Well I like you pomplemous, if that’s enough [also watch the swears. I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble] I kind of know what you’re going through, not being 100% sure about stuff and feeling a fraud when things go well. You might need professionals to help but TinyBuddha is a very friendly, open, and helpful community who [as I feel] just wants you to find joy inside and shine for the world. [Corny line, I’m in a really good mood] we could help each other out if you’d like.

Hi pomplemous,

Don’t worry. When I first joined I said “THE WRONG THING” and one particular regular at the time did NOT like it and let me know it!! LOL! But there is no one like that in the group now. We are all questioners, seekers, receivers and gently tough advice givers.

YES you are safe here! It seems me and Anita are constant regulars. I only post once a day and Anita will ask you leading questions. My advice sometimes is NOT popular, but over the past year I’ve found a way to phrase my thoughts so it’s gentle, short and (hopefully) meaningful.

You have YOUR voice. And I for one am open to what you are saying and how you’re saying it.

What I’m saying is: “APPROVED”! 🙂

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by Inky.

Dear pomplemous:

I used to get all confused: I so often- maybe always- felt WRONG/ DISAPPROVED and disapprove-able that I couldn’t tell the difference between what I should change and what I shouldn’t change- everything I thought and felt and did, most often, felt just wrong. The stink, so to speak, was everywhere, permeated everything.

This website here is financed by adds and e-books and the financial owner of this website is in practice the owner. I suppose that for as long as any particular poster seems to encourage others to post, start threads and comment on an ongoing basis, then that particular person is approved by the financial owner and manager of this website. I have posted here a whole lot for months and I understand that at any one time I may be rejected- by owner (not to mention by participants). I think this is a basic realistic view.

How much does it scare me? I ask. Not much. My participation here is about helping myself. Not others. It is about ME. It is about me being authentic, real, unguarded. It is about me healing.

And I know that healing is about interactions and relationships that are Win-Win, so naturally I aim at win-win interactions here. Of course I want to help, this is the matching part to me helping myself.

When I wrote to you that I was offended by your comment that I should eat a burger, I did so as part of my own healing, being assertive, honoring my feelings. I did so after a short evaluation (short in this case being a simple one) that the message I perceive in your comment is valid as the cause for my offense. Then I told you and you apologized and I graciously accepted, authentically accepted and thanked you for it.

Interestingly enough, this was not the end of the story for you. It must be that you read much more into it than there was, more condemnation, rejection, even self loathing…. I suppose.

You write that you love yourself and sometimes you do, maybe often you do, maybe much more than you used to- but not at the start of this thread. It is a process, this self love, self attending to, slowly, gradually.

This whole healing process is at times excruciatingly slow. I wish it was an easy ride from one point on, but it is not.

I often fear attack, just now for a moment, I feared your attack. As you are afraid of me, or where afraid of me at one time, I was just then afraid of you attacking me in a future post.

I am focusing now on being me in spite to that fear I just mentioned, THIS fear, that is. I know fear very well, feel it in my chest right now. It is not going anywhere really. Got to find a way to live with it. I can tell you one way I will NOT live with it- and that way is compromising my authenticity, my integrity so to please another. Ah- the uselessness, the waste in that way!

One more thing: I realize now that lately I “clicked” with Jack and formed- from my end- a click with Jack and I disapprove of that doing on my part. I think that such doing is childish (not in the good way)- forming a “cool kids” club that exclude the “no so cool kids.” And I am not going to do that anymore. Forming clicks in a website like this is probably not good for business either, it being excluding (the win-win desired aspect of it all).

Once in a while I like this or that post: for example I liked Inky’s post above, just stating it, but I need not try to form a “cool kids club” with Inky. Enough for now, I think…

anita

Dear Inky:

Most often there is a back story, oh how many back stories there are, as many as there are people and topics of discourse. Often the backstory is bigger than the story. One needs not, if I may be so bold, ever underestimate the backstory!

anita

Pamplemous, (wow that is hard to spell 🙂 ) please read this carefully and go to the end because it may not sound reassuring at first but I promise it gets there:

I had a feeling you were drunk-posting when I read this the other day- the comment about the wine might have given you away :). Drunkness and drinking are topics that bring up some tough feelings for me, because I grew up with an alcoholic parent. Reading the way your sentences were put together was even a little emotionally triggering for me. But here’s the thing. Watching my parent heal from this, and be humbled, and humiliated, and face her shame over and over again as she finally got treatment for her addiction, has made me a softer person. I used to hate her flaws because we all pretended things were perfect in my family, when we all knew they weren’t. A parent above all is someone we look up to as ‘perfect’ as a kid. She wasn’t- but it was that admission of imperfection that finally carried her into a new, healed, sober life.

Now when I see someone who admits their flaws, I feel warmth. Relaxation. Safety, because the people brave enough to admit their shortcomings are usually more sane and compassionate than those who live in denial. I know you didn’t ask for this big backstory, but I just want you to know, from a very real place in my heart, that you don’t have to be perfect to be here.

Dear Jack: I wrote it was ME that was in the clique with you, from my end, not you cliquing (yes, made up verb) me but me cliquing you, so of course no need for you to apologize. i didn’t apologize myself, just reviewed my motives. It was me who wanted you to like me a bit too much. I thought YOU were cool- so feel free to be flattered.

And jessa: I am almost embarrassed by my comment to you about dusting yourself off. My comment assumes you are less evolved than you are, as i read your comment on this thread.

And where is pomolemous???
anita