anyone have tips on changing a negative mindset into POSITIVE?

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This topic has 6 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 8 months ago by Nekoshema.

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February 21, 2016 at 10:01 pm #96716

Reagan
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how to start thinking positive? I google this every day, I even have a “how to be an optimist” self help book! but I still think negatively ALWAYS. my parents are super negative as well, yelling all the time and complaining. I think I’m turning into them. I don’t want to turn into them. I want to love my life! I want to be grateful and cherish every day! I want to smile and find the good in every situation! I feel like someone out there could help me

February 21, 2016 at 10:43 pm #96721

Anonymous
Inactive

Reagan,

I’m so sorry to know this. Is there a friend or person that deeply cares about you, that has a house with an extra bedroom that you can stay with or live with rent free for a year or 2 years, until you get on your feet again?

February 22, 2016 at 4:15 am #96735

HippieChick
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I recently read the book “Feeling Good” by David Burns. It’s meant for people with depression but gives great advice and exercises for dealing with your more negative thoughts. It’s really changed how I think (and I used to call myself a pessimistic pessimist 🙁 ). My local library actually had it. I hope that helps!

February 22, 2016 at 5:22 am #96738

skm0025
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Sorry to hear that you’re struggling with negativity, Reagan!! I find myself feeling better about my life when I go for walks or drive around town with my music blaring (LOL). Maybe you should just get out of town for the weekend. Traveling alone can really help find yourself and open your mind. Read a book outside and enjoy nature. Go see a movie by yourself. Go shopping but don’t buy anything. Go do things that people normally don’t do alone. Try to do things that keep your mind off of the negative.

February 22, 2016 at 7:01 am #96743

Jonny
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I recently watched a talk online where Shawn Achor outlines the benefits of making changes to think more positive. If you have about 30 minutes to spare it’s called The Life-Altering Power of a Positive Mind. One of the things he suggested that I will try for the next couple of weeks is everyday for two minutes to write three things down that you are thankful for. After 21 days, he says the brain begins to shift from a pessimistic outlook to a positive. I can say from experience that looking for the positive in each day does help. While it might not make instant changes it does welcome a sense of peace to challenge whatever negativity you are facing.

February 22, 2016 at 4:28 pm #96820

Luckygrl7
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Hi. I’ve spent most of my life feeling the same way so you aren’t alone. I am not completely optimistic by any means, but I found that by noticing, challenging and correcting my thoughts it helped in some ways. I can at least identify a pessimistic thought and view and challenge it. Trying to make myself become an optimistic seemed more like committing a crime against myself and only made things worse for me since I somehow equated optimistic thoughts with expectations, I was perpetually let down lol. It also didn’t work well with black and white or all/nothing thinking.

Hypnosis and subliminal audio helped with addressing my thinking. I would love to check out the book “Feeling Good”.

I did try the daily gratitude thing for a few years and it was of no benefit for me and I don’t think it changed my brain. Many days, I am grateful for air, a horrible miserable job and a running vehicle despite the engine lights being on, usually the same items each day but I did find it was a good exercise. I think it fostered a tendency to try to find something to be grateful for when I feel miserable and everything is wrong. I still use an app on my phone daily, it is called Happy Habits I think.

Now, about your parents. I can relate to that as well. The parents and family are so negative and hateful. They always have been. I’ve resorted to avoiding them and trying to minimize time spent around them (brings me down so much).

February 23, 2016 at 7:38 am #96886

Nekoshema
Participant

It takes time. Try journaling and meditating to get through your thoughts, notice any thought patterns or triggers and try to reframe them.

Affirmations and positive phrases can help but you need to be in the right head space. I remember rolling my eyes at a lot of affirmations [still do] but after a while you may find one or two that help you.

I would also try cutting out negative things and people. Make a few exceptions if you love them [say a best friend or a website that makes you laugh] but really think about how it makes you feel. Facebook for example, it’s great to stay in touch with old friends, but it’s a time sucking vortex and a place filled with negativity as well as perfect pictures of happy people which can make you feel bad you can’t go on this amazing trip, have that body, or be with this person. Try to find what leaves you sluggish and down and cut ties with those things. Be sure to replace them with things that make you smile!

I also suggest eating right and exercising. I guess this falls into mindfulness, but like with situations, websites and people, observe your energy and mood through the day, did you feel happy after sitting outside? Did you feel drained after eating a bag of chips watching tv? Life is balance, find the perfect balance for you.
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