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Attention seeking and addiction on Social Media

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  • September 5, 2017 at 7:42 am #166974
    James
    Participant

    Hello,

     

    Over the past few years, I have been an avid user of Twitter. I use it every single day and enjoy using it for the most part. Unfortunately, this also comes with a negative side. Occasionally I have been known to fly off the handle and become very toxic writing negative posts and goading people into arguments and I’m not sure why I’m doing it.

    I don’t want to say I’m an internet troll because I don’t think I’m that bad but I think if I continue to allow myself to act this way, it will get worse until I do become one.

    I think my main problem is that I use it too much and care too much about what people think of me on social media. The craziest thing about it is that I don’t actually know any of these people personally.  They are all just random people I follow on Twitter who have the same interests as me.

    When things aren’t going my way, I’ll tend to write attention seeking posts and when no one responds to them I’ll act erratically doing things  such as announcing that I am leaving Twitter, deactivating my account and then coming back on 2 weeks later.

    I have tried countless times to manage my behaviour and the time I spend on social media but I always let it get out of control and I end up being embarrassed of the things I type on there.

    I’m not sure weather to delete my Twitter account for good or try and sort out my problems as they might just be redirected elsewhere.

    Any helpful tips would be greatly appreciated!

    September 5, 2017 at 10:31 am #167038
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear James:

    Reads to me that best at this point that you put time and distance between you and Twitter, spending no time there, having time-out. Then look more into caring too much what people think of you and flying off the handle behaviors (in life outside social media?)

    You do not approve of your own behavior on Twitter. If I was you, I wouldn’t go back to Twitter/ social media until I figured things out and am ready to behave in a way that I approve of.

    anita

    September 6, 2017 at 2:19 am #167294
    James
    Participant

    Hi Tina,

    Thank you very much for your reply. Yes, I’m very much the same outside of social media when I think about it, I have been known to have a short temper and can fly off the handle and rant about things with the slightest nudge. I also have a bit of a complex with caring too much about what people think about me and take criticism very personally.

    I took a 2 month break from Twitter earlier on in the year and when I returned, I was a lot better for a while. Unfortunately I have recently returned to my old habits and behaviours so you’re probably right. I need to distance myself for a bit longer while I figure things out.

    Thanks again for your helpful words.

    September 6, 2017 at 12:45 pm #167430
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear James:

    You are welcome. You wrote that you “take criticism very personally”- I don’t know of anyone in my life who takes criticism well. We don’t like criticism and there is too much of it going around. Hasn’t there been too much of it, too much criticism of you, in your life?

    anita

    September 6, 2017 at 1:40 pm #167446
    Patrick
    Participant

    Anita has a point. People do not take well to criticism regularly. Especially when it comes to our core behaviors.

    A question I now have is: Do you find that your need for social media attention and gratification comes from a criticism of yourself? Or perhaps it has happened in the past with a close relative or friend?

    September 7, 2017 at 8:27 am #167692
    James
    Participant

    I don’t feel like I get criticised a lot, the only place where I do get criticised is at work and I tend to take it too personally. I don’t really get criticised on social media, but I do tend to be very critical of myself and the way I act. This probably stems again from caring too much about what people think about me when in reality, I am not the focus of everyone’s thoughts.

    I guess I just need to try and be in a more positive headspace and try and remove myself from negative environments (ie: Twitter).


    @Patrick     I think you are absolutely right. I am way to critical of myself and tend to beat myself up about stuff rather than actually solving the problems. I also get lazy and let myself fall back into familiar bad habits.

    September 7, 2017 at 9:55 am #167706
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear James:

    Reads to me that indeed removing yourself from Twitter is a good idea. Regarding criticizing yourself/ criticizing others: there is the concept of the Inner Critic (“I do tend to be very critical of myself and the way I act.”) and the Outer Critic (criticizing others). When a person gets sick and tired of the Inner Critic they take a break, a tension-relieving break by letting loose of the Outer Critic.

    Decrease your Inner Critic activity and you will have less of a need to activate the Outer Critic, as you did on Twitter (“fly off the handle and become very toxic writing negative posts and goading people into arguments”).

    anita

    September 7, 2017 at 11:25 am #167722
    Patrick
    Participant

    So James, since you think you are very critical of yourself for having these behaviors, it is important to make steps to reduce and eliminate your dependence on social media gratification. And HOW you do this is extremely important.

    You need to cut out twitter from your life, at least for a period of time where you can recover and heal. The important thing is that you don’t think of this as a punishment for using the service poorly, but as a positive cleansing of your soul of negativity caused by the social media. You need to tell yourself and truly believe that you can kick this habit of self-criticism. It won’t be easy, but it is much easier if you walk into this transition saying “I believe I can change for the better” rather than “I have to change for the better, or else…”

    Best way to avoid self-criticism is to cut literally all the strings. Cut every tie your actions have to some event, person, place and just be where you are. You’re not doing anything wrong, just be. And when you start tying where you are to the things you’re letting go of, gently and calmly bring your focus back. Do not punish yourself for thinking about things you should be letting go. It takes time, but you must have compassion for yourself.

    I hope this helps you James.

    September 10, 2017 at 8:00 pm #168204
    Meredith
    Participant

    Hi Friend, Social media has transformed all of us into brainless dopamine junkies. We feed off of the likes, the drama, the tuning out, the ability to remain “anonymous” or not take responsibility for what we say/do. I think it’s really encouraging that you recognize these behaviors and issues and want to change. I agree with others here, it seems best to take a long break, go inward to identify some core beliefs you’ve stored and work to change them. We all have them, but the people who can recognize them and be proactive are the real doers out there. The best advice I can give is to be kind to yourself while you’re working towards a better version of yourself.

    September 11, 2017 at 3:38 am #168252
    James
    Participant

    Thank you all for your kind words of wisdom. Over the weekend I took a step back from Social media and already feel better for it. I don’t feel the need to check it as soon as I wake up every morning to see if anyone has tweeted at me etc. and even though I had a few unpleasant things to deal with over the weekend, I didn’t feel the need to seek attention and sympathy via social media.


    @Anita     I took your advice and started noticing that I do beat myself up too much about things and started having a bit of compassion for myself and congratulating myself for the little victories I have had over the weekend from not being tempted to go on social media. I feels a lot better than the fake gratification I get from likes and retweets!


    @Patrick     I never thought of it that way before. In the past when I have had social media breaks, I have 100% treated it as a punishment for the way I have acted which made me want to go on it more. Now that I am treating it as time away from social media as a cleansing of negativity from my life I am already feeling like I don’t need the gratification, attention and sympathy I used to crave on Twitter.


    @Meredith     I agree. It’s so much easier to complain and be negative from behind a keyboard or smartphone but I’ve found that the negativity that I feel inside is unnoticeable at first and slowly increases until I feel really bad about myself. Focusing on other more important things in my life and getting satisfaction from these things instead of social media will hopefully make me see that I don’t need it.

    September 11, 2017 at 4:56 am #168258
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear James:

    You are welcome. Keep noticing when you beat yourself up- beating oneself up is a habit, a mental habit. It can’t stop by the power of the will alone, because we decide we don’t want to do it anymore. It takes time and attention to diminish and stop it over time. Keep congratulating yourself as you did. Keep doing what works for you.

    anita

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