had an argument with her mother and didn’t speak her for 2 years, with her brother, with her sister and I remember everyday hearing conversations with her boyfriend who also hated his parents, threw his uncle out of his house, abandoned his children and talked how “they are stupid and don’t want to visit him because they want money from him”. I just grew up hearing how bad people are, but I guess I differentiated it then, I mean they didn’t teach me this, they were trying to teach me this but I was just rather observing and hearing this, that’s all. I remember once asking them (I was 12) “Why do you talk about people like that? You think you’re both so perfect?” lol that was funny at that time when I asked this, so silly, but I guess I would ask them the same now. Why do you do this. Whats the point of that. But she taught me the worst thing in my life that I fight everyday – hating myself. She used to tell me everyday I have thin hair, I’ll never grow long and thick hair, I don’t stand straight and I will have a hump,(she made me stay in a hospital for this which was the worst nightmare of my life), that I’m skinny and I don’t eat, that I lisp, which made me lisp ever more, she used to embarrass me in front of people saying “speak properly, don’t lisp” I sometimes cried when she did that. She used to make appointments to doctor who taught me to speak, which I did know how to speak I just lisp when I’m nervous. Do you understand that? I DO NOT lisp. I started to.
Thats why I self harm, I used to have damaged hair because I used to use so many products to make It look good, I sometimes dyed them once a week, I ruined my hair (now they’re okay). I ruined my face too which now looks okay since I realized it a year ago.
February 13, 2018 at 12:40 pm #192295AnonymousGuestDear joanna:
I want to read your recent post attentively tomorrow morning when I am back to the computer, in about fifteen hours or so. Will reply then. Take good care of yourself!
anita
February 14, 2018 at 4:26 am #192411AnonymousGuestDear joanna:
What you expressed in your most recent post is something very heavy in you, has weighed on you for so long and so intensely, that is why you thanked me for asking. I will quote and comment.
“Everytime I was going to his place she ‘prepared me’ to despise him…how he didn’t pay money, how..”-
when she did that, she prevented you from forming your own experiences with him. She forced her feelings, her experience on you. She took away from you the opportunity to your own relationship with your father.
You wrote that “She expressed all her anger to (you)”, that includes her anger toward her mother, her brother, her sister, etc., correct?
I think it caused you to believe that people are bad, not trustworthy, and you should be careful because people are bad and will hurt you (“I just grew up hearing how bad people are”).
A big problem is that the very person who taught you how bad everyone is was bad herself, treating you badly, hurting you.
So what she did was to hurt you on one hand and let you know, on the other, that everyone else will hurt you too. In other words, nowhere for you to go, no one to turn to. Alone in a hostile world.
You knew it on one level, that is why you made the comment to her/ her boyfriend: “You think you’re both so perfect?… I would ask them the sane now. Why do you do this. What’s the point of that”
I may be able to answer that, or suggest a good possibility for an answer because I have a similar experience with my mother (will share about it if you’d like). My suggested answer is that your mother expressed her anger at other people to you or in your presence because it felt good for her to vent. Your well-being was not her concern. Feeling better herself was her concern and her motivation.
She did not think: is this good or bad for my daughter. She felt angry and she vented.
She told you that you had thin hair that will never grow long and thick. There was nothing you could have done, upon hearing this, to change your hair. She said it because she felt like saying it.
She told you to stand straight. Was she concerned for your well-being, thinking that your life will be better if you have better posture? I doubt it because such a motivation is inconsistent with her comments about your hair and with venting her anger to you and in your presence. Your well-being was not her concern.
She told you that you are skinny and lisp. The fact that she told you these things is consistent with her telling other people how they are this and that (negative this and that), and telling you how other people are this and that. Her motivation was anger, anger at your father, anger at other people, anger at you.
A child is one mental unit with the mother, no separation. Her anger was your anger.
The thing with anger is that it doesn’t stay contained in a neat box, that is, your mother was angry at you-> you were angry at yourself.
What happened is that because your mother hurt you, you felt anger at her as well. It is only natural to feel anger at the one who hurts us repeatedly.
It is therefore possible that you a motivation in your self harm was to say something like this to your mother: see how much you hurt me! See what you are doing to me! See my pain?
I would like to read your thoughts and feelings about any part of my post here.
anita
February 16, 2018 at 11:22 am #192869AnonymousInactiveDear Anita,
This is very accurate: “My suggested answer is that your mother expressed her anger at other people to you or in your presence because it felt good for her to vent. Your well-being was not her concern. Feeling better herself was her concern and her motivation.
She did not think: is this good or bad for my daughter. She felt angry and she vented.” I think this pretty much sums up her behaviors towards me all my life. Same with the thing you wrote about my hair: I couldn’t change it, she just told me this to point this out that I have thin hair. Just wanted me to be aware of my flaw. She made sure I KNOW this. How sick is this? I cant understand it. Can you understand it? Can you really. Why would anyone do this? When I don’t like someone I’d tell them (theoretically): you’re stupid, you’re ugly, you’re fat. When I don’t like someone. So what does that mean here?
Well there’s one thing I always think about and never shared here, I always felt she was ashamed of me: that I lisp, that I didn’t stand straight and she was afraid how I’d look like when I grow up, that I’ll have ugly hair. She once told me that when I was 2 years old she shaved my head bald because she hoped my hair would grow thicker. She bullied me about this hair all my life. Funny thing is my hair looks pretty nice and aren’t that thin at all, now when I left them alone and grew them long people always say how pretty my hair looks. I don’t see it, I will never see my hair as beautiful because of her but I’m kind of aware they’re nice. or I should say I believe when people say that because they have no reason to lie, right? But I will never actually see it as pretty. Same with other things when I tell someone I lisp or did in the past they don’t believe me. People consider me as pretty and attractive which always amaze me because I see myself through her eyes. Now when I’m writing this I changing this bit by bit so thank you for this.
Isn’t that when you have a kid and he paints a pretty ugly picture you’re amazed and tell them how pretty it is? Or when you see your daughter in pink dress you tell her how she looks like a princess because in your eyes she does, doesn’t matter if she actually looks like a princess, it’s how you see her, right? so if you have a kid who seems by most people’s opinion ugly, too fat, too skinny, or even handicapped you still tell them you’re pretty, you’re smart, you’re the best in the world, you’re gonna be a president one day, even if you know they’re not but why would you tell them “you’re handicapped and worse than any kids, you’re short and skinny, you’ll never … this and that, just so you know”. I really cant understand that. Lol I have a cat and I tell him he’s the most beautiful cat in the world, even though he looks so ordinary and he’s fat. But why would I even care how he actually looks like.
You’re right, she was angry at people and telling all those angry things about them, and also telling those things to me. I dont understand that, why.
I dont quite understand my motivation to self harm, you know. I damaged my hair because she told me it’s ugly, but why did I do it. It’s like you paint a picture and someone says it’s ugly, you go and destroy it, throw it in the river, but why? Because you believe it’s ugly. Or because you’re angry someone doesn’t like it and they hurt your feelings because this picture was so important to you. I don’t know. Any thoughts? I don’t understand why I did it. I just felt the need to destroy what she said is ugly.
Last year I had an acne because of this picking of my face and she knew how bad I felt about it, and instead of saying “just come on, who cares what you face looks like, lets go for a burger or shopping, stop focusing on those things” , every morning she came to my room to see if my face looked better overnight. Well it didn’t. Sometimes she came and saw I’m sad and that it looks worse and didn’t even say anything. Disappointed in me? Why didn’t she say: just get your shit together, it’s just an acne, stop being depressed about it. She let me be depressed about it.
Of course, please share your experience with your mother, I’d be happy to know.
I talked to *this guy* yesterday and he said he would have came but turned out he’s busy at work and can’t leave. I didn’t even know he was planning it. We talked about nothing and he asked why I pretend and don’t say whats on my mind really, kind of provoked me. So I said Well Okay, I want to see you really bad. He sent me some pictures and said he wants to meet but doesn’t know when since he works 12h a day. (And has a girlfriend but he didn’t actually say this and never talks about her). And we started to talk like we used to in the past, sex mostly. He seems excited when talking to me. Normally I would feel excited too for someone I love and missed so much but here I have to try really hard to suppress my feelings. I just talk to him, feels nice and then there’s evening and he stops texting.. And I know he sleeps with her and I’m here thinking about him. So what to do with those emotions, I have to suppress them I guess. Sorry If you’re disappointed in me, I could have hidden the fact I talked to him but whats the point. I guess I’m weak. Anyway I’m not even sure we’ll meet so at this point just overwhelming emotions I can’t express or deal with, that’s all.
I woke up to a panic attack second time this week. Maybe it’s because I get up at 7 three times a week, and it makes me nervous or maybe it’s because life’s been overwhelming again. I get only two feelings recently: being miserable he’s gone and feeling overwhelmed because he’s back for I don’t know how long. I remember all the things we talked about here, I didn’t forget them. I feel stuck and afraid to feel anything now. Just a little update. I’m okay, don’t want to overreact, just a little overwhelmed.
February 17, 2018 at 7:40 am #192955AnonymousGuestDear joanna:
I didn’t know you posted yesterday because your name didn’t reflect under Topics. When it happens to me I add a second post (“didn’t reflect under Topics”) and my second post almost always fixes the problem.
Regarding your recent post: no, I am not disappointed in you that you talked to the guy, or for any reason, not in any way, shape or form.
Regarding your mother’s comment about your hair: was her hair thin? Did she ever comment to you about her hair or other people’s hair, besides yours?
In your second paragraph you wrote that you can’t understand this, why she would hurt you this way, basically. I think that it is so hard for a child who needs her mother so much to understand how the mother can so cruelly disregard this need, how she can misuse her great power so carelessly. I will get back to this.
I will share with you some things about my mother and me. You can let me know what is true to you and what is not.
I was angry at my mother for so long that I … forgot that I ever loved her, didn’t want to feel that early love, didn’t want to see that it was still there.
I disliked her for so long, I didn’t want to see that I worshipped her before, that there was no one more important to me than her, that if only she liked me, I would have been okay with any and all her inadequacies.. if only she liked me.
My mother didn’t like me.
There is nothing I needed and wanted more, in the whole wide world, than my mother to like me, to look at me with a smile that communicated: I like who you are. I am happy that you are in my life. You are making my life better for being in it.
My mother didn’t like me and it hurt a whole lot. If only, if only she liked me. I needed that so badly. Oh, how different my life would have been if she liked me.
It never happened.
When I think about the people she did like, I think of this one woman she liked. That woman had a good posture I think. My mother said that woman was just like a woman should be. I remember that woman one day… she had everyone leave the house because she was about to attend to her son, 12 year old son. So everyone, adults (my mother wasn’t there if I remember correctly) and children waited outside the house. The door was locked as she attended to her son, beating him up with something that made noise, a belt maybe, a whip of some sort. I heard him scream. Heard nothing she said to him, she said nothing. Heard the whip and his screams. It went on for a long time.
There was another woman my mother liked, a medical doctor with a great posture and always made up well, dressed and all, with the proper social manners, lady like. That woman cheated on her husband a whole lot, was not generous with others, but she had a good posture and good manners. I remember my mother expressed shock when she observed this woman whom she admired spitting into her kitchen sink, something contradicting my mother’s admiration of the woman’s record of good manners.
Back to you: what did your mother value and who are the people that she did like?
(There is more in your recent post that I want to attend to, later).
anita
February 17, 2018 at 11:15 am #192997AnonymousInactiveDear Anita,
Okay, I read all that you wrote. I didn’t expect that, that was a bit shocking. My mother valued her father, he was a decent man, no one would say a bad word about him. Always did the right things, was humble, good father and husband, survived the war and appreciated every moment. But he wasn’t perfect, he was worshipped by his wife (my grandma) and couldn’t do anything around the house. But as I said, a decent and humble man. She values family, people with rules. People who bring up their children well. People who are well behaved and clean after themselves. She always says I never clean and I have a mess in my room. And people who have money, yes she respects people who have a lot of money. (Truth is I like to clean, I just hate it because she always tells me to do it and complains I never do it. When I’m alone I like to clean, and I like to have everything tidy in my room but I hate that I have to clean the kitchen for her to be pleased so -> I hate cleaning, I almost never do it, she complains ->I hate it, I never do it. I don’t know if you understand it.)
When I think about it, she didn’t have problems with anyone hair, but you have a point in asking about this because she always had a problem with looks. Said once that a boy told her she’s ugly when she was 15 or something. Or that her mother made her wear ugly coat and she hated it. She really cared about looks, still does. She says often no-one at work noticed she had a new dress, or new shoes. She cares a lot about makeup and clothes, it’s a big part of her life. She often says she doesn’t understand how someone can be fat, and not want to lose weight. or that someone looks bad, or old. When I brought home friends who were fat or not good looking I always knew what she might think, she never told it obviously but I knew. Once I was going to a party with a boy, she was so excited, almost like I would marry him or something. She got mad at me that I’m not ironing a dress or putting makeup and it was late, like an hour left to go. She literally got mad at me and didn’t speak to me because she was angry I don’t treat it seriously enough. I changed my mind then and chose a casual dress instead of smart one, just to show her how I care about being serious. I also barely put makeup on just to show her. She always talked about the day I would get married, like she dreamed about it, it was her dream. I think she would “like” me (I’ll use your word because it suits here too) if I worn smart clothes and was married, and had a lot of money. I’m almost sure she would treat me better and respect me.
I recognize a lot in what you wrote, I may not apply to this in details but I recognize it. The part “If only she liked me”. Funny I always blamed my father for ignoring me, which he did but as we talked earlier. she bullied me and he was my only hope. I thank you for this. Can you tell me more about your mother? If you want to of course. Are some things I said similar to yours?
February 17, 2018 at 11:31 am #193003AnonymousGuestDear Joanna:
Our communication here is very emotional for me, it hits home hard. This is why I need to take a break now (it is also approaching the time of the day when I usually take a break). My goodness, this really hits home, literally. And by “home” I don’t mean a pleasant place. It was not.
Will be back in about sixteen hours or so. Post more before that, if you would like. First thing in the morning my brain is fresh and much more capable than it is now. I will then read your recent post again and anything else you might post by then, if you do.
anita
February 17, 2018 at 12:09 pm #193013AnonymousInactiveDear Anita,
I didn’t want to cause you any unpleasant thoughts, If I did, I’m sorry. I understand if you need a break this must have been too much, I really apologize, if I, not on purpose of course, made you feel too emotional. We don’t need to talk about this particular topic anymore here.
February 18, 2018 at 4:19 am #193065AnonymousGuestDear joanna:
You apologized to me but you did nothing wrong. I invited you to talk about your mother, asked you a question. There is absolutely nothing you did wrong to me, nothing to apologize for. And I do want to talk more about this, absolutely. It is helping me and I do hope it helps you. Let me know when it doesn’t.
You wrote: “I think she would ‘like’ me.. if I worn smart clothes and was married, and had a lot of money. I’m almost sure she would treat me better and respect me.”-
if during childbirth you were born to her not a baby but a grown woman, not naked but dressed in smart clothes, not single but married, and with a computer chip carrying the details of a brand new and huge bank account, then she would have liked you. Of course, extra thick hair too. And make up.
When you were born a baby, naked, hair messy and uneven, in need to be cleaned (and you didn’t clean after yourself!), no computer chip with the information of a big bank account etc., .. you were unsatisfactory to your mother. A thing with lots of flaws.
You wrote:”She used to tell me everyday I have thin hair, I’ll never grow long and thick hair, I don’t stand straight and I will have a hump, (she made me stay in a hospital for this which was the worst nightmare of my life), that I’m skinny… that I lisp…. She used to make appointments to doctor who taught me to speak… She .. just told me this to point this out that I have thin hair. Just wanted me to be aware of my flaw. She made sure I KNOW this. ..She often says she doesn’t understand how someone can be fat, and not want to lose weight, or that someone looks bad, or old”
Your mother had and has a lifetime, strong and persistent motivation to let people know of their flaws, they have to know!
She knew that you didn’t remember her shaving your head at two. She had to let you know later that your hair was so very flawed that she .. had to shave it.
You asked: “How sick is this? I can’t understand it. Can you understand it? Can you really. Why would anyone do this?.. So what does that mean here?”
I will give you my best understanding: in her childhood, her flaws were pointed out to repeatedly, she got very hurt, very angry, but did not express her anger, pushed it down.
Her father was probably not that “decent man”, at least not with her. “no one would say a bad word about him”, but your mother had lots of bad words to say about how he treated her. But she didn’t say those words to him or to her own mother who worshipped this man. No one said a bad word about this humble man who survived the war. (Her mother might have been the one pointing to her faults, I am guessing as to who of her parents did what).
As a teenager she dreamed about leaving that home, leaving her parents, and was very excited about the prospect of getting married. That excitement is what you had a peak at when you went to a party with a boy.
She had no one to talk to as a child, her anger repressed. Becoming your mother was her opportunity to talk plenty, to express her anger plenty. She took on her father’s (or mother’s) role and has been pointing your faults to you at every opportunity, fueled by her rage.
She also points flaws to others whenever her safety is not threatened by doing so, and if it does, she will tell a third person about their flaws.
Obsessed and consumed by real and imagined flaws, she keeps expressing bits and pieces of that early unresolved rage. This is a classical tale of abuse- the abused becoming an abuser, expressing the anger of the abused by taking on the role of her abuser.
Let me know what you think.
anita
February 18, 2018 at 5:58 am #193105AnonymousInactiveDear Anita
That’s perfectly true. I didn’t even tell you rest of the details, You fill in yourself. I’m speechless. Yes she wanted to get away from her parents, and yes grandpa wasn’t that perfect and decent, was probably cold to her. Also it’s true about the excitement with the wedding and kids being born, she is obsessed with people who get married, with girls getting married, I see she’s amazed when someone find a husband, she can’t even hide her excitement. You can’t even imagine this excitement, trust me. That’s why she got so angry I didn’t iron this dress, too much emotions for her and shouldn’t deal with them, so overwhelming. When I talk about my friends getting married I see her expression, how she wants to hide it. One time I told her when she watched weddings and brides choosing dresses on tv ” You really like weddings, don’t you” She got angry at me, that I want to annoy her or something. It’s a sensitive topic.
I know this is true, I mean maybe deep down I knew but I haven’t realized until you told me all this. I noticed myself when I worked with kids and they made me angry I sometimes I yelled at them and was very unpleasant, more than it “required” me to. but at this time I already knew meditation and self improvement and kind of tried to understand: “gosh why am I angry when this kid cant remember one little thing I repeat over and over, is he stupid or what, that makes me so angry, I hate this kid, I want to slap him or beat him” – it scared me because I knew it triggered me way too much. I wanted to not feel this anger, and yes, I realized WHERE DOES IT COME FROM. I felt her anger at me during my childhood so I automatically hated any other kids. I had the period in my life when I thought I hated kids, now I can say I fixed this, I still work with kids and I enjoy it. I’d say I never feel anger at them specifically even when days are bad, I never lose patience or yell – never ever. I sometimes am annoyed but I know anger comes within me and it’s not the kid who causes it. See how it works?Just the way you told me: the abused becoming abuser, automatically, yes, but in the long term you have to want this, don’t you agree?
Did this happen to you?
The thing is: how can she be over 60 years old and not aware of those things? Did you mother ever wanted to improve relations with you or any other people, because I assume her other relationship would be affected too. Please answer if you feel comfortable to.
I noticed recently (thanks to those conversations, and my own thinking) what I wrote earlier that I will always have an issue with my hair, always. I sometimes see other people how they don’t even care if they wash their hair and thought how is that even possible. I will always care about it – whether I damage them (which I no longer do) or whether I grow them long and thick – which I succeed, but I will never NOT CARE or not remember if I washed it today or yesterday, that’s just ridiculous, because everyday there is one thing sure: checking my hair and my face, how it looks like. And not because of being vain, but because of insecurity. Anyway, I’m noticing improvement in this as I am more aware. Maybe it’ll change a bit in the future. Do you feel similar about anything?
There is also one more thing about this cleaning for example. She never taught me to clean or be tidy, what she did was pointing out I don’t clean. The difference, right? She never tells me one simple thing: Do the dishes. I’d do this, because why wouldn’t I? No, what she did was: Why didn’t you clean the dishes?Why you NEVER do this? Why are you so untidy? (all the questions regarding one situation-the dishes). Making me feel guilty, what’s funny it never motivated me, on the contrary, I started to hate it because it had such a negative connection, feeling guilty. So yes, I agree with this expressing anger, she looks for the reason to finally being able to express this anger she hid through her childhood, anger she could never express to her parents.
So what next if I know all this. I still have to process it, you know. I guess today I realized it’s not all my fault, that my hair is okay and I need to slowly learn to leave it alone,because chances are my hair is already perfect, that I’m a tidy person because my room looks tidy and that’s good enough, that I don’t lisp because no one ever noticed that except one person, and maybe I’m not as flawed as I see myself. Maybe I’m realizing this not consciously already because as I told you before my self harming reduced to about 20% and I do it not automatically but fully aware so it’s way better, and it’s okay for me at this point. 3 years ago I burnt a spot on my face with acid cream, fortunately it healed but sometimes when it’s cold I still see the red spot. I’m happy I would never ever do that to myself again, but it took me a long journey.
February 18, 2018 at 7:09 am #193137AnonymousGuestDear joanna:
You wrote: “She never taught me to clean or be tidy, what she did was pointing out I don’t clean… She never tells me.. Do the dishes… No, what she did say was: Why didn’t you clean the dishes? Why you NEVER do this? Why are you so untidy?… it never motivated me.
Of course it didn’t motivate you. Let’s look at your mother’s motivation: it was not to motivate you to clean and be tidy. Her motivation, as I mentioned the other day, was to vent, or in other words, to express that repressed anger I mentioned in my earlier post to you this morning.
And so, she succeeded: she released some of that anger (something she will continue to need to do again and again). She did not succeed in motivating you not because she aimed at that and didn’t know the effective way to achieve it. It was not her aim, not her motivation.
You wrote: “in the long term you have to want this (to abuse), don’t you agree? Did this happen to you?”
Yes, the abuser does want to abuse, that is to hurt another person. The motivation behind anger is to hurt, to harm. That is so naturally, in the animal world: anger motivates to hurt and harm.
Yes, it happened to me. Regarding the cleaning: I got to say, same story here, identical to what you described in your recent post.
You asked: “how can she be over 60 years old and not aware of those things? Did your mother ever wanted to improve relations with you or any other people…?”
I can’t read anyone’s mind, of course, including my mother’s. What I do know is the following: no one is more invested than a child to believe the best about her mother, to believe that she intends well, to believe that underneath she is loving, to believe that she is only misguided, doing the best with what she has and on and on. And I know that there is one very crucial element here and that is lack of value. My mother didn’t value me, I was not a person of value to her.
I was a thing with flaws, unsatisfactory. Not because in reality I was unsatisfactory, or more flawed than any other human, but nonetheless, to her I was that thing with flaws, unsatisfactory, guilty of those flaws, deserving punishment for those flaws.
anita
February 18, 2018 at 7:19 am #193139AnonymousGuestDear Joanna:
An after thought, regarding your question, “Did your mother ever wanted to improve relations with you”- I don’t think a person is motivated to improve a relationship with something that they do not value.
I was motivated to fix my relationship with her because I valued her, wanted nothing more than her approval. She did not need my approval.
anita
February 18, 2018 at 8:04 am #193157AnonymousInactiveDear Anita
What I wanted to ask you is: did knowing all this help you at some point? Did it give you any relief or progress, improving? I know you told me before it calmed your anger.
I must say it gives me, a little bit. Because as you said I’m not an unsatisfactory person. I had a misfortune to be a child of a person who expressed her anger on me. All the things she pointed out to me now I’m starting to revalue and review again. In the past when she told me for example: why did you put this *something* in here? why do you always. why are you like that.when will you ever learn to.how many times do I have to tell you (again those questions regarding only one situation of putting something in wrong place) and after that not speaking to me for a day or two as a punishment for a kind of person that I am, I used to cry and self harm, and be miserable. Now I sometimes tell a friend about it but mostly I’m just: okay, going on with my life, I have nothing to do with this, can’t do anything about it. I once told her: well this is the way I do things, different than you, doesn’t mean it’s worse, I just don’t follow your rules to do this and that because I have my own already. It gave me some freedom. I plan to always do this and speak my mind. What do you think about confronting such a person, is not contacting better in a way it’s more like giving up and letting go? Is confronting a waste of energy (expressing anger – in a bad way) or is it a way of dealing and closure?
-
AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 