Home→Forums→Tough Times→Back on the Booze.
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July 5, 2016 at 7:19 am #108860KiranParticipant
Hey guys, I’m so glad i found this forum!
Let me start off by saying that I’m an asshole. I started drinking when i was 13 and didn’t have any problems with alcohol back then. I was an outstanding athlete and had so many dreams. When i was 16 i started drinking a lot more than usual because i started being depressed randomly and was developing an anxiety problem. It progressed until 2015, which was the worst year in my life, but it is also the year that i discovered Buddhism. I was struggling everyday, feeling extremely depressed and anxious all the time .I was drinking everyday and it was the only thing i looked forward to every single day for that entire year. I dropped out of school in 2014 because i thought getting high and drinking alcohol was a lot more important than school. For the past 2-3 years i find myself lost, not knowing what I’m going to do with my life. Last December, i decided to quit cold turkey and also got a job, where i surprisingly worked at for 5 months without getting fired or quitting. I felt motivated, i started getting in shape and taking care of my health, going for regular checkups etc, just to make sure I’m doing okay.All of a sudden , 2 weeks ago i find myself drinking like theres no tomorrow, and also almost overdosed and some ‘other’ substances. I fear I’m falling back into this shithole. i feel so confused and shitty and all the time, my mind is so foggy from all the things that i do, i don’t feel like going out with family, i have completely isolated myself from friends and family, i only go out to get booze or ‘other things’. I feel ashamed . Last week my mom told me that she is ashamed of me, and that she regrets having me. Im sorry if this was really long,
p.s does anybody here know any good books about buddhism for alcoholics or beginners that have substance abuse problems.
Thanks so much guys!
July 5, 2016 at 8:26 am #108864AnonymousGuestDear corse123:
I don’t know of books on Buddhism for alcoholics. I know of the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) big book, of course. AA is the first 12 step program after which all other 12 step programs were formed, from Narcotics Anonymous to Codependent Anonymous. So joining AA if you are in the US is one option. Do you have any experience with AA?
Addiction is very powerful, it is a very strong habit, with or without certain physical withdrawal symptoms, it’s powerful nonetheless: the compulsion or impulse to do a certain thing, again and again, even though it’s bad for you and even though you want to stop and decide to stop and then before you know it, here you are doing it again.
Buddhist principles that can help you are meditation, mindfulness, insight into the real, bare nature of reality. Buddhism and Booze are both B words, I just noticed. Anyway, you drink and do drugs to feel good. Isn’t it so?
Isn’t your motivation when drinking and taking drugs to feel good? Because you feel so badly otherwise, and you are sick and tired of feeling bad?
If this is your motivation, to feel good, then let’s keep this motivation: to feel good, respect this understandable motivation and see to it that you do achieve it.
Drinking/ drugging don’t achieve feeling good for long, so let’s find another way that will last and will not bring about the misery: the consequences.
Your mother, saying she is ashamed of you and wishes she didn’t have you: tell me more about her… love for you?
anita
July 5, 2016 at 10:15 am #108872AuthorgirlParticipantThink Positive. You’re a great person- tell yourself that. Remember you must win the battle in your mind. Stand strong. When negative thoughts come to play, reject and replace them with positive affirmations. What you say in the midst of your difficulties, will have a greater impact on how you handle those situations.
Have a victor’s mentality. Stay in the attitude of faith. Don’t allow yourself to lapse into negative thinking or negative patterns of self-destruction. Love and nurture yourself. Take care of your well being. You seem like an awesome person, I’m sure there are many wonderful things about you, from reading the post, you seem intelligent and engaging. You have wonderful attributes, remind yourself of them. Do anything- but this. This is not a good solution to any problem, if anything it amplifies them and creates new problems. You have way too much to offer the world : ) Take care of yourself.
July 5, 2016 at 10:40 am #108874DawnParticipantcorse123 – I feel your pain. Literally. I’m a recovered alcoholic and there is nothing more devastating than having a debilitating disease with such a shameful stigma. I’m very sorry your family doesn’t understand. You’re not alone. It took me quite some time, in the program of AA, before I was proud of who I was and no longer ashamed.
The great news is that’s part of what AA helps you with. When you start going to meetings it can be a bit intimidating, but it’s worth it. Once you start working a program you may start to realize how much of your anxiety was because of your addiction. For me I used all my problems as a crutch to keep drinking (including anxiety disorder) when, in actuality, my addiction was causing all my problems…
That being said my spiritual journey started when I entered the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Buddhism, meditation and following my spiritual journey was only part of the equation for me. A beautiful part I now get to attribute to my rock bottom. Today I’m grateful to be an alcoholic. I’ve gained so much inner strength and it definitely got me started on the beautiful spiritual path I’m on today. I cannot quit drinking and using on spirituality alone. The addiction comes from a spiritual malady, however the fellowship of AA is a huge part of what keeps me sober. If I didn’t have people who shared the same struggles as me and who I could talk to about anything, I wouldn’t be sober today. I’d be hiding in my room shamefully drinking alone…because that’s how I feel when I’m in my active alcoholism. Only people who have been in our shoes can joke about the things we’ve done and seen. Normie’s would think we’re crazy if we talk about the delusional way of thinking most alcoholics live with everyday.
The beauty is there is a solution! It sounds like you already have a spiritual foundation to grow from. Best of luck to you and let me know if there’s anything I can do!
July 5, 2016 at 10:47 am #108877AnotherDaveParticipantOne Breath at a Time: Buddhism and the Twelve Steps by Kevin Griffin. There’s an accompanying workbook, too. Both are fantastic. My home group incorporates meditation into our meetings, and we do our reading from this book. Like Dawn says above, though, it’s the fellowship of AA that’s been the biggest help for me.
July 6, 2016 at 12:07 pm #108985DonnaParticipantI also discovered Buddism when I quit drinking. I’m reading Everything Mind by Chris Grosso he also experienced addiction in his past. Next I’d like to read his first book Indie Spiritualist. Also Noah Levine has written some books you might find helpful. Let me know what you think.
July 15, 2016 at 3:07 am #109711AuthorgirlParticipantvirtual hug : )
July 15, 2016 at 6:43 am #109729July 19, 2016 at 11:19 am #110048KiranParticipantThanks everybody!, i don’t know how long more i can live like this, but I’m working on it. Booked a flight to go somewhere far away from home , maybe a trip away from everything will help me out. Thanks again everybody 🙂 Much love.
July 19, 2016 at 12:15 pm #110052AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, corse123. I sure hope your life gets better! Post again anytime.
anitaJuly 20, 2016 at 2:15 pm #110163BeeParticipantThere is an episode of Ted Talks that I recommend called “Everything you thought you knew about addiction is wrong”.
I found this helped me better understand my own addiction issues, I hope it helps you as well. -
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