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  • This topic has 17 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • #84029
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Please may I ask: is it OK for me to be here? Like..I … I know it’s an open forum and I can see how welcome everyone is here but does that include me?

    Um… like.. sometimes I say stuff when I’m not thinking and sometimes I say stuff and I mediated know I have to apologise in a minute and I often talk about my own experiences but that’s why I’m here. Like I want to help and challenge and be a support to people and I feel ok here but please may I ask if I’m safe here?

    This place is secret to me. I won’t tell anyone. Please may I ask if it’d ok to be here and please may I ask anyone who feels wronged by my cattter to say so because I feel warm here and wuld really like to stay. Ha.self doubt pomp

    If I stay I’m going to ask you to read through it typos

    #84030
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Ok so let’s be clear. Small phone. Can’t see whole sentences. Fast typer. Relies on autocorrect. Not sorry.

    #84031
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Like… I don’t know who i am just like no one else does. I’ve learnt that’s ok. That’s human nature . I cringe at myself more often than not bit I’ve learnt to celebrate the small things . Hey you’re having a nice hair day today. Am I? Yeah come yo the mirror with me and have a look . Oh yeah. …
    I never meet people since school who hate me. Everyone loves my company but I feel like a fraud but maybe. Just maybe. Those feelings if being a fraud are the fraudulent feelings . No one ever says no to me but when they do in feel utmost respect like I’ve been wishing for that. Some constructive criticism thank you Anita. They don’t say no to me not because I’m forceful but because I’m shiny and loving but I’m an actual proper eejit . Scottish word. I can’t grow without a NO .

    Stuff like .. I’m so proud of myself for losing so much weight . First time I’ve been this thin without being a smack addict and yet I hide myself in shit clothes because I can’t believe it don’t trust that I’m not fat anymore and don’t have the confidence that I’m not fat anymore just in case it’s not real. Then no one will know.

    Like…I need to help people but I’m neglecting myself . .. but then here I am in a place whee it’s ok to talk and help myself …

    Ot sounds superficial.

    We all have worries. I feel like o need you to know what o look like. Please may o feel safe to do that as it’s important to.me. Um. .. its ok to have self doubt. It’s humbling. I’m a fuck up.according to society but I love me. I’m proud of me. But no one is safe from self doubt. It’s human nature

    #84033
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Ps. I drank that whole bottle of wine and u feel utterly revolted in myself but equally, MORE, o feel an amazing sense if me-time and self love .
    Supper and bed for girls.

    #84036
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Well I like you pomplemous, if that’s enough [also watch the swears. I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble] I kind of know what you’re going through, not being 100% sure about stuff and feeling a fraud when things go well. You might need professionals to help but TinyBuddha is a very friendly, open, and helpful community who [as I feel] just wants you to find joy inside and shine for the world. [Corny line, I’m in a really good mood] we could help each other out if you’d like.

    #84058
    Jessa
    Participant

    It’s okay to just be, here. We’re not all the same but there’s an understanding that we’re all imperfect here, and that’s just fine. It’s okay to have self-doubt. You titled this post “approval” but what I think you really need is acceptance. Self-doubt is a flaw; we’ll care for you anyway. We’re all struggling through something.

    #84078
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi pomplemous,

    Don’t worry. When I first joined I said “THE WRONG THING” and one particular regular at the time did NOT like it and let me know it!! LOL! But there is no one like that in the group now. We are all questioners, seekers, receivers and gently tough advice givers.

    YES you are safe here! It seems me and Anita are constant regulars. I only post once a day and Anita will ask you leading questions. My advice sometimes is NOT popular, but over the past year I’ve found a way to phrase my thoughts so it’s gentle, short and (hopefully) meaningful.

    You have YOUR voice. And I for one am open to what you are saying and how you’re saying it.

    What I’m saying is: “APPROVED”! 🙂

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Inky.
    #84080
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Oh angels haha – inky I like your name – makes me think of the song Inky Sea: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JxwSMUd6E8
    a beautiful song.

    Thank you so much – those were the ramblings of the drunk girl .. um. oops. and yes I can talk nonsense and put peoples’ backs up accidentally but Ill always back down and apologise – I feel my fingers move sometimes and think oh I’m going to have to apologise for this in a minute.

    this morning my first thought was ARGH!! I put myself out there – must retreat! get off the website!! but that was a reaction not a response.

    Thank you all. I shll no longer swear too – I don’t swear in real life but only when I mean it

    #84087
    anita
    Participant

    Dear pomplemous:

    I used to get all confused: I so often- maybe always- felt WRONG/ DISAPPROVED and disapprove-able that I couldn’t tell the difference between what I should change and what I shouldn’t change- everything I thought and felt and did, most often, felt just wrong. The stink, so to speak, was everywhere, permeated everything.

    This website here is financed by adds and e-books and the financial owner of this website is in practice the owner. I suppose that for as long as any particular poster seems to encourage others to post, start threads and comment on an ongoing basis, then that particular person is approved by the financial owner and manager of this website. I have posted here a whole lot for months and I understand that at any one time I may be rejected- by owner (not to mention by participants). I think this is a basic realistic view.

    How much does it scare me? I ask. Not much. My participation here is about helping myself. Not others. It is about ME. It is about me being authentic, real, unguarded. It is about me healing.

    And I know that healing is about interactions and relationships that are Win-Win, so naturally I aim at win-win interactions here. Of course I want to help, this is the matching part to me helping myself.

    When I wrote to you that I was offended by your comment that I should eat a burger, I did so as part of my own healing, being assertive, honoring my feelings. I did so after a short evaluation (short in this case being a simple one) that the message I perceive in your comment is valid as the cause for my offense. Then I told you and you apologized and I graciously accepted, authentically accepted and thanked you for it.

    Interestingly enough, this was not the end of the story for you. It must be that you read much more into it than there was, more condemnation, rejection, even self loathing…. I suppose.

    You write that you love yourself and sometimes you do, maybe often you do, maybe much more than you used to- but not at the start of this thread. It is a process, this self love, self attending to, slowly, gradually.

    This whole healing process is at times excruciatingly slow. I wish it was an easy ride from one point on, but it is not.

    I often fear attack, just now for a moment, I feared your attack. As you are afraid of me, or where afraid of me at one time, I was just then afraid of you attacking me in a future post.

    I am focusing now on being me in spite to that fear I just mentioned, THIS fear, that is. I know fear very well, feel it in my chest right now. It is not going anywhere really. Got to find a way to live with it. I can tell you one way I will NOT live with it- and that way is compromising my authenticity, my integrity so to please another. Ah- the uselessness, the waste in that way!

    One more thing: I realize now that lately I “clicked” with Jack and formed- from my end- a click with Jack and I disapprove of that doing on my part. I think that such doing is childish (not in the good way)- forming a “cool kids” club that exclude the “no so cool kids.” And I am not going to do that anymore. Forming clicks in a website like this is probably not good for business either, it being excluding (the win-win desired aspect of it all).

    Once in a while I like this or that post: for example I liked Inky’s post above, just stating it, but I need not try to form a “cool kids club” with Inky. Enough for now, I think…

    anita

    #84091
    Inky
    Participant

    Oh dear. I wasn’t aware there was a backstory.

    And for the record, as much as I would have loved to be in the “cool kids club” back in the day IRL, I don’t know if I could pull that off now online if I tried LOL!! When I mentioned Anita and I it was “I know we two are here everyday and how we generally react, but I can’t speak for others’ reactions as I don’t see them here everyday”.

    #84093
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Inky:

    Most often there is a back story, oh how many back stories there are, as many as there are people and topics of discourse. Often the backstory is bigger than the story. One needs not, if I may be so bold, ever underestimate the backstory!

    anita

    #84096
    jock
    Participant

    Self-doubt is a flaw; we’ll care for you anyway

    That’s a relief. I’m the king of self-doubt.
    There seems to be a suggestion I am in a clique or “cool kids” club here. Mmmm..It’d be the first time ever, if that is the case. I’m a natural nerd, extremely uncool. 🙂
    I don’t do cliques and I am usually the one against them in forums.
    And I don’t feel I have anything to apologise for either.

    #84108
    Jessa
    Participant

    Pamplemous, (wow that is hard to spell 🙂 ) please read this carefully and go to the end because it may not sound reassuring at first but I promise it gets there:

    I had a feeling you were drunk-posting when I read this the other day- the comment about the wine might have given you away :). Drunkness and drinking are topics that bring up some tough feelings for me, because I grew up with an alcoholic parent. Reading the way your sentences were put together was even a little emotionally triggering for me. But here’s the thing. Watching my parent heal from this, and be humbled, and humiliated, and face her shame over and over again as she finally got treatment for her addiction, has made me a softer person. I used to hate her flaws because we all pretended things were perfect in my family, when we all knew they weren’t. A parent above all is someone we look up to as ‘perfect’ as a kid. She wasn’t- but it was that admission of imperfection that finally carried her into a new, healed, sober life.

    Now when I see someone who admits their flaws, I feel warmth. Relaxation. Safety, because the people brave enough to admit their shortcomings are usually more sane and compassionate than those who live in denial. I know you didn’t ask for this big backstory, but I just want you to know, from a very real place in my heart, that you don’t have to be perfect to be here.

    #84111
    jock
    Participant

    jessa
    nice post if you don’t mind me saying
    hope you hang round here for a while

    #84118
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack: I wrote it was ME that was in the clique with you, from my end, not you cliquing (yes, made up verb) me but me cliquing you, so of course no need for you to apologize. i didn’t apologize myself, just reviewed my motives. It was me who wanted you to like me a bit too much. I thought YOU were cool- so feel free to be flattered.

    And jessa: I am almost embarrassed by my comment to you about dusting yourself off. My comment assumes you are less evolved than you are, as i read your comment on this thread.

    And where is pomolemous???
    anita

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