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Anxious around partner

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  • #334227
    apple-slice
    Participant

    Hey guys. I hope you are all doing well

    I wanted to voice some concerns i have regarding my relationship. I’ve been with this guy for about 9 months now (we are ldr) We havent seen each other for a few months because of his current job but we will soon. We’ve been kinda struggling in the relationship lately because we both have insecurities and some mental health issues and he revealed to me that he feels anxious when we have facebook calls/cam. He said sometimes its hard to hang out with me because he feels anxious. The weird thing is that I feel the exact same way. He told me that its because of his own mental health issues and not because of me but i dont know if its true. I know he wouldnt lie to me but maybe he doesnt know for sure either? Its strange because when we were together (we’ve only had the chance to see each other once for a few days so far) we both immediately felt very comfortable with each other (doesnt happen often for either of us) to the point where we got intimate and we both are shy people who have never done anything sexual with anyone else. We couldnt keep our hands off each other and we also had great conversation and couldn’t wait to see each other. So i don’t know what is going on. We’ve also shared the most intimate secrets and insecurities we have and have supported each other in tough times (we were online friends for a while)

    He’s a great and caring person, ofc he has his flaws but i accept him as he is and we’ve agreed to try to fix the things that make the other feel bad.

    We both love each other and want to work things out but I have no idea what to do. I think we might have put too many expectations on each other or we feel afraid that the other person isnt going to like us for who we are. We both want to appear perfect in front of each other. Which makes no sense because we know the most vulnerable parts of each other. So i dont know what the explanation could be or what steps we could take to make things better.

    Anyways thanks to the people who read this, i hope youre having a nice evening.

     

    #334315
    anita
    Participant

    Dear apple-slice:

    I suggest that you practice moderation in how much and how often you share with him about your anxiety. This way, you will feel some relief sharing with him and at the same time, you will not share too much and overwhelm him, and in so doing, elevating his own anxiety. If he does the same for you, it will work well for the two of you.

    anita

    #334335
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi apple-slice,

    I for one HATE Facebook calls and Skype, etc.

    Only my beloved children am I relaxed for about video chats.

    But I hate viewing my best friends, my sister, etc. I don’t know why either. Maybe I don’t think I look “great” or I’m not photogenic. Another of my friends is NOT photogenic. He always looks like a creeper when he video chats. He looks like Jabba the Hut, only Jabba is more attractive.

    Give both of you a break and just CALL. Then when you see each other in person it will be awesome.

    Best,

    Inky

    #334415
    Valora
    Participant

    I agree with Inky. I hate video calls. I hate phone calls, too. haha. They both make me feel anxious and I’ve never quite understood why. My last boyfriend and I were semi-LDR because we lived about 25 minutes away from each other and could only see each other on weekends for the most part due to work. We only communicated through text during the week. We dated for 2 years and I think we only video chatted one time when I was on vacation with my family, and I was extremely anxious during that call, even though I loved the guy to pieces. My anxiety really had nothing at all to do with him.

    So I think the easiest thing to do here is to not video chat. Do just regular phone calls instead.

    I can also see how you two are feeling anxious and maybe a little insecure about seeing each other since it’s been a while. Part of you may be wondering if it will be comfortable like it was the last time or if you will feel awkward, and not knowing for sure can make you feel anxious. I wouldn’t make any relationship decisions based on that feeling and just try to remember that it’s more likely you will feel comfortable since that’s how you felt the first time. Then just see how it goes!

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